EmilyJoyRosen

He looked at me
so honestly
it made
my heart
quiver
What do you want?

You remember
stories untold
I can feel them
in your every exhale
It breaks my heart
all the pieces of you

We live in a world
with so very many people
telling us
what to do
and who to be
Reclaiming your mind

I am disappointed
by how often
we choose cruelty
I understand hurt
I know pain
I have experienced suffering

I have been dumped
I used to think
that was the most embarrassing
thing to admit
I mean, really
it's so intense

I think one of the most
dangerous phrases
I hear people say all the time is
"That's just how it is"
Especially when it comes to self
"That's just how I am"

You know when
you're beckoning to a child
and you bend down slightly,
smiling and say things like,
"hey there, come here,
lets play!"

It’s magic to me
how when we open
our world opens
I've been closed for a while now
I've been distant and unavailable
in a way that concerned even me

We ran out of butter
and bottled water
not to mention I wanted something sweet
so it became clear
it was time to venture out

Some hearts
break easier
I think
Some crack
Some crumble
Some shatter

Bye bye Mexico
You were just what
I didn't know I needed
I booked a one way ticket
December 7th
and am just now leaving

Magical Mexico.
Today we wandered
almost aimlessly.
It was a silvery kinda day.
It felt like I was walking
in a cloud.

By far
one of hardest things
for me to do
is forgive myself
for the places I feel
I went dark

Once I loved
a girl
so very much
I thought my heart might burst
She was everything I am not
And at first I was jealous of her

Forgive the blatant cliche
but for sure
when one door closes
another opens
I love the Lao Tzu quote,
"New beginnings are often disguised

I spend a lot of time in fantasy
a land without mediocrity
I am pretty sure
that what messes us up the most is
what we have been told
is supposed to be

The last time
I saw my husband
I was driving him
to the train station
just 30 minutes from our home
Hurried so as not to be late for work

We all experience living loss
Losing someone still alive
tends to ache differently
than death
It is a unique form of excruciating
that can feel as intense

And we grow young,
he said
looking longingly
at the horizon line
as the sun
slipped

A real time update
from Mexico...
I have been really tired lately
And by lately,
I mean the last year
I have always been able

I remember
what it was like
to think
another person
would be my answer
I remember

"You’re a darkness dancer"
she said
pointing her tiny finger
at me
I felt myself shrink
in her knowing

I remember
what feels like
a thousand new starts
I used to love
January 1st the most
Because I always thought

It's the end of a year
This one
was
especially
beautiful
in all the most

It's way better
for me
here
Fingers
dancing
across keyboards

Yesterday I got a message
from someone
who told me they were raped at 7
And a woman who found out
her husband
had another family

Really, it is never too late
As the New Year approaches
I always make time
to reflect, reevaluate
and redirect
as needed

My flight was delayed 2 hrs
again
I have been on 10 flights this month
all have been delayed
at least a little
And so I sit here watching the sun rise

Today my mom was born
I don’t know many, if any women
like my mom
Being home-schooled by her
I took a lot of her gifts for granted
I had no reference point to know

Sometimes, with all the noise
it’s hard to hear your own knowing
Everyone has an opinion
And for reasonable reasons
we are influenced by the
opinions of others