the man i married
bought me this coat

he bought it for me
a few days after christmas

it was the most expensive coat
I had ever owned
and i loved it so much
i never wore it

this is often true for me,
i have at least a few dozen
pieces of clothing
i loved so much
i never wore them

my sister and dad
are more likely to leave the store
in the new item they just purchased
while my mom and i
are more likely to save the piece
for a special occasion
a more memorable moment
(that in my case
doesn’t always come…)

i own a bizarre amount of clothing
given that i wear the same things
over and over and over again

comfort is my number one priority,
and i am picky as heck
about the texture of fabrics
and the flexibility of waist lines

this coat has shape and character,
it’s fitted and tailored
and i felt fancy in it
at the store,
i felt like a different emily
a fabulously fancy kinda girl

my husband wore nice clothing…
very nice, and it looked good on him

i imagined this coat was the start
of something new for me…

a world where i wore beautiful things
and looked neat and pretty
(i was a chef at the time
so most everything i wore
was stained and tattered
washed out and grayish)

but i was incorrect,
this coat was not the start
of a new chapter
where i dressed nice
and was a married lady

we divorced
and i took a long while
to recover

but now
i buy myself
even more beautiful quality things

this is no longer
the most expensive
piece of clothing i own

and there is no one
who buys my clothing for me
and frankly
i wouldn’t change a thing
about that (for now)
i like knowing i can buy myself
not only what i need
but what i want, what has me
feeling fanciful and competent (i worked
hard to know that)

so thank you,
man i married,
for this coat
it still fits me
and it still has me feel fancy
over a decade later

i don’t know
if i would have appreciated
something nice like this without you

we leave each other gifts
when we separate
from the forms we imagined living in

this man left me
a heart broken,
this bright orange coat
and profound clarity
(which came in time,
a ways down the road…)

so yes
thanks man i married
and loved so
i remember you most
when it snows…

❤️ emily joy rosen

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