being-with-hurt-1

We have all been hurt
by someone we love

We have all hurt
someone we love

Perhaps
unintentionally
perhaps
with scorn
It’s inevitable
and predictable
that no matter
the love
the beauty
the strength
of it
pain will
come
and the question then
is not
“How do I not get hurt”
but
“How do I be with
and react to hurt”

Because it will happen
The one you love
will say something
do something
feel something
that touches the
unwanted places in you
and you will feel pain
you might experience shock
you might want to run
or lash out

And I think
what says most about us
is what we choose to do here

Because someday
you will do the same
You will hurt someone you love
and they will look at you
with eyes so wide
tears cannot help but fall
and you will know
it’s because of you

And then you
you will get to choose
here too
how do you want to be
with someone so hurt
by you

As far as I can tell
it isn’t who we are
when it is all fine and dandy
that says most about us

It is who we are
when the road gets rough
and twists so much
you cannot see
in front of you

It is who you are
as the lights go out
and you find yourself
sitting in the dark
asking yourself
over and over
what to do

But I think
the real question is

Who do you
want to be

From there I find
answers come most easily

From there the opinions
of others matter so much less

So when
he looked at me and told me
I was being rather pathetic
for staying with him
in the face
of his not really wanting me
it stung, but I knew
that wasn’t what was most true
I knew what I was committed to
above my ego’s need
for heavy petting

And when she told me
she expected better from me
when I left the first boy
who ever really loved me
with so very few words
and very little understanding
of how he was hurting
I could hear what was most true
She was right
I could do better
and I reached out to apologize
and say I am sorry
I am so very sorry
for hurting you

Because
what matters most to me
isn’t being right
or being the one
who walked away first
in some kind of disturbing game
where somehow
I am cooler
and more desirable
for being the one to leave you

The game I am playing
isn’t who can give the least
and get the most

It’s so sad that so many of us
got the message
that the one who wants the least wins
That the one who holds their cards
the tightest has the most control
That the one who cares the least
will hurt the least

Because as far as I can tell
it’s not true

I have made sure to want
almost nothing
held my cards tight
against my chest
and cared as little
as possible

And you know what
that got me?
Almost nothing
A shell of a relationship
where we went through the motions
of people loving
feeling empty
touching sweetly
making love
to fantasy

You know
if you know
what I am
talking about

So maybe
maybe instead
of asking
What to do
What do I do
You ask
this question
instead

Who do I want to be

It has helped me greatly
lately
It has me staying true
even when feelings start hurting me

Because
as far I can tell
love isn’t about
what you do
It is about
who you be

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.