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oh touch how you terrify me. and girls with trauma become women with intimacy “issues” while the love we always wanted lies just fingertips away. but we know we are gonna have to do what feels like the impossible (we are going to have to choose to trust again), if we want to have the thing we most want… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

oh touch
how you terrify me

and girls with trauma
become women
with intimacy “issues”
while the love
we always wanted
lies just fingertips away

but we know
we are gonna have to do
what feels like the impossible
(we are going to have to choose
to trust again)
if we want to have
the thing
we most want

and sigh…
that is scary
(to put it mildly)

but oh the alternative
it’s not so good
you know
what we do
we play a role
in our own life
never truly close
never really happy
performing just well enough
no one seems to notice
we are so very far away

and

it feels important for me
to let you know
i think there is a different way
and i tried it just a bit ago
and though it didn’t yield
the results i thought i wanted
most of all
it taught me a lot
it showed me a way
and it gave me a taste
of what can be possible
if i just learn to discern
a little bit better
(which is partly about
knowing myself better
and getting
finally clear
about what i want
and who i need to be (come)
to have what i am wanting)

and so we learn
it’s not about pretending
it never happened
it’s not about forgetting
they broke your heart
it’s about being honest
about the pain
and knowing you lived through
and survived
and deciding
you are unwilling
to give up
on what you say
matters to you
because they
didn’t want you
because they did
betray you

and to be clear
in all sincerity
i am saying this as much
for me (as you)
because when i fall
it’s extreme
and when connection is lost
it does feel like a dying
and i would prefer
not to feel that hurt
anymore
and am tempted
to build walls
avoid risk
and learn to get close enough
to feel the rush
but never open really
in the ways the words i use
imply i have

but

that seems
like a rather bleak reality

not one i would want
for you and me

so let yourself feel
so you can heal
let someone you choose
touch you
and breathe
breathe through
the memories
and fear
the not knowings
and tears

because just because
someone took something
from you
that didn’t belong to them
doesn’t mean
you need to take
what has always belonged to you
away from you

because girls
with intimacy “issues”
can become women who love
fiercely
tenderly
completely
without needing
always wanting
beautifully

❤️ emily joy rosen

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