i want to tell you
that it gets better always
and that someday
your life will look
as you dare to dream
he will choose you
she will be a forever friend
your health will be strong and steady
your mind sharp and flexible
money will flow easily
as you create value
in the way most true to you
and home will be
wherever you are

i want to tell you
i have seen people commit
such acts of kindness
it inspires me to be someone
who cares more
and loves harder

and i want to tell you
it can always get harder
it could always be worse
he may leave you
she may never speak to you again
your health may fail
your mind may forget
and you could lose everything
having to work a job you hate
to make ends meet
never quite feeling
at home

i want to tell you
i have seen people
be so incredibly cruel
it has me wanting to hide
and never engage
with humans again

and i want to tell you
that some nights
when i lay down
at the end of my day
pleasure fills me
as i feel the softness of my sheets
and the firmness of my pillow
and my eyes close
as they had been so desperate to do
and sleep washes over me
as if everything
is as it is meant to be

and i want you to know
that sometimes
when i finally lay my head to rest
fear creeps over me
caressing all the forgotten places
i avoid, dismiss and override
as i am busy doing what it is
we humans do
and i wonder
why bother even trying
as i loop on all the ways
things are just not going
as i want them to

and so
i guess i am thinking now
that maybe part of me
being here, being human
means i experience
extreme contrast
and it isn’t about not feeling
one way or the other
it isn’t about being hopeful always
or denying that sometimes
fear takes over me
it isn’t about insisting on possibility
when i am feeling terror
or hiding my happy
because others are in suffering

rather maybe
it is about embracing
that these waves
will always be
and me wanting the ocean
to be calm
is a waste of a wish
and that rather wishing
i knew how to ride the waves
with more grace
would be a better use of a wish

because this is all i know
it’s not me being dramatic
i am just feeling
so very much

so very often life feels
like driving down a highway
at 109 miles an hour
with the top down
and music screaming
while i am trying to hear
the direction giving machine
not sure where i am going
but certain i must go

and some days
i love the ride
i live for the intensity
i feel electricity
through every part of me
and i am certain
life is good
and ecstasy fills me
as faith guides me

and other days
i want it all to stop
i want the gas to run out
the speakers to blow out
and the gps to shut up
as exhaustion takes over me
and panic sets in

so every day
i do what i know to do
even when i don’t
know what to do…

i breathe

i breathe through
when all feels hopeless
or just too good to be true
i breathe
i breathe

because it is the thing
i most know to be true
this thing
this breath
is the thing
most consistent
most pure
most real to me
no matter what
i am questioning
or wanting to be
i will need to breathe
i will need my breath
to take me through

as do you…

we all need our breath
to take us through

❤️ emily joy rosen

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