magic

So I posted a picture of me with a baby
And I got lots of sweet comments and private messages of baby birthing encouragement and
then I became overwhelmed with emotion

Here is why: I didn’t have my period for over 4 years
It was because I was starving myself
I always assumed I would have children
But all of a sudden I wasn’t sure if I would be able to
I avoided thinking about it as much as possible
Than I signed up for prenatal yoga teacher training (I collect Certifications)
I lasted 2 hours in the room before I ran out sobbing
I didn’t know that in a prenatal yoga teaching training the majority of the women would be pregnant

I got in my car and drove away – fast

I remember speeding down the Taconic State Parkway barely able to see the road
I was crying so hard
(I also went in the wrong direction taking myself hours away from home)

But I had to get away
As far away as possible from all those pregnant women
As far away as possible from myself

And then…
Then… I fell in love

And I began eating a little more
The periods of starving and binging and purging became more spread out
And my period slowly started coming back – sporadic for sure – but it was back

The man I fell in love with wanted children
I remember one day he came home from buying a car and told me that it was perfect because it would be safe for our children
And I crumbled
I was terrified to tell him that I didn’t know if I could have children because I choose not to eat for so so many years
Would be leave me?
Would I be alone again?
In that moment
I committed to get healthier
I was so afraid to lose him to this disease

And I promise I tried
And I got better and then I got worse
Much worse

The pressure to fix myself was so intense that I lost my way

And he left me
And I cried
A lot

So much so that I thought for sure I would never stop
But I did
So I made another promise to myself

A promised to get better for me
And I got better
And I got stronger
And I got healthier
And my greatest heartbreak became my greatest revelation

And this, this can be true for you too
If someone hadn’t told me that
I don’t know what I would have done
So I am telling it to you

From my heart to yours
If you are suffering or struggling
When you choose life
When you choose you

Magic…

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.