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i am like her, the one you left for me. and i hope you know i knew you would leave me as you did her. but i didn’t much care because i wear rejection like other women wear diamonds, covered in the memories of those lost… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

i am like her
the one you left
for me

and i hope
you know
i knew
you would leave me
as you did her

but i didn’t much care
because i wear
like other women
wear diamonds
covered in the memories
of those lost

and i know
you thought
i would never
do better
than you
so my days
would be spent
and rewinding

but you never knew me
i breathed love
through all the tears
because nothing is better
than being with someone
who chooses me
and you were never
going to choose

because i know
options are your fuel
and you run
on women’s hearts
like big trucks
run on diesel fuel
always taking
a little more than you need
always costing
more than
you should

you must think
i am drunk
but i got sober
when you left me

so sure
come again please
i would like
to have the opportunity
to face you  
for girls like me
become women
who don’t sell
their truths
for late night dinners
garnished with pleasantries
and stories
devoid of truth
designed to make me want you

i don’t live
for your compliments anymore

and i don’t need
your approval

i took all that wanting
and needing
and turned it in
on me

i poured
all that yearning
for something more
into me
and filled my belly
till i was so full
i didn’t even feel lonely

and slowly, the missing
seeped out of me
and slowly, the hurt
turned to tender memories
that hit me swiftly
and moved on easily

i hope you find her
the one you don’t
want to leave
for someone
and shinier

i hope you
learn to see
how your obsession with
“could be better”
“must keep my options open always”
is torturing
mostly you  

because we move on
and you’re cycling back through now
calling ones from before
and i am flattered
i am
i even notice
the love
i have in me
for you

but i know you
you will never be satisfied
not with me
not with anybody
till you start

till you stop
chasing pretty

so that empty
feels filled
and not just momentarily

i admit
i wanted to be that girl for you
i wanted to be the one you stopped on
i thought i would be different
if i just poured
enough of me
into you
if i gave you space
but let you know
i was always here
if i never got angry
and always did things perfectly
and so sweetly

but it blew up
didn’t it
it didn’t work
not really

and i got clear
i am just not the girl
to teach you how to adore
i am just not your girl

❤️ emily joy rosen

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