as a girl who feared change
and as a woman
who has fiercely resisted it
i could do well to remember this

i love familiarity
i crave ritual
i return to the same places
over and over again
finding myself in tears
at how different
my childhood haunts are
quite literally

buildings gone
stores closed
people passed
in just the last 15 years alone
most everything seems different
even my childhood home

i wonder if it is more a new england thing
i am an east coast girl
living in the middle
and often on the opposite edge
of this country
the west seems more embracing
of change
the west seems more excited
about new

but me…
i want memories
to live on permanently

i want things to be preserved
exactly as i remembered them to be

silly it seems
given it isn’t a possibility

so silly to resist
the only thing that is certain…
things changing

and so i remind myself often
of what is possible
if i lean in
instead of fold in
if i am present and patient
instead of trying to return things
to how they used to be
or trying to make them
as i want them to be

and i remember
as a little girl
opening a cocoon
eager to see the caterpillar
all wrapped up
turning into a butterfly
only to find mush
on the inside
only to realize
i had killed it
in my eagerness
to see

let transitions be
is the lesson
i am learning currently

it may look messy
it may be uncomfortable
it may not be what i think i am wanting
but it is always happening
things are always changing
ever evolving

and remember…

if nothing ever changed
there would be no such thing
as butterflies

and oh
how the world
would miss
such beauty

perhaps what is coming
is better than what used to be

perhaps we do not know
what is meant to be

perhaps it is time
to stop resisting so hard
and release

❤️ emily joy rosen

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