who-i-want-to-be

And then
one night
we ran
so fast
I felt the wind
beating me
cool
and full
of mist
so wet
I was certain
it was washing me
clean

“Look up!”
he shouted
beckoning at me
“The moon is falling”

And I couldn’t help
but stare
freezing
as the light
cast silver
over
everything

“We’re living the dream”
he said
scooping
what looked like
stardust
from the forest floor

His joy
hurled at me
His teeth
so white
and sparkling
as he smiled at me
I thought I might
burst
I was filled
with such glee

Oh how I love you
I thought
as he turned
to keep running

“I am staying here”
I heard myself say
from somewhere
far away

He paused
and turned
standing on his toes

“What?!”
he laughed
“You are not coming?!”

“No”
I said
“I’m sorry”
surprised
at my own certainty

And he got I wasn’t joking
not this time
I wasn’t testing him
I wasn’t playing

“I need to go the rest alone”
I said
trembling
knowing I was choosing
what was right
even though it wasn’t easy
Because who I become
is more important to me
than how
far
or fast
I can run

“Okay, I’ll miss you”
he said
the most softly
I had ever heard him
speak

Touched
it took me
a while to find
my voice
and by then
he was back
to running
away
from me
again

“Me too…”
I shouted into the dark

Me too…

And I watched
the silhouette
of the man
I had once loved more
than anything
become one
with the horizon
disappearing
into a memory
I will always have
with me

A memory
of how
this
one time
I chose
me
and what
is most
deeply
important to me
over
a love
sweet
that wasn’t
right
for who
I want
to
be

❤ Emily Joy Rosen

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Emily Rosen is the co-owner and CEO of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating where she oversees business development strategies, student affairs, marketing and public relations, and keeps a pulse on the fields of eating psychology and nutrition to ensure the Institute’s position as a leader worldwide. Emily makes things happen. Her passion for health and transformation has provided her the opportunity to speak and present internationally and be at the forefront of a new generation of women leaders committed to making a heartfelt difference in the world. Her tireless work and faithful commitment have touched the lives of millions of fans and followers worldwide.