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some girls cry harder. some women scream louder. some gals become ladies, others royalty, while some stay princesses forever regressing while aging obsessing about how it used to be. convinced that pretty equals deserving… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

some girls
cry harder
some women
scream louder

some gals
become ladies
others royalty
while some stay
princesses forever
regressing while aging
obsessing about how it used to be
convinced that pretty
equals deserving

using sex as currency
peddling our pleasure
for sparkly things

selling spirit
for soulless safety
of the structural kind
speaking vows
at altars
that insist
we stay small
seriously subservient
the property of ideologies
we never knew
to question

till we did

and yes
it’s getting messy now
as one could have assumed
it would
but messes
do not scare me
as they do you

and not just because
i read nietzsche
in german philosophy
where i learned
chaos could birth
a dancing star
but because it’s been
messy for me always
at least on the inside
living in a world
that wasn’t made for me
with so many implicit rules
i never knew to agree

and you
you might remember me
though it might be hard
to recognize me
you see
i used to live
an apology

i used to breathe
sorry, so many sorries
instead of feelings
most true to me

but finally
all my too muchness
got to me
all my trying
to not be too much
became too much for me

because
i am one of those girls
who cries harder
i am one of those women
who screams louder

and all the ways
i was told
that was not okay
had me not even knowing
i was sad
had me so far away
from my anger
i wouldn’t have known
what to shout about
i wouldn’t have known
what the tears were for

yes some of us
stay princesses forever
some of us keep
painting on our faces
contorting our bodies
biting our tongue
suppressing our longings
denying our knowings
pretend connecting
always needing you
to approve of me

and some of us
explode into so many pieces
we have no choice
but to put ourselves
back differently
all the bits
needing to be held together
differently than before

and this is where
you get to choose
and i recommend
dignity over popularity

yes when you realize
you can decide
how you put yourself
back together
and what rules
you agree to

when that happens
i suggest a stand
for nobility
humble dignity
grace and honor
self respect
self worth
self kindness
oh and
devotion

yes those things
please

❤️ emily joy rosen

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