all of us have stories we tell ourselves for some of us it's a story of glory for others of us

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he took something from you didn’t he? a thing you couldn’t get back and you made that mean something about you…

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nd then one night we ran so fast i felt the wind beating me cool and full of mist so wet i was certain it was washing me clean “look up!" he shouted

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i wish my words could breathe life back into you i see you with your glazed-over eyes

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one of the things i am most blessed with is astute aware friends who ask great questions yes, i have friends who help me see, know myself more, grow and be better...

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i have more than once given my heart to men who didn’t want it i have more than once felt the sting of rejection as my desperation met cold

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i am sorry you got so hurt i am sorry i did too but mostly i am sorry that people can be so cruel and i know how that can make the lights go out

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i think what hurts the most is that who i have become to create what i have to support others (and myself) as i have has made me a person

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all my romantic relationships have given me gift-like somethings presents of the unseen kind

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fear visits me frequently i used to wish for a life without fear but i now know wishing not to feel something tends to be wish wasting

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"you’re a darkness dancer” she said pointing her tiny finger unquestionably at me i felt myself shrink in her knowing

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i got better at goodbyes in 2018 dare i say even goodish at letting go like most everything i learned this the harder way,

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i lost my appetite for a good part of this year the girl who didn’t care about much in me, didn’t care… part of me liked not having to worry about cravings, eating only for fuel part of me liked feeling less human, needless in a way…

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my mom wanted to see this peak. she insisted i come... i haven’t been feeling well and wanted to stay in bed but my mom’s zest for national parks and seeing every inch of them is infectious and so i rallied.

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every year we take a family vacation around christmas my mom’s birthday is december 21st and my sister’s is december 24th...

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i went on a lot of road trips this year from colorado to california and back again at least eleven times...

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i don’t have a bucket list, but i do watch the bachelor (blush), where they always go on a hot air balloon ride...

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giving thanks. thanks giving. family and friends. my belly hurts (in the best kinda way) from laughing and eating (almost) nonstop.

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tonight. because sometimes everything is right, for a moment or ten… rightness.

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oh can you feel it, i whispered yes, he said don’t go please, i said, not yet please don’t go okay, he said

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i can tell you are tired i keep hoping someone will say i keep hoping someone will notice what i gave away

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i had a very hard loss (this year) hard because it was permanent hard because i really wanted it hard because it depleted my body hard because i didn’t know how to process it hard because it broke my heart hard because i was angry at myself

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Who you are in the breakdown that is what’s interesting to me Everyone well, most everyone can be delightful and carefree

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i filmed twenty-two new poetry videos yesterday with allergies and only four hours of sleep jet-lag is a very real thing, sneezing is so tiring, sleep is officially necessary (since i hit thirty) but/and despite these physical setbacks

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i often feel self-conscious about my relationship with nature (especially since moving to boulder and dating men who live to be outside)

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so a few months ago i got a call to come speak about business building to a group of women entrepreneurs on the adriatic sea. and ya know

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goodbye Croatia... a super early morning flight, a belly full of vitamin c and bubbly. my body is all kinds of wacked from time zone shifting,

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because i am on a boat in Croatia and i’ve finally reached the place where i can enjoy where i am even without steady cell service.

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home for a few days, in between NYC and Croatia and about to dive into another three day event here in boulder, co. i have been on a plane or road-tripping

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