as a girl who feared change (and as a woman who has fiercely resisted it) i could do well to remember this. i love familiarity. i crave ritual. i return to the same places (over and over again) finding myself in tears at how different my childhood haunts are (quite literally), buildings gone, stores closed, people passed. in just the last 15 years alone, most everything seems different (even my childhood home). i wonder if it is more of a new england thing (i am an east coast girl living in the middle (and often on the opposite edge) of this country). the west seems more embracing of change. the west seems more excited about new. but me, i want memories to live on (permanently). i want things to be preserved (exactly as I remembered them to be). silly it seems (given it isn’t a possibility), so silly to resist the only thing that is certain: things changing. and so i remind myself often of what is possible if i lean in (instead of fold in), if i am present and patient (instead of trying to return things to how they used to be, or trying to make them as i want them to be). and i remember (as a little girl) opening a cocoon eager to see the caterpillar all wrapped up (turning into a butterfly) only to find mush on the inside, only to realize i had killed it (in my eagerness to see). “let transitions be” is the lesson i am learning currently. it may look messy. it may be uncomfortable. it may not be what i (think i) am wanting. but it is (always) happening. things are always changing (ever evolving). and remember, if nothing ever changed, there would be no such thing as butterflies. and oh, how the world would miss such beauty. perhaps what is coming is better than what used to be, perhaps we do not know what is meant to be. perhaps it is time to stop resisting so hard, and release…
❤️ emily joy rosen

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