i so wish
you could have come with me
on this part of the journey

i remember
watching the door close
so slow
it was like
i had stepped into a reality
where there was no time
and you
you turned back
and looked at me
like you already missed me

(opening places
i didn’t know
i had in me)

i had never
had someone
miss me before
and it melted me
you melted me
you softened me
and were so
exquisitely patient
with me

it touches me even now
as a distant memory
of how i wish
more things could be

i remembered hearing
that moments can
etch themselves in your mind
and i told myself
to keep this memory
deliberately, impeccably

it was the first time i remember
wanting to keep something
so desperately
a forever longing

when the wind beats my house
i imagine it is you
fighting to come through
you were always such a trooper
a warrior for good
it is what i admired most about you
you were never
gonna give up
at least not without a fight

your unwavering sincerity
and commitment
to that which you preached
inspired me
you took a stand for our humanity
and you taught me
how to see pain
as beauty
and you showed me
how words could hold hearts
and penetrate a soul

i so want you to know
that i write now
and how when i do
i often think of you
i find myself wishing
you could read my words
as i did yours
(your words were the first
that made me cry
just in the reading)

with you i understood
that all the broken parts of me
made a whole

there is much
i feel i don’t know
i spent my twenties
searching for truth
only to feel more confused
but what i do know is
that you were true

i stole your stories
after you left us
and read your secrets
till i was certain
i had been wrong
terribly so

you were the first person
i cursed the universe for
i lost faith
when you died
so soon
too soon

i wish you could know
how sorry i am
for doubting you

i don’t live with many regrets
but the ones that i do carry
become the stardust
my dreams are made of
(so yes, my dreams
are often made of you)

this way
you stay with me always
as i close my eyes
and the door opens again

i often wonder
if i will ever
get to see you again
because i know
what i would say
if i did
(if i do)
i want you to know:
i believed in you…

❤️ emily joy rosen

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