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we seem to me to be very happy to throw around words like love, friend, always, forever, promise. for sure language is powerful. words often elicit feeling feelings impact people and we tend to make decisions based on impact… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

we seem to me
to be very happy
to throw around
words like
love
friend
always
forever
promise
for sure

language is powerful

words often elicit feeling
feelings impact people
and we tend to make decisions
based on impact
we often make choices
(consciously
and not so consciously)
based on what we feel
or based on
what we are wanting to feel

feelings tend to follow thought
(not always
but more often than not)

and thoughts
we can learn to choose

thoughts
are often made of words
yes some of us think in pictures
but most of us
are talking to ourselves
using words

and many of us
are constructing
our reality
based on what we are making
words mean
without being aware
of how very much
we are architecting
our reality

let me give an example

you have a crush
(a nearly consuming one)
you know
chemicals surging
you cannot be around this person
without feeling breathy
and tingly
it feels good
and intense
you want more
and are scared

now i find
crushing hard
wanting bad
can actually feel
similar to anxiety
to me
that fluttery feeling
that if i didn’t name it
could be
excitement, terror
lust or even ecstasy

so here you are feeling
just the sweetest bit
out of control
just feeling so much feeling
and
here we have a choice
do i lean into this?
or run?

now as far as i can tell
as soon as we ask that question
we start thinking
we start trying to make sense of things
we start to apply meaning
and most of us get a bit
analytical

we start to try and measure
how hurt we could get
is this person even worth the risk
how do we know they even like us back
is this what i want…

and when we do this
we tend to start to replay
the tapes
we start to search through the memories
of what they said to us
we start to look for clues
that we are going to be safe
in the ways that matter most to us

and here
is where
what we say
becomes
of highest importance
here is how
we mess
each other up
with the words

we find so easy
to make mean
what we want them to

i learned this
the hard way
i remember
when my husband
got on a plane
and never came back
realizing
that marriage
didn’t mean the same thing
to him
as it did to me
that commitment
was subjective
and we all have
our loopholes,
our outs we justify
as right and good,
healthy even
that seem assumed
to be shared
when the going gets tough
the pain real

so what i learned
and what i want to share with you is
we need to be willing
to get deeply curious
about words
the words we use
the words we assume
mean the same thing
to those we share hearts with

because much of the damage i see
is from intimacies given freely
without any concern
for shared reality
for what they mean

yes because
while i may seem cold
when we meet
or stingy with words sweet

words like
love
friend
always
forever
promise
for sure
mean something
deep and very real to me
they mean not only
an expression of how i feel
but a commitment
to take action accordingly

and while i would like to see
us all use words
with more responsibility
i have learned over and over again
i cannot control
how people do what they do
and if they choose to use words
that mean so little to them
to make connections sweet
when they meet
or make romancing
go more rapidly
that is on them
not me
and at least
i get to know
that words
still have great meaning
for me
that at least
i mean
what i say
and i say
what i mean

❤️ emily joy rosen

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