grateful-love

Some days
I am pretty sure
I have made so very many
terrible mistakes

And other days
I feel guided
and so held
(as everything seems
perfectly designed
just for me)

Yesterday was a holding
sort of day
and I am blown away
by the love
and wisdom
I have available to me
at the press of a fingertip

I felt loved
yesterday
in a way
that I will make sure
to remember
forever

I called a friend
a dearest one
He answered
pretending to be
an answering machine
and I felt my heart sink
imagining I would miss him
yet again
(in the endless game of phone tag
us busy entrepreneurs
who run our lives
tend to play)
But not yesterday
Yesterday he answered
and listened
It was a cascade of uncertainty
that poured out of me
And he just listened
Like really
He was listening to me
This is rare
I thought
as he gave me homework
This is rare
that I have a friend like this
who cares and listens
who extends a hand
and opens his heart
when I am in need
Thank you, friend
Thank you from the
most precious place
in me

And then
I told my deepest
secrets
to a teacher
who mentored me
who I now feel lucky enough
to call a friend
And wow
does this woman see
She gets me
in the places I don’t get me
She guides
me fiercely, yet lovingly
She is a rare one
Truly one of a kind
Likely the brightest woman
I have ever met
and had the honor
of being in the room with
as she does her work
with students (and me)
I have no one I talk to
like I talk to her
My shame dissolves
as I get to share
my rawest unsaid
with a sister
who never
not once
winces
who always reminds me
that there is endlessly more
and where I am at
is where I am meant to be
and always challenges me
to go
deep
deeper than I have before
Relentlessly blessed
I am to know her as I do

And then a man
who shows up
in just the nick of time
He lets me talk (and talk)
He lets me ramble even
never insisting I finish my sentences
or conclude much of anything
understanding sometimes we
just need to speak
(what we have yet to speak)
He celebrates me
and knocks me on the head
with reality
so kindly and playfully
it has me see
that I am not bad
but without
letting me off the hook
He gets me
and helps me see myself
in a way that I never have
in a way that has me feeling
more awake and empowered
eager to make changes
Inspiring me
in such a matter of a fact way
it feels like I truly have someone
cheering for me
sitting firmly in my corner
in a way that has me knowing
what it is like
to have someone
on my team

Oh and then
a moment (or three)
with a man I love
so deeply
it stuns even me
When I have felt
the most sincere
reflection
of our connection
it is electricity and merging
like I didn’t know
was possible for me
As bodies
become energies
and we blend
it’s a feeling I have never felt
and it is one
I am glad I don’t have to die
without knowing
It has me trusting more
what I cannot see
And knowing
there is so much more
for me to experience
than what I already
know to be

And then
then a tender call
with a man
who I know
better than the palm of my hand
A good man
A man who I have come
to trust
completely
And it feels like the greatest gift
to know I can relax into that
a connection
pure
that has weathered
so very many storms
and come through
stronger than ever
An unwavering
forever loving
him and me

And lastly
a sweet and simple
comforting chat with a friend
that turned into
a pep talk
so generous
so sincere
I felt lit
like someone
was truly rooting for me
making sure I knew
I always had a place to come back to
a place I would want to be
and I know would welcome me

And the crazy thing is
I know if I had called
a few other
of my dearest girlfriends
and best boyfriends
I would have been blessed
in different but similarly
generous ways

I sometimes feel
so alone
and forget I have friends
(silly I know
and nonsensical when I think about it)
But it was true for many years
that I didn’t have friends (not really)

It’s easy for me to forget
I am not who I used to be
my life is not what it used to be
And be most aware of
the hurt that has come
from relating (for me)

I blew quite a few
relationships early on
I get hurt easily
can loose my cool
and isolate frequently

I am (still) often displeased
with how I be
when it comes to relating specifically
It feels like a place for me
to improve (for sure)

And still
I want to celebrate
That I (yes me)
I have managed
to do well
with some
a few some
in super deep
and meaningful ways

People I admire
respect
and adore
answer my calls
and respond to my messages

And that
has me feeling
lucky
and grateful
thankful and
so inspired

I love to love
I love friendship true

And while I have gone under
this year
in a way that had me
spending so much less time extending
it feels so good, really so great
to be reminded
of the what is there (what is here)
when I choose to invest
in you and you and you and you

Thank you friends
(Especially the ones that stood by me this year
and kept reaching out and responding
even when I wasn’t as much myself
as you know and have known me to be)

I love you
so much
so so much
yes, I love you
I do

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.