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i have been trying to forget you since i met you but no matter how hard i try to erase you you get stronger as if me trying to rub you out has you take root deeper in me. sometimes when i look into your eyes i wonder if i crave destruction because i can already see the tears i will cry and how i will fracture when you realize it’s not me… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

i have been trying to forget you
since i met you
but no matter how hard i try
to erase you
you get stronger
as if me trying to rub you out
has you take root deeper in me

sometimes when i look into your eyes
i wonder if i crave destruction
because i can already see the tears i will cry
and how i will fracture
when you realize
it’s not me

with you i remember
what it was like to believe
i remember when words meant something
and forever wasn’t an impossibility
and i find myself wishing i wasn’t me
i find myself wishing i was the girl i used to be
who lived on longing
and tasted truth as lips meet

and then i think,
wait…
what if i’m wrong
i have been wrong before
in fact mostly
and what if this is just terror
because i don’t know how many more times
i can believe
i don’t know how many more times
i can bear to open
and let you take home in me
knowing you can leave
knowing you might leave
because while i do believe love is limitless
and i know i could share all with you
i don’t know if i can bear to be mistaken again
and i don’t want to break again

and so i find myself living in-between
it’s disappointing to see
all the places i let damage become me
but i am no longer ashamed of my scars
they are treasured reminders that i know to heal
they are forever reminders that i was stronger
than what tried to hurt me

and i look back
letting his eyes meet mine again
feeling into how wrong i might be
feeling into the love just below the fear

and i remember what i have always known
i will always let curiosity lead
i will always make room for a love story
i will always feel my heart
and let it guide me
trusting i will eventually find myself
in someone
who loves like me

so someday
i get to tell the story
of how i healed
this part of me
with you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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