i am so sorry for how i have hurt you
for all the ways i check out
got tough
and cold
sometimes i see you as i close my eyes
alone in your room, looking at the remnants of my presence
i was always a messy one
leaving a trail wherever i went
i am sorry for my carelessness
i was reckless with your heart
there are many things i am proud of
this is not one of them
i suppose in ways i have been overcompensating for a lifetime
but i promise i didn’t know
i didn’t know better
i didn’t know how to face you
hold you
let you know i saw you
and i couldn’t meet you
so i distracted
i destructed
and i made a mess
i know
and i wish my knowing mattered to you
i wish i could show you all the ways you shaped me
how your love touched me
touches me even now
when i think of someone good
something pure
i think of you

i wish the world taught us how to do relationship
so much hurt
so many games
so many lives left in shambles
hearts shatter
spirits broken
by lack of communication
inability to say what is true
vulnerability seen as weakness
and desires hidden

i am committed to a different world
a different way of living
and relationships that are true

is there someone you need to say sorry to?

❤️ emily joy rosen

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