truly-true

“Seems to me
you are angry
dare I say bitter
you should really get
some therapy asap”

Ah comments that sting
words that I know more than one of you
have thought
about me
Some roll off
my incredibly thin skin
and some get in

I had my first comment
that triggered me
in a long time
this week

A man wrote on one of my poems
“Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn”

I cringed
and felt embarrassed

I didn’t feel scornful when I wrote that piece
And I really didn’t like that perception of me
It felt super uncomfortable
and I found myself blushing
and feeling sheepish immediately

Since then I have been in and out
of intense insecurity
and doubting
if I should be posting
on Facebook anymore

I know there is much interpretation
of what I put out
that is not accurate

I let that go a long time ago
I used to try and explain it
and try to “make” people understand
where I was actually coming from
what I was actually trying to say
but I realized that when I do that
it is making it way more about me
than I want it to be

I consider
my little writing pieces
and pictures
an art form

It is me making art
not me reporting on my day to day
I do some sharing in real time
about how I am feeling
and what I am thinking
like this
but a lot of what I do is write “poems”
that capture experiences
or sentiments I have felt
and I leave things open
to interpretation
intentionally
so people can find
themselves through the piece
so people can have their own experience
that isn’t all about me

Yes, this leads to some misunderstandings
about what is currently going on for me
and times where people are saying
sorry to me about my divorce
as it if happened yesterday
when it happened 8 years ago

And yes, from time to time it does result in
people thinking I still have an eating disorder
people thinking I am a narcissist
who just likes to take selfies and talk about my feelings
people thinking I do nothing but post on Facebook
when I actually work more than full time
running the Institute for the Psychology of Eating
or people thinking I am super super unstable
and sad always

So you would think
that given all of that
having someone post on one of my poems:
“Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn”
wouldn’t bother me so much
But it really did
like a lot
so I have been looking at it
rather compulsively lately

And here is what I have arrived at…

I don’t feel scornful
towards my exes
at all
really and truly, I don’t
And it hurts that someone would think
I am expressing scorn in this way
It pains me to think
that is how
I am coming across

Are there exes
I would be nervous to see
or not want to cross paths with
unexpectedly?
Yes, but I don’t feel hateful
at least not anymore
not for years
I know I played a part
in everything I share
I don’t see myself as a victim
of anyone or anything

My writings
are attempts
at turning every last thing
that has impacted me
into Art
It’s my best expression of humanity
a way to connect most sincerely
and my way of being
transparent
and raw
as I wish
others would be

It is my way of connecting
in the ways that matter most to me

The people who I love most deeply
are the people who let me see them
in all their messiness
and their glory

The people I get to feel

We humans have the most incredible range
available to us always
and I am committed
to not numbing
on either end
of the spectrum

So yes, when I feel hurt
it is excruciating
But also when I feel joy
it is ecstasy

I know I am intense
in my languaging

I know the things I share about
are often very intimate

I know some people
are just plain uncomfortable
with what I choose to share

But I also know
I receive thousands of messages
each week
from people thanking me
for sharing
what they were afraid to
what they didn’t have the words for
what they felt ashamed of

The old me
would let a few “negative” comments
stop me
for days, if not weeks
I am quick to let criticism in
I am quick to assume something is wrong with me
And my impulse is to protect and hide
to go back to living more anonymously
to stop sharing what I know can be triggering
But this really isn’t
what I want
for you or me

If I want more sincerity in the world
If I crave more transparency

I must not only give lip service
to my desires
but live in a way that articulates them

My writing is never about punishing anyone
And I know that to be true
At the end of the day it has to be
what I know about me
that matters most to me

I do go out of my way to hide
who I am talking about in my pieces
when it is appropriate to do so
changing a little detail here or there
to keep identities anonymous if need be

I know I don’t have to
I know many writers
who choose not to
claiming their stories
as entirely their own
revealing as they please

My perspective is this…

Intention is most everything
to me

I can forgive
nearly anything
when I take the time to truly understand
the person behind the behavior
when I take the time to really get their world

This doesn’t mean I welcome
them back into my world
This doesn’t mean I condone
all their behaviors
But it also doesn’t mean
I am being scornful

The difference is significant to me
But I know I cannot convince anyone to believe me
nor do I need to

I just need to know
what is true for me here
and that I am genuinely helping
which from what I can see
I am

This is all an incredibly long winded
way of saying

I care what people think of me
And I find it is useful
to not just dismiss
the perspectives of others
as not about me
but to actually take the time to look
at what about them is true for me

But at the end of the day
I go to sleep with me
and I need to feel best
about how I am doing me
so for now
I will keep sharing
my poetry

And I hope you do
the things that matter most to you
despite the judgments
of others
Because at the end of the day
it is your life to live
and you and only you
know what is truly
true for you

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.