because this one time

and then
one night
we ran
so fast
i felt the wind
beating me
and full
of mist
so wet
i was certain
it was washing

“look up!”
he shouted
beckoning at me
“the moon is falling”

and I couldn’t help
but stare
as the light
cast silver

“we’re living the dream”
he said
what looked like
from the
meadow floor
launching it into the air
such that it fell
about me

his joy
hurled at me
his teeth
so white
and glistening
as he beamed at me
i thought i might
i was filled
with such glee

oh how i love you
I thought
as he turned
to keep running

“i am staying here”
i heard myself say
from somewhere
far away

he paused
and turned
standing on his toes
for prompt pivoting

he laughed
assuming playfulness
clearly incredulous
“you’re not coming?!”

i said
“i’m sorry”
at my own certainty
the thickness of my tone
the extent of my conviction
the depth of my knowing

and he (and i) got
i wasn’t joking
not this time
i wasn’t testing him
i wasn’t playing

“i need to go
the rest alone”
i said
trembling now
conscious i was choosing
what was right
even though it seemed
least easy
even though it seemed
most frightening

even though
i could see myself
following him forever

yes, even though…
i need to go
i need to go the rest alone

yes because
who i become
is more important
to me
than how
or fast
we can run
how accomplished
we become

“okay, i’ll miss you”
he said
the most gently
i’d ever heard him

it took me
a while to find
my voice
and by then
he was back
to running
from me

“me too…”
i shouted into the dark

me too…

and i watched
the silhouette
of the man
i had once loved
more than anything
become one
with the horizon
into a memory
i’ll endlessly have
with me

a memory
of how
one time
i chose
and what
is most
important to me
a love
that wasn’t
for who
i want

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.