i often find myself wishing
for more consistency
i somehow seem to associate that
with my favorite thing:
safety

i used to think
that i would find peace
when things would just stop changing
so much (sameness seems so comforting
to me, surprises scary,
i mean really i don’t know
what i don’t know
and what if what i don’t know
is dangerous in ways i cannot anticipate
and cannot control)

i used to think
something was wrong with me
because my life felt like a roller coaster ride
(with twists and turns, ups and downs
i never could see coming,
no matter how much planning
or making perfect i attempted to do)

i used to think
if i could just get it together
and do better and be better,
i would be able to control the ebbs and flows
(this by the way did not make me very happy,
rather uptight and kinda crazy)

trying to control
the uncontrollable is exhausting
not to mention demoralizing
(i mean you are guaranteed to fail
and that doesn’t much feel good,
especially on repeat)

suffering comes
oh so effortlessly
when we resist
what we cannot
make different

seems to me
that life is always asking us
to increase flexibility
(after all it is not so much
the strongest that thrive,
rather it tends to be
the most stretchable,
the most supple
the most adaptable)

and so (for me)
life seems to be
a practice

a practice
in embracing what is
in appreciating the beauty
(even in the breaking
even in the ugly…)
in acknowledging the awful
while not dwelling
in what could have been
or what we wish was different
in taking action
while honoring feeling
being tender when needed
and fierce always
fiercely committed that is
committed to the ride
committed to curiosity
even in the mundane
even in the ecstasy

seems to me life is
an exquisite reminder
to welcome it all,
to see the loveliness in it all
because it’s happening
life is always happening
and we might as well
be as much in it (in the
flow) as possible

take it from me
someone who has spent
a great deal of my time
resisting (what is)
appreciating everything (yes
even if we want it different, even
if we have plans to change it)
is a more grateful
definitely more easeful
likely sweeter
way to live
and breathe
this thing
we call
life

❤️ emily joy rosen

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