“I just turn my feelings off,”
she said
“Yes me too,”
he said,
“it’s just easier that way”

And I thought about all the times
I wished I could

But I am not that girl
and part of what makes me
is how I feel
I hid it for years
I believed it to be weak
I thought something was wrong with me
for not being able to engage
the way I saw others do

And so I learned how to mimic

I watched the behavior
of the “cool” kids on TV
and let them teach me how to navigate
this thing called reality

And I became
hard and cold
tough and distant
I played games with hearts
and kept everyone so far away
they knew nothing
of how much I adored them

It’s hard to look back
and see all the places I sidestepped intimacy
all the ways I do even now

It’s a hard pattern to change
It can be difficult to let the softness show
and trust that you will be okay

Because the truth is
some people will take advantage
some will use your sensitivity against you
at least they will try to

But if you live with an open heart
you get something
far more precious
than the illusion of protection

You get to feel love run through you
and out of you
in ways most think only comes
from someone outside of you

You get to breathe love
and you learn
that there is nothing weak
about loving more

Nothing at all

In fact, as far as I can tell,
the one who loves the most

So if I had one piece of advice for you
and me

It would be to let your heart shine through
let it spill over everything
let it fall from your eyes
and become your voice

It’s scary I know

Just this week
I reached out to someone
and poured my heart at their feet
And there was no response
at least not one
that came even close to meeting me

But I am glad I did
because as someone who has hidden
my feelings for many a year

I know a closed heart
only leads to suffering

And I would rather be
a woman
who shows
too much

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.