his hands on my body
felt like summer rain

and i remember
that time when i was only 7
in the field near my home
as the sky fell over me
i was gleeful
and so incredibly carefree
as the raindrops kissed me

i often find myself wishing
to go back
and talk to her

so i could tell her
that all the bumps in the road
were actually made for her
to become who she is meant to be

i wish i could lift her face
from the cold tile floor
as she lay there
at the base of the toilet bowl
wondering if this night
the violence would overtake her

i wish i could whisper in her ear
as he crept in reeking of whisky
you can leave
you can’t save someone
when you yourself are dying

i wish i could crawl behind her
as she sat in the closet
listening to screaming
and doors slamming
that this is not your fault
and you couldn’t have done anything
more perfectly

i wish i could sit beside her
as her art was critiqued endlessly
and say, it’s okay,
it’s their opinion
not the truth
and what matters most
is what is true to you
and your expression
can be nothing but beautiful

i wish i could hold her
as the bottom fell out of her world
when it felt like everyone
she had loved the most
had turned on her
and tell her
no one
to be treated this way

and i wish i could tell her
every day
from 17 – 27
don’t worry,
you’ll find your way

so i close my eyes
and go back
to that time in the field
when the sun disappeared
and the rain came
and suddenly

and i let his hands drift over me…
letting each fingerprint
mean something
letting it be me
visiting my memories
letting his touch
remind me of the tenderness
i never gave her

and i lean in
all the way
till i am undoubtedly with her
my lips pressed against her ear
and make sure she knows
this time
i promise
she will be

❤️ emily joy rosen

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