Unfurling-1

I have been
unfurling lately

The things
I once thought
for sure to be true
have become
questions
for me
And I am just
gonna have to go slowly
way more slowly than before

Everyone
has an opinion
and I am easily confused
by conviction
and hyperbole

I am changing
and I feel
almost bashful
saying this
But I like who I am
more and more

Oh and not because I did some
self-esteem boosting exercises
or said lots of nice things to myself
in the mirror each morning
But because I have seen
“my stuff”
in a way
I simply was not able to before
And I am committed
to not turning away from myself here
I am dedicated to
(and figuring out how to)
actually change
lovingly (or at the very least kindly)

It’s been incredibly intense
I can’t say I recommend it
at least not if you are looking
for ease
and immediate hits of happy
but I can say
it’s been
the most important work
I have done to date
and as far as I can tell
I am quite literally
transforming

I have been
deeply asleep
and had no idea
So much so
that I now
know
I have no idea
what I don’t know
I am very present
to the fact
that there is likely much
that I am not seeing
There is undoubtedly
so much
that I don’t know

And for that
for that
knowing
I have experienced
intense suffering
I don’t know
that one has to
suffer here
I imagine not
but I don’t know anyone
who has not arrived at this place
from a rather painful wake up call

I think this is
just the beginning
(for me)
Things in my life
have not been as ordered
as they used to be
and I am
letting impact
matter to me
I am letting
myself
be taken
trusting
that this unraveling
is good for me

I have been
micromanaging
my reality
since I can remember
always trying
to make things
“just so”
Just so, so I could know
I am okay
I am safe
and there is
love here
for me

It hasn’t worked
I have been used
and been the user

I have let
my anxiety
run me
refusing
to let it stop me
but always aware of it
coursing through me
Frankly many days
I have no idea
how I got by
with so much
panic in me

So I am assuming
this unraveling
is good
I am trusting
that what is
happening
is meant
to be
because
it is what
feels most true
and because
every day
I am learning something
oh so new

I am seeing what
had been
previously invisible
to me

And I believe
this is the work
I am supposed to do

This has been
my greatest
devotion
lately

I have always
reserved
my devotion
my adoration
my cherishing
for those
around me

I have always
loved loving
people
more than
me

I suppose
I found it easier

After all
I know
all the darkest parts
of me

But lately
care
has found
a home in me
Kindness
and compassion
(even for me)
are becoming
gently
part of
my everyday
reality

And that
even in the face
of seeing
so much
I do not like
in me
has me happy
really
has me grateful
deeply
has me ecstatic
truly

So yeah
I am unfurling
lately

And while
I can’t say
it’s pleasant
I can say
I hope
someday
you let yourself
unfurl too

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.