i think one of the most dangerous phrases
i hear people say all the time is
“that’s just how it is”
especially when it comes to self
“that’s just how i am”
is the quickest way i know
to keep transformation at bay
because from there
there is no place to go
it kills curiosity
and then the only thing we can do
is build a life around
what we have decided
is true

has become a rather hot topic
these days
and for good reason
i think it’s truly
one of the most valuable assets
we can have

being able to recognize yourself
strengths and weaknesses
and know yourself
is key to living a life that’s true
and congruent

but i want to caution
against something
i recently found myself doing

for much of my 20s
i thought personal development
and self exploration
was rather narcissistic
i didn’t quite get how significant it was
to me it just looked like a lot of people
sitting around
talking about themselves

now i truly believe
it’s as fundamental
as personal hygiene
but i have noticed a trend
with those of us steeped in this world
to eventually stop our willingness
to question everything
as we may have been willing
in the beginning
because we think we already know
what there is to know

and i can see the ways in which
i am very guilty
of saying things like
“that is just me”
in a way that is actually
and it is a way
i hold people hostage
to how i have decided to be

now don’t get me wrong
i think we do have natural propensities
and i do think there are traits
and characteristics that we come in with
but i am not convinced
“that’s just how i am”
is a useful statement
in fact, i think it may be harmful
and actually prevent
true, deep and rich
as it makes certain things
essentially off limits
to questioning
because they are
assumed truths

i can be very set in my ways
i can be uncompromising
and just plain neurotic
so recently i have been looking
at my lack of flexibility
and questioning
what is really me
and what is really me coping
or trying to get my way

and i have started a practice
i would like to share with you
which is that
whenever i catch myself saying
“that’s just how it is”
“that’s just how i am”

i pause
and check in instead

what has been happening
is fascinating
my world is expanding
because i am open
to being open
i am willing to be wrong
and ready to change
to be my version of happy

here is the thing
more than ever before
i am aware
of how fleeting time is
and how little i know

resistance steals time
being committed to a story
slows progress
and i have so many places
i want to go

so my recommendation
is simple
pay attention
to anything
you find yourself
not willing
to question

you might be surprised
by what you learn
about you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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