i got better
at goodbyes in 2018
dare i say even goodish
at letting go

like most everything
i learned this the harder way,
because i had to
pain can be a great motivator
and in my case i finally got
how often it’s the holding on
that hurts the most,
bringing out the desperate in me
the less than sane version of me
who grasps for straws
of what used to be

business taught me
to pivot quickly,
to shift course rapidly,
training me to not get too precious
so i can maintain flexibility,
the quality i find i most need
to succeed consistently

i was able to learn this
after 6 years of resisting change,
anxiety running me nearly ragged
but i did learn, i have changed

but with people
it has never felt possible
to just say no, no more,
this is goodbye
for you and me
at least for now
i need less of you
and more of me

but in 2018 something happened  
i was not okay the first half of the year
i was the most in need
i can remember being
and it felt like i didn’t have a choice
but to let go of those
who didn’t show up for me
when i couldn’t show up
because my endless energy
and resiliency simply wasn’t there
and i had to conserve
quite literally

and so goodbyes came
and i let go
and time passed
and i found
much to my surprise
i survived the partings
i even enjoyed
a few farewells

and i learned
to take myself
by the hand

the only hand
i will for sure have
for as long as
i’m alive

my own

❤️ emily joy rosen

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