i am disappointed
by how often
we choose cruelty

i understand hurt
i know pain
i have experienced suffering

and from there
i admit
i have attacked
i have lashed out
i have even considered

but take it from me
someone who has been
on the warpath

it never
actually gets you
what you are wanting
at least that was true for me
it only sunk me deeper
way deeper
into self-loathing
and a reality where everything
was disappointing
and ugly

when we choose
it spills into everything

when we choose
to lash out
it leaves holes
in the very fabric
that binds us
and kills connection

and we humans
don’t do well

we humans
don’t do well
and villainizing
claiming endless

and this is not to say
that i don’t think
some of us
have been victims
of very real abuse
but this is to say
how you choose to heal
will say more about you
than anything that was done to you

and if you think
healing is making sure
your abuser suffers too
then i have to tell you
there is an abuser
in you too
and this is how
the cycle

i am pretty sure
we can all agree
that we all make mistakes
along the way

and i am pretty sure
we can all agree
there is always more
than one reality

i am pretty sure
we have all needed forgiveness
and a universal spanking
at one time or another

but what i am interested in
is what you choose to do
when it’s time to make your move

i run a private community
for individuals who have been sexually abused
real, unmistakable, violent acts
have been experienced
often repeatedly
and i am blown away
by the compassion, strength,
grace, and courage
i am witnessing daily

and i keep thinking to myself
what if we try
to elevate
the conversation always
what if always
no matter what
we seek to make
the very best
of everything
we have experienced

i would not wish
my twenties
on my worst enemy
the things i did to myself
and that were done to me
were often horrifying

but i will not let that
shape my thirties
and i will definitely
not let any version
of “poor me”

i get it…
something went wrong
we got burned
someone got in
and tore the house down
and we have felt broken
shattered even maybe

perhaps someone did
take something from you
maybe the trauma
is still affecting you
and you are angry
you are hurt

but still i say
don’t let anything
or anyone
make an abuser
of you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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