my mama used to wake me
by singing
“you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are gray
you’ll never know dear
how much i love you
so please don’t take
my sunshine
away”

i never much liked mornings
(my mom is the most morningest
morning person I know)
i never much enjoyed
being out in the sun
(always preferring
to be inside drawing
or painting something
my sister and father
for sure being more
of the sun worshippers)

i did
(and still do)
love the idea
that i made my mom happy
(and that she wouldn’t
want me to go away)
i do like
when people want me
to stay
(especially forever
forever is my favorite)

i also quite
liked the idea
of being someone’s
only sunshine
(maybe this is
where my obsession
with specialness began)

i have always
had a yearning
to be someone’s only
(maybe fairy tales ruined me)
music is loaded
with some super intense messaging
around loving
and longings

i wonder
if some of us
are simply immune
to the romanticism
of dependency
i for one
am not

and it has been
quite a mess
of sweet nothings
i have been attempting
to untangle
because i am genuinely not sure
what is true for me (me)
and what is conditioning
so i am getting my hands
awfully messy
feeling lost often
and embarrassingly confused

but i worship sunshine now
and occasionally
enjoy a sunrise too
so i know we can change
(in ways we thought we never would
in ways that contradict
who we thought
we would be)
and that feels
most exciting
that feels sparkly
and shiny
and new

like this dress
this dress
is new too

❤️ emily joy rosen

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