dreams-really-do

There is a woman who shares her heart online
I often find her words triggering
I watch my feelings towards her change ceaselessly
But always I cheer her on
In the face of annoyance
In the face of so much story
In the face of utter disagreement
And yes, at times jealousy
I cheer her on
Because she is living open-heartedly
and sharing herself endlessly
And I know how hard that is to do
And how important this is in the world we live in
So I cheer her on

This would not be something the old me
would have been capable of
I would have made up lots of reasons
to treat her with silent disregard

But I know that would be coming from insecurity
From the part of me that wishes
I was somebody else
The part of me that looks at others longingly
wishing I could be anyone but me

I made a list of all the women
I found myself doing this with
The ones who touched my deepest sense of inferiority
and I have instead been intentionally loving on them

I have been doing this for a while now
And I must tell you it has been game changing
Each time I catch myself feeling jealous
I pause
And check in
Is there something she is expressing
that I am desiring?
The answer is almost always yes
There’s almost always a yearning
silently screaming for my attention

For so many of us,
I believe that jealousy is distorted desire

It wasn’t until recently that I truly got
how much I had been believing
that another woman’s winning
was my losing

I started to think back to how this story took root in me

I remember in high school having a crush
on the same guy for all 4 years
I could never get up the nerve to tell him how I felt
let alone talk to him
I was so painfully nervous around him
I would make random remarks
and avoid eye contact at all costs

He had more than one girlfriend
during the time I knew him
I remember hoping he would notice me
in between girls,
but instead,
he noticed my friend

It was my first experience
of feeling in direct competition
with another girl

She had what I wanted
and there was no room for me
I found it especially painful
because she was so incredibly different from me

I took it so personally
After all, he chose her
over me

This story has lived in me
Running me in some subtle, strong and stupid ways

I have lashed out at my sisters
because I thought they were taking from me
I have competed endlessly
in the silence of my psyche
And here is what I know it did NOT do —
it didn’t bring any of what I desired closer to me
Not at all
Quite the contrary,
it painfully misdirected me

So I thought I would try something new,
loving on you

It hasn’t been easy to catch this rivalry in me
it hasn’t been easy practicing jealousy alchemy
But it has freed up so much energy
I highly recommend you try it too

Make a list of all the women who threaten you
The women who have what you want
And support them,
love on them
and cheer them on

Seriously

You cannot reject that which you want in another
and think it is going to come to you

That is simply not how the universe works

If you spew hate,
it will come back at you
Trust me,
I know this to be true

And then from this place,
focus on you,
so lovingly
so intently
so persistently
that if you find your mind wandering
to stories of how it isn’t fair,
you are able to gently redirect your attention
to what you need to do
to make what you want true

This takes strength
But like anything you consciously and consistently do
it will become easier and easier
and eventually natural to you

I have been practicing this faithfully
My attention on creating what I covet
and celebrating those who used to threaten me
And the best part is
Not only do I have more of what I want in my life
but some of “them” have now become my friends
My dearest sisters

I guess dreams really do come true
for me
and you

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

Share this post

Join the Converstaion!

Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.