and she
she welcomed me
with such tender truthful trepidation
it was like seeing (re-meeting) a lover
so many years later
the love remembered
and still present, but different
and far away, yet so real
and almost available
(if we just for a moment
let it be…)
if we just for an instant
stopped pretending…

i am coming home
i said to her (the part of me
that remembered
faintly and so faithfully)

i am coming home

and i
i remember
standing over
that glittering precipice
(where light hit
all the jagged
shattered pieces
making everything broken
knowing this was going to change
everything for me
everything, if i kept leaning
if i let myself go
(falling free)

oh i want this
(i really do)
and wanting
wanting scares me
it is so much easier
to be need-free
(or at least pretend to be)
so much less room for the hurting
of not getting
what i am wanting

but that
that is a less than inspiring way
to live and most definitely not
a reflection of who i want to be
(i do not want to be
a person terrified
of (true) vulnerability
a person who
keeps her cards tight
her heart guarded
her desires silenced)


i want
i want
i do
i want her back
(the part that held
all the joy
i used to have in me)
i want her
to find her way
through every part of me
till i am in ecstasy regularly
till i am oozing delight effortlessly
till i am in love always

yes that
i want
that too

❤️ emily joy rosen

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