Warning: Declaration of ET_Theme_Builder_Woocommerce_Product_Variable_Placeholder::get_available_variations() should be compatible with WC_Product_Variable::get_available_variations($return = 'array') in /home/customer/www/emilyjoyrosen.com/public_html/wp-content/themes/Divi/includes/builder/frontend-builder/theme-builder/WoocommerceProductVariablePlaceholder.php on line 8
i spend a lot of time in fantasy… a land without mediocrity. i am pretty sure that what messes us up the most is what we have been told is supposed to be, what we have been told it's going to look like. this growing old slowly is what we call living. how disturbingly fascinating that living and dying are the same thing… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

i spend a lot of time in fantasy
a land without mediocrity

i am pretty sure
that what messes us up the most is
what we have been told is supposed to be
what we have been told it’s going to look like

this growing old slowly
is what we call living

how disturbingly fascinating
that living and dying
are the same thing

being home-schooled, protected from tv
magazines and cultural memes
at least for my early years
it took me a while to adopt the silent virus
“you are never enough”

my mother had my sister and i
read books about possibility
stories of people who triumphed above all
and made the most of their time here
in this oh so fragile world

i didn’t consider myself
ambitious or driven
i mostly just wanted to
paint beautiful things
have best friends
and fall in love

some days, i fantasize
about being who i used to be
the fantasy rooted in a desire
for more simplicity

my world these days often feels harsh
and so incredibly fast

i am starting to watch
for how i use phrases with certainty
that are definitely
not true for me

how quick we are to pick up
what others say
and adopt it as our own
without questioning

it makes us a more easily controlled population
and this is what concerns me the most

i see it every day in my work with eating psychology
people holding crippling beliefs
that keep them locked in a food prison
at the institute, we call these toxic nutritional beliefs
a term that just about says it all
the thoughts we think can be just as poisonous
as the toxins we breathe in
and the ones that coat our food

it’s the stories we tell ourselves
that create our reality
and this is not just some fanciful notion
this is literally what is happening
on a cellular level
as we bathe ourselves
in fear, doubt, shame, and hate

so while i’m all for fantasy
let’s be careful
that what we’re fantasizing about
is not just some story
we’ve been taught
to keep us small
and feeling like we always need
need more
need different
need something

because that is how we get hooked
you and me

all this never-enoughing
all this self-attacking
all this reaching outside of ourselves
to temporarily ease the pain
of feeling like you are forever lacking
is a disease
It is not you
that i can promise you

it is learned
it is trained into you

as i have been taking time away
i have started to see
the web i created
in my psyche
more clearly
i have started to see the things
i have let drive me
as not me

and I have begun questioning
which is not unlike me
it’s just that this time
it’s different
it’s with a sense of detachment

i think it’s mostly because
i am finally okay with being wrong
i am completely willing
to let go of everything
i have believed to be true
i am finally more interested
in being free
than being right

and that has made
all the difference
i find myself
unexpectedly happy
dancing with the possibility
that nothing is as it seems
and I am just not the person
i imagined myself to be

i hope you let yourself
question everything
even if just to confirm
how very much you believe

as far as I can tell
being right
has nothing
on being free
at least not for me

and repeat

❤️ emily joy rosen

get emily's poetry collection (for free)

a beautiful, downloadable, keepsake e-book featuring a selection of emily's best-loved poems

your poetry book is on its way!