enless-appreciation

Bye bye Mexico
You were just what
I didn’t know I needed

I booked a one way ticket
December 7th
and am just now leaving
in time to do
the most massive load of laundry
Apparently Mexico clean
and Emily clean
have different meanings
But in all seriousness
these last few weeks
have been a game changer for me

I had no idea
how tightly wound I was
Now that may seem funny
to those who actually know me
but really
I knew I was stressed
just not as much
as Mexico showed me

The first night I was here
I burst into tears
in Starbucks
when my latte took 20 minutes
and still wasn’t actually what I had ordered

I lost my s***
every day
for 2 weeks
over endless little nothings

Everything ran late
The food was never what I ordered
The Internet kept cutting out
I got food poisoning
Mosquitoes made a meal of me
I kept losing things
My shoelaces finally snapped
My skin broke out
My hair endlessly frizzy
You know, “real” problems
that were perfectly designed
to put me almost over the edge

And I fell apart
on the inside

But I was here
and committed to not running
so I decided to get with the program
that there was no program
and see what happened

The result of which was…

I laid in the sun for 45 minutes
doing nothing
listening to an album
I hadn’t heard in 9 years
that was loaded with precious memories
I haven’t done something like that
in 18 years

I spent more than one evening stargazing
letting the wind mist cool ocean water over me
sending chills of delight up my spine
as the crashing of the waves
eased the edges
of my ever present anxiety

I got simple…

Same outfit every day
tank and denim shorts or skirt
and so enjoyed not having think
about if I appeared professional enough
or if I needed to wear a bra
in the sometimes extreme heat

Same food
I think I have eaten 230 avocados easily
more corn chips then I care to share
strawberry ice cream
and bowl after bowl of lime soup
which I will definitely miss

I didn’t check the social media feeds
I lost interest in what other people were doing

Oh and I moisturized daily
Ask my best friend Bri
I haven’t taken the care
to really use moisturizer in years
It just takes so much time to rub in
I skip it almost always
But not in Mexico
in Mexico
I took my time
every day

For the first time in forever
I took time just for me
in the morning
to slowly
be with myself
in a nurturing way

I stopped checking
my clock compulsively
often going an entire afternoon
not knowing what time it was

I didn’t go to a single party
or try and make anything happen

I did not reach out to find out who was around
or try and “justify” this time away
work wise
And I worked no more than 45 hours a week
running the Institute
which for me is a miracle
given I generally average 80+

I took the weekends almost entirely off
some Sundays not even opening my computer

And it was
exquisitely challenging
for me
to just be

I frequently talk about how running away
isn’t often the answer
that so many of us hope for

I am wary of destination addiction
where we are constantly looking
for the next best place or thing
to shift us, save us
Because we always
take ourselves with us

But this time
a change of scenery
was just what I needed
to shatter the creeping sense of apathy
that for the first time ever
was taking hold of me

I don’t feel apathetic now
not at all
I don’t feel clear either
which I admit was something I was hoping for
But I do feel more alive
more in my body
and more rested
and ready

And I am looking forward
to working hard again
making things happen
in the way I love to do

This is something I don’t know
I would have been able to get to
if I didn’t make a drastic move

Sometimes a change
of place
and pace
is exactly
what we need

Thank you Mexico
You have been like the longest night
of dreaming
yes nightmarish at times
but equally magical and surreal
I feel grateful
and almost serene
yes me
serene

Endless appreciation…

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.