show-your-heart

Show your heart
For years I didn’t even know
what that meant
And when I finally got a grasp
on what it did mean
I thought for sure
that it was a sign of weakness
or neediness
For sure it would leave me
exposed
and vulnerable
And for sure that would be
the worst thing in the world

I had no concept that vulnerability
in any capacity
could be seen as strength

I had no interest
in showing my heart
to anyone
because it seemed to me
that people who did
show their heart
ended up crying a lot
And seeing their pain
terrified me
I just couldn’t imagine
living through
someone I loved
not loving me

So even when I saw
the gifts
the beauty
the magic
people experienced
when they chose
to share their hearts
I was clear
that wasn’t a guarantee
and it seemed way too risky
to me

And so I was committed
to avoiding that kind of emotional pain
and spent years actively
dodging intimacy

Dating sure
Loving yes
But I never left my heart
on the table
I never opened too much
I never really let myself
be that vulnerable

And so as relationships ended
I built a library of confirmation
that my way was the better way

What if I had actually let them know
What if I had actually been all in
What if I had actually loved with abandon

I would have been destroyed
or so I imagined

And a sort of numbness found me
and a hardness set in
till I didn’t even have access
to that part of me
till I didn’t even think
there was much heart left to show

I was living in black and white
and didn’t even know

There was a part of me that enjoyed
my tough girl persona
but mostly
I was profoundly
lonely

And just not so sure
of the point of it all

I touched thoughts of disappearing often
I would wonder if anyone
would actually miss me
(aside from family)
And predictably
it wasn’t until things got bad enough
that I was willing to try something different

Sure, I will show my heart
what is left of it
I thought
I have nothing else to lose
and pain
doesn’t scare me
anymore
No one could hurt me
more than I am hurting

And so
I fell hard
I went deep
I opened up
And I shared
so very much of me

And the worst thing in the world happened
He rejected me
But then…
I did something
I didn’t know was possible
I survived

Not only did I survive
after time
I was better than before
I felt a strength in me
that was worth everything
A completely new feeling
a real trusting
that I could handle
breaking

Before
my life was about avoiding pain
because I didn’t think I could handle it
and so I was protecting
and bracing
always
And after
while I certainly
still did not want to feel
that kind of pain
I knew now
I would be okay
And I knew
not only
would I be okay
I knew there was a possibility
I would be better
at the very least stronger

So now
I think it is true

I think it is true
that vulnerability is strength

And if you want to be tough
if you want to be radical
If you want to be a rebel

Yes, show your heart
Show everyone
your heart

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.