i am sorry you got so hurt
i am sorry i did too

but mostly i am sorry
that people can be
so cruel

and i know
how that can make
the lights go out

trust me, i see
i know it intimately

we just handled
the dimming differently

though it seems
we both arrived here
you know, in the land
of “never again…”

(the land of
quick reacting
and fierce protecting
where triggers, trauma
and what is happening now
and all we seem to be able
to do here
is go to war
or freeze
as hearts bleed
and minds race
palms sweat
and some part of us
screams from a world
far away
no stop
this isn’t me
at least
this isn’t who
i used to be)

but something
comes online in me
with you
it’s just a flicker
a faint flash
a spark even

but it is the first time
in forever
i’ve felt it…

the something i lost

(the somethings i lost
when those things happened
that i just couldn’t get right with)

and i get tender
true tastes
of it back
with you

and i think
that is why
i am here
i think that is why
we are here

we can’t just be here
to learn to cope
we can’t just be here
to try and build worlds
safe from hurt
we can’t, i can’t

that isn’t enough
for you and me
us and them
it isn’t enough

i want healing
not hiding
i want to thriving
not just surviving
i want to deep bonding
not just acquaintance making
i want love pure

and i want to know
that i didn’t design my world
around the wounds
from the things
that wrecked me

taking caution for sure
remembering the hard earned
wisdom (hopefully always)

but let’s not
now be cruel
to ourselves too

let’s not let the hurts
the shock and pain
the disgust
and disturbances
from before
run our future

at least this is
what i aim to do

and it’s why i stay
why i want to stay
in connection with you
why i choose…

there are moments
when i feel (me)
with you

with you

with you

with you

because yes
i think the scars
from connection before
need to be healed
in connection
for sure

so together
we go

together we

because we,
we are
still alive

❤️ emily joy rosen

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