not-your-girl

I am like her
The one you left
for me

And I hope
you know
I knew
you would leave me
as you did her

But I didn’t much care
because I wear
rejection
like other women
wear diamonds
covered in the memories
of those lost

And I know
you
You thought
I would never
do better
than you
so my days
would be spent
pining
and rewinding

But you never knew me
I breathed love
through all the tears
because nothing is better
than being with someone
who chooses me
and you were never
going to choose
anything

Because I know
you
options are your fuel
and you run
on women’s hearts
like big trucks
run on diesel fuel
Always taking
a little more than you need
Always costing
more than
you should

You must think
I am drunk
still
But I got sober
when you left me

So sure
come again please
I would like
to have the opportunity
to face you
For girls like me
become women
who don’t sell
their truths
for late night dinners
garnished with pleasantries
and stories
devoid of truth
designed to make me want you

I don’t live
for your compliments anymore

And I don’t need
your approval

I took all that wanting
and needing
and turned it in
on me

I poured
all that yearning
for something more
into me
and filled my belly
till I was so full
I didn’t even feel lonely
anymore

And slowly, the missing
seeped out of me
and slowly, the hurt
turned to tender memories
that hit me swiftly
and moved on easily

I hope you find her
the one you don’t
want to leave
for someone
newer
and shinier

I hope you
learn to see
how your obsession with
“could be better”
“must keep my options open always”
is torturing
mostly you

Because we move on
And you’re cycling back through now
calling ones from before
And I am flattered
I am
I even notice
the love
I have in me
for you

But I know you
you will never be satisfied
not with me
not with anybody
till you start
adoring
you

till you stop
chasing pretty

so that empty
feels filled
and not just momentarily

I admit
I wanted to be that girl for you
I wanted to be the one you stopped on
I thought I would be different
If I just poured
enough of me
into you
If I gave you space
but let you know
I was always here
If I never got angry
and always did things perfectly
and so sweetly

But it blew up
didn’t it
It didn’t work
not really

And I got clear
I am just not the girl
to teach you how to adore
I am just not your girl
anymore

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.