let-go-or-be-dragged-1

And sometimes
I let the wheels
come off
as I’m flying
down an open road
with images of a future
where I would finally be
oh so happy
scattered across
the flickering movie
that is my haunted psyche

There is something
freeing
about falling
There is something
to be said
for living on the edge
of dangerously

But I hate risk
I am risk averse (as they say)
so I white knuckle
though most of my life
making what is already happening
more of a strain
than perhaps it needs to be

My dad sent me this quote the other day:
“Let go, or be dragged”
(My daddy always knows the words
to get through to me)

If you look at my behaviors
you would think for sure
I prefer to be dragged
I often (if not always)
choose the dragging
over the letting go
(because who knows,
I think, who knows
when it’s really time
to let go)

Interestingly
I tend to choose
partners (and friends)
who are good at letting go
(triggeringly good)
People who seem to know
when to say goodbye
over efforting more, trying harder
People who know their threshold
and are clear when their lines are crossed

I used to judge that
(mostly because I envied it)
I still don’t love it
because I have been scared a lot
It touches on my core fear in relating –
that I will be abandoned
that I will be left
(especially without a chance
to explain myself)

And so I opt for dragging often
It tends to make messier wounds
but saves me
the forever looping on
“was that too soon to say goodbye”
“did I make a mistake
when I should have tried”

But lately
life is forcing me
to choose
more distinctly than ever

I am being backed into a corner
where I am going to have to let go of some things
I am going to have to actually choose
what to let go of

And so the wheels
are coming off
for sure
I am losing it (or at least crying a lot)
over the idea that I am going to
lose some things
I once loved (I still do love)
very much, so much

And wow am I struggling
to know
what is the right thing to do
my identity melting
as I am having to question
everything

It’s intense
but I think it’s time
for me to learn
how to let go
instead of putting
my energy into
protecting myself
while I am being dragged

There are always costs
Everything is an exchange of sorts
and I am being asked
to get clear
on how I want
to use my energy

And I am pretty sure
I am ready (finally)
to learn
how to say
goodbye

Yes, to say
goodbye
this time
gracefully

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.