and the storms
for her
and she learned
to laugh
never in spite
but rather
at the
of it all

and we keep going
pressing against
the future
and acting
as if we have forever

some days i feel
my mortality
was one of those days
every breath
felt precious
as my pulse
beat out of me

the urgency
built in me
as i realized
(again and again)
this is my one shot
to be happy
as this person
in this time
in this moment
(and this moment)

and that actually
seems to matter
to me now
(maybe for the first time ever)
i think it may matter
to me
that i be happy
(at least my version of happy)

i used to smirk
at people who prioritized
i imagined them
indulging endlessly
their desires
(at all cost)
and making excuses
to justify
their undeniable laziness
speaking pleasantries
chasing silly

but now
i find myself wondering
what i should
be prioritizing
what really matters
to me

is it really to just be happy?
i hear people say that all the time
“i just want you to be happy”
i hear myself say it even
but that doesn’t seem entirely true
because if i look at what i choose
it isn’t always happiness
because when i look at what we do
it is rarely choosing happy

so i thought to myself
at least for now
i need to get more specific

i need to not be sloppy
and just say
“being happy”
is what matters to me

because in my experience
the more clarity
i create
the more of what i want
i am able to actualize

so for now
here is what
lights me up
makes my toes curl
my heart joyful
my brain quieter
my being more content
(almost calm, nearly peaceful)

people who love practically
who extend love sincerely

unwavering commitment
to what we say we are committed to

a certainty that this is real
an understanding that we value truth
most (more than anything)

a knowing of what i am devoted to
and a desire to make good
not just for me
but for those around me

in myself and in those around me
without this i am not so sure
we have anything
(and this may be the hardest for me)

all the ways we have been taught to hide
encouraged to put on airs
and to pretend to be
has us far away
from shared reality
has us really far
from happy
true happy
the kind
i would want
for you
and me

may you get clear
on what happy is for you
may you create a life
that reflects what you say
matters to you

we need more people
living in a way that feels
most true

i think this would not only help
but the world

❤️ emily joy rosen

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