hey you
yes you
this has been quite
the ride, hasn’t it

i find myself wondering
if you’re tired too
maybe you
like me have been
searching endlessly
chasing possibility
guzzling fantasy
inhaling sweet nothings
we make mean everything
there is something
so compelling (dare i say noble)
about the quest
i fancied myself a seeker, see
someone with ceaseless curiosity
a girl who never settled
for a simple yes or no
a women hungry
not just for information
but for wisdom more true
more and more true

always wanting more
that is me
a voracious consumer

this drive (my insatiable
appetite)
has taken me
so very far and wide

i have experienced worlds
had my mind blown (again
and again)
and met
so very many hearts
but lately
what used to feed me
has left me empty
staring into sparkly eyes
hoping for a flicker
of what i used to believe

oh, i know
i know what this is
a sign
a something new

and so she came (as she always
does when facing new)
the panic
the terror i know so well
she came
making waves
through every last inch
of my now trembling body
i don’t want this
i thought
i don’t want
to feel this way
i almost screamed
but she got louder
than me
insisting
i make myself breathe
and so i did
i breathed till
i became her
and she me
and everything
once solid
became motion (an undeniable
becoming)
as pain
turned to pleasure
and i, i learned (finally)
how to go in
in
instead of out
in instead of out
oh that
this
this might
change everything
a performer mostly

what if
i didn’t
need you
to approve of me

who then
would i be
who then
will i be…

❤️ emily joy rosen

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