reintroduce-myself

Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for this
Honestly I wonder it nightly
Some days go by gracefully
full of giggles, bright lights and dancing
While others feel as if
I’m being raked over hot coals
poked and prodded from all directions

And I’ll admit I snap
I get defensive and angry
And then sad
The sadness for me
is always so close to the anger
dancing almost interchangeably
at times below the surface
of this so called reality

And I can get easily confused
And destructive
If I don’t step back
and center quickly
I wonder if some of us are simply born
with a shorter fuse
I’m not trying to dismiss
personal responsibility
I’m just wondering
how our sensitivity plays into it all
I have been told many a time
“You are just incredibly sensitive”
I watch friends and colleagues unrattled
in interactions that would most certainly
send me to my knees
And I’m not using any hyperbole

Part of what’s happening for me
is I’m trying to figure out
how I can integrate
and share more of me

I recently posted a video
of some of my snaps from Snapchat

They were silly, sincere
and yes some were just plain weird
But I thought it was fun
and so shared it on Facebook

The video did ask for feedback
It was meant to be playful
to create conversation on Snapchat
and the tone was intended to be joking

Now I totally understand 100%
that most of you on here
have not hung out with me in person
and so would find it nearly impossible
to understand or interpret my tone

There is no blame here
I invited feedback

I fully own it

And boy did I get it

It wasn’t what was said publicly
but rather private messaged to me
It’s so interesting
since I started sharing bits of me 3 years ago,
I have been called
“depressing”
“useless”
“disturbing”
“fake”
“horrible”
“ugly”
“boring”
etc…

I’ve been told to
“shut up and get over myself”
“get help and get a job”
“you disgust me”
“you’re a waste of time”
“who gives a shit about you anyways”

I have had everything about my appearance picked apart.
Being called fat, too skinny, gross, porky, etc…

And I am in no way telling you this
so that you feel bad for me or give me pity —
please no need for commentary on this.
I’m OK, I get it,
this is par for the course.
It’s something I face every day
and it only gets more frequent
and more intense the more people I reach

But this Snapchat video was the first time ever
I was critiqued for being silly
I actually spend a good deal of my time in this playful place
Ask anyone who is close to me,
I love a good joke and a snarky sense of humor

I have really been struggling
with how to integrate this part of me
I don’t ever feel funny when I sit down to write
It’s just not where I go
and it feels forced and disingenuous
So getting on Snapchat
and seeing what it brought out in me
was a welcome surprise for sure —
until the criticism came at me

I can completely see how the way I am showing up
on Snapchat could be seen as “unprofessional”
By most standards I think people would agree

I can see how someone might find
my ramblings and silliness “useless”
and that “it takes away from the beautiful work we do”

So I have been thinking a lot about this
Most of the feedback we received was positive,
but for me it is important to consider
all that is shared with me

So here is what I have decided I am going to do,
and I hope it is helpful for you

Something I struggle with often is
how I feel we tend to want people
to show up one way

I’ve watched people time and time again
turn on their teachers when they witnessed their humanity

I’ve watch some of my favorite writers
be attacked publicly when they switched voices
from that of happiness and joy
to sharing real hurt and sorrow

When I first starting sharing some of my pain on social media —
some people thought it was unprofessional,
inappropriate, and harmful to our business
But I stuck to it because I was clear why I was doing it
And the outpouring of response I got from people
saying I was helping them was definitively worth it for me

So I get why you’re afraid to share yourself.
I get why vulnerability feels so incredibly terrifying

But

I’m going to make a stand for us being everything

So yes, you can be the girl who meditates daily,
writes poetry and drinks green juice —
but that doesn’t mean you don’t lose your cool, swear with abandon and enjoy fries smothered in an obscene amount of ketchup

You can be the man who cries in your brother’s arms,
practices non violent communication, eats raw vegan
and enjoys an evening at the local bar, makes crass jokes
and occasionally finds yourself at the bottom of
a massive bag of Doritos designed to feed a small family.

Stop it
Stop trying to make people all one thing
Stop trying to paint some picture that you are always one way
It isn’t true
It never will be

And I am not saying you need to share it all
It’s totally up to you what you let us see and don’t see
But I would love for us to expand our capacity
to meet people where they are
in the silly, messy, sad and happy

It is interesting how confusing it is for people
when someone shows up differently

I am experimenting with seeing what comes through
when I am not trying to control your experience of me

This will likely get messy
It already has
And I get that means I’m going to lose some of you

I get that when I start talking more about things
that make me really angry
you might walk away because you don’t want to be around
“that kind of intense energy”

And I get that when I start talking about things
I find unequivocally horrifying
you might walk away because
“you just don’t want to be reminded of that today”

And I get when I am acting “stupid silly”
or dress in a way that you find “slutty” —
you might walk away because it’s boring or triggering to you

I have watched time and time again
how one moment in time can result in someone dismissing
everything they’ve previously appreciated about me

But I am not as scared
Because last night
I had to face myself
And I asked a question that was dancing unanswered endlessly

“Emily, what —
What do you think you are here to do?”
It is a question that has tortured me endlessly
I like knowing where I am going
I have been waiting patiently
Well, somewhat patiently
For years now

And I got this clearly
“Just keep sharing what is coming through
And learn to trust your body more than you”

Full stop

I don’t know what this means for me
But I know this
I want you to welcome all of you
And be more allowing of it in others

I think from there we will certainly connect
more deeply, more sincerely

And I think we are in desperate need of some
TLC

So when you see the strangeness in your friend
Or the silliness in your teacher
When you meet the rage in your lover
And the stupidity in your neighbor
You pause
And recognize that in you

Because I guarantee it’s in you
All the things you hate about me
They are part of you

Welcome friend
Allow me to reintroduce myself

My name is Emily
Who are you?

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

Share this post

Join the Converstaion!

Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.