haventshared

there is so much
i haven’t shared with you
i am at a crossroads in my life
the biggest one yet
at least in the sense
that it could very likely have
the greatest consequences

and i don’t know what to do
and i don’t mind not knowing
actually
more than that
i am more than not minding
i am enjoying, truly,
not knowing

ha!

It’s crazy, the timing…
i have never before felt
like what i do is so important
and i have never wanted to think less
about what i am going to do
i have never wanted to do less…

oh and that
that is a little intense to admit
but for real…
something has shifted
and like often
when i experience something new
i am not sure how to relate to it
i am not sure how to make sense of it
so i do what i know to do
when i don’t know what to do
i slow down
i make space
i take note(s)
and pay attention
really close, generous, tender attention
ya know, the kind of attention you would give
a newborn baby

and i am finding that lately
not only do i not know what to do
i don’t really know this new me all that well
i don’t have the same focus
(at least not on the things that i used to be
so intently focused on)
i am (quite literally) so disinterested
in so much of what captured
my resources for so many years
i am not sure if it is me stumbling into
a new more meaningful way to be
or addiction creeping in most unexpectedly
appearing to be something new
but really just the same old pattern repeating
with different characters and flavors
tricking me as transitions sometimes do
into glorifying dysfunction
instead of digging my heels in

but ya know
i have been digging my heels in
for a while now
and i am really enjoying
the floating
and i am noticing that when i float
my attention eventually does get captured
and i have the same focus i have always had
just for different things

i am an obsessive person
so obsessive
i really cannot imagine
what it would be like
to not be constantly obsessing
about something
including the fact that i am obsessing

i have created a lot from this place
i have lived a lot from this place

but something is shifting
even with the obsessing
i get glimpses of spaces in-between
and in those spaces
something rather interesting is happening
i am noticing more
the world around me
i am flooded by beauty regularly
in a way that pauses me
the beauty is pausing me
stopping me really

and i am more
and more appreciating
just how much beauty
i live into

and i guess that is mostly
what i would want you to know today
i am blow away by beauty
and completely unclear
about what i should be doing happily

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.