i have been grieving you
since i met you

and i know i should have let go
a long time ago

but i didn’t want to feel
the empty

they say time heals
but in my experience, not always

sometimes all that happens
is we get busy
and foggy

and i confess
i have been in a sort of stupor
one where i made believe
you no longer had a hold on me

but last week
you came crashing in
and i found myself sobbing
how you treated me
and how deeply that impacted me
how even now it eats away at me

because i idolized you
and valued you
so much more than me

and i made everything you did okay
so i could keep a little dignity
so i could ensure you didn’t see
all the splintered, broken,
ugly bits of me

but last tuesday
as i waited almost patiently
for another boy
who promised to show up for me
you crept in
to mock me
yet again

to taunt me cruelly
as you always did
to test me
as you were prone to do regularly

and i almost fell for it
i almost blew things up
just so i didn’t have to feel
how i felt with you
ever again

but something got in
just as i was about to go under
and it was someone
who i know cares for me
someone who came softly
with care and curiosity

and it reminded me
that i have more facility
than i used to have in me
it reminded me yet again
i am not who i used to be
and that now
i am the one haunting me

so i guess it’s gonna have to hurt
i suppose i’m going to have to cry
i reckon i’m going to have to feel
the empty

so this time
you leave me

❤️ emily joy rosen

get emily's poetry collection (for free)

a beautiful, downloadable, keepsake e-book featuring a selection of emily's best-loved poems

your poetry book is on its way!