be-gentle-with-you

I lost one of my closest friends this year – no she didn’t die.
I lost her friendship.
This was someone I thought who would be in my friend forever.
I didn’t see it coming.
I didn’t understand what happened
For months I sat with tremendous sadness about the dissolving of the friendship.

Sadness and then anger

Anger at myself
Anger at the situation
Anger at her

I have never felt so misunderstood

I have been dancing with this for months
Trying to go back in time and break things down
Trying to better understand so I could make it better, fix it and make sure it never happened again.

I wanted to explain, clarify and fix

But the hurt was too intense for me to take action
Normally I would call to talk it out
I would attempt to resolve it immediately
But I just couldn’t
And I couldn’t figure out why I felt paralyzed

I was sharing about what was going on for me with a friend.
I told her, I need space but I also am so afraid of what will happen in that space.

My impulse was to stay connected no matter what.
To talk it out, work it out — make it right

I kept saying:
I just want her to know what was true for me
I just want her to know how much I cared how much I loved her
I just want her to understand
And what if something happens, what if she never knows

My friend interrupted me and said
This isn’t about you and her
This is about you and truth
And trusting in what you know to be true for you

In that instant I felt my heart beat slow, my mind go quiet and my eyes misty

And I saw…
I saw how my whole life I have only ever known something was real when someone else confirmed it for me

I saw how while I know what was true for me I was needing her to understand and confirm it for me so I knew it to be true

I saw how this had been driving me to push myself well past what I knew was good for me in so so many relationships

I am not one to walk away
I have always prided myself on my perseverance and willingness to work through most anything

It has kept me in abusive relationships
And kept me coming back for more

But I am finally learning my no
my no

I feel like I just woke up to an alternate reality where I have a range of choices I never considered

Perhaps sometimes it is just best to walk away
I didn’t give myself-permission to do this before.
I have spent a lot of time trying to understand people.
Trying to analyze their behaviors and make sense of why they do the things they do and really trying to understand what my part was, why I showed up the way I did and how I can change myself to be better and do better.

This of course has its place and can be very useful and important at times, but I can see how it has caught me in a cycle of trying to understand and resolve all the time before even checking in first to see if this is even a place I want to put my energy

I had no idea how drained I was from not saying no and letting go

I had no idea how much I was blaming and shaming myself all the time

I have been thrashing myself for the last few years

Beating myself up for all the places I could have done better or different as if through the process
of punishing myself I would prevent anything “bad” happening again.

I have been expecting such a level of excellence from myself I kept crumbling under my own pressure
It has been ME hurting ME
Oh, humbling
So I tell you this, this is what I am learning, some simple truths
Trust that people are who they show you they are
Sometimes people just are not a match
Sometimes it is okay to walk away
Trust what you know to be true
After all, you are always left with you
I have had so many people speak to me about the pain of friendships dissolving recently

I get it
I so do

And I hope that you can learn to be gentle with this one and only precious you

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.