i get it
you are mad at me
i would be mad at me too
if i was you
trying to understand me
through your reality

there is so much pain
created by lack of ability
to understand how other people
think and feel differently

people get furious with me
all the time
for not giving them
super specific advice
on social media
i understand the frustration,
i do
but i promise you,
it is not because
i don’t love you
it is because
i know that what helped me
was learning to trust myself
a practical dedication to integrity
helping others consistently
and cultivating self care

and i honestly know
i have no idea
if that is what will work
for you

i do not know
why you have an eating disorder
i do not know
what you should do to heal your body
i imagine there are people who do
at least i know a lot of people online
pretending they do
and i just have no interest
in being a part
of the toxic guru based
conversation i see everywhere
where i tell you what is wrong with you
and then tell you i have all the tips and tricks
to fix you

as far as i can tell
when someone is giving specific advice to someone
without taking the time to understand them
they run a high risk of re-wounding
and frankly
i think it is out of integrity

so yes,
seek support
ask questions
get guidance
hire mentors

but when it comes to matters of the heart
when it comes to listening to your soul
i implore you to go
inward

if you don’t
you will always and forever
be grasping for straws
and you will misinterpret
people’s narcissism
for wisdom

you will trust them
over yourself
because they have the titles
the authority,
the numbers
the clout

now you might be reading this thinking
how are you any different from this

and in many ways
i am not
iin many ways,
this post is as much a reminder to me
as it is to you

i just really don’t want you thinking
something is wrong with you…
because you tried a diet plan
that worked for so and so
and it didn’t work for you

or because some people
got where you want to go
faster than you
and you feel that you did
exactly what they did

or because positive memes
on social media
don’t resonate
with your experience
of reality

i share what impacts me
i share what i have found helpful
and what i believe
to be true

but it really really really
might not be true for you
and that doesn’t mean anything
is wrong with you

it means that we feel differently
we see differently
and as such, will likely need
something different
than what i offer
i get that
and i am so okay with that
because if all i ever do
is help you feel
even if that comes from you realizing
you dislike me
and are nothing like me
i will sleep easy

because this is so important
this is key

you need to actually learn to feel
truth in your body

for me,
i trained myself to feel this
by reading a lot of different ideologies
and catching how i think
and feel
as i read the ideas of others

so as i read,
i reflect…

do i find myself nodding my head
do i feel enraged
or confused
do i find myself clear
and joyful
do i finally feel understood

this is how i do self inquiry

first notice
what i am feeling
and thinking
i breathe into it
get rooted in the sensation
and then i ask,
why

and i keep going deeper
and deeper into that question
i keep asking why
till i find myself at a reason
that feels true

there is always
a reason why
but here is the thing
here is the caveat
and here is where
i think a lot of us get stuck

we get stuck
looking for a why
we get perfectionist
about understanding
we get addicted
to the questioning
and self exploration
so much so
that we take no action
we make up
that unless we understand everything
we cannot move on

we live in a self created paralysis
driven by a need to understand
with the mind
something that may
for now
just need to be felt

i only recently arrived at this conclusion
i have taken entire years
obsessing
only ever really asking
the same question
why
why
why
why

why…
did this breakdown
did this relationship end
don’t they like me

and that has gotten me pretty far
asking why this or that happened
has cultivated
a tremendous amount of self awareness,
but it has also had a significant cost
because i did not know how
to get past
trying understanding why
when it involved another person

i would think to myself
if i cannot get inside their head
how can i ever truly know why

i got trapped in the past
wishing i could redo things
and make it better
but it isn’t the past
i cannot time travel
i can only move forward
and so i started trusting the feeling more
without a ton of over-analyzing

and i found something
i had been looking for
for what feels like forever
i found me

so i hope this is useful to you
if you find yourself overwhelmed
by all that is coming at you

all the
information
inspiration
speculation

i hope you can start to see
how to find yourself
in the sea
of experts
gurus
and thought leaders
spewing their life experience
at you

because as far as i can tell
this is actually how it helps us
by helping us
have something to react to
by encouraging us to
think
and feel

and as long as you are still
thinking and feeling
and yes, breathing

you actually have the power
to do most anything
you set your
mind and heart to

so get mad at me
if you want to
but i am always going to turn it back
on you
to figure out what is true
for you

because
i don’t want followers

i want a world
where consciousness prevails

that is why i do
what i do
because
i want us all
to just wake up
please

❤️emily joy rosen

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