oh the beauty in the breaking. sometimes we fall. sometimes i fall… this time i broke (quite literally) just before my knees hit the floor, i broke.
the view is most definitely different from down here. a humility for sure, a dignity i hope, a higher intelligence uncomfortably yes… i can see clearer now (than ever it seems) and while it isn’t pretty, it’s crystal clear what’s true for me and what i have to do… and i don’t want to… i don’t want to do what i know i have to do. there is some music i simply don’t want to face… there are some feelings i really don’t want to feel, some paper work i dread doing, some conversations i am in a panic about having.
it just all seems so very hard… almost too hard. but my world has fallen apart… again. and i know what happens when you don’t listen carefully here… if you try and put things back together how they used to be… if i dodge correctness in favor of seeming comfort… yes, i do, I know what happens… things tend to get ugly, uglier… darker and just all kinds of sideways and bad and wrong and so not good… and well i don’t want that for (you or) me. no i don’t… so hard here i come, hard work it’s time to be done. hard work i am a gonna face you and do you. yes i am.
and so i begin the slow, confronting, life altering process of emerging from the shatterings… yes slow and steady, careful and bold we go… humble and dignified, wiser and kinder… because sometime we fall (hard)… and sometimes we get gifts just before our knees hit the floor, gifts we can only open as we begin to stand again… this time differently… this time with nobility maybe, honor for sure, courage and grace, yes the grace of someone who got back up… even when hurt, even when scared and freaked and tired and sad, yes even when, even then… yes then too…
❤️ emily joy rosen