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i remember what feels like a thousand new starts i used to love january 1st the most because i always thought it was going to be the freshest of starts. everything was going to change i would become a completely new person… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

i remember
what feels like
a thousand new starts

i used to love january 1st the most
because i always thought
it was going to be the freshest of starts
everything was going to change
i would become
a completely new person

but most importantly
i was going to finally stick to my diet
i was going to finally eat only
my perfectly meagerly portioned amounts of food
work out no less than 3 hours a day
and watch my body
melt away

sad, this obsession
with shrinking

you know what happens when you diet?
you lose yourself
your knowing,
of what to eat
and when
your appetite deregulates
and you learn how
to not listen
to your body consistently

you know what else you lose?
your dignity
the sense of self-respect
all humans deserve
the self-respect to know
that your weight,
your body
and what you look like
have nothing to do
with your worthiness

it has nothing to do
with how lovable you are

as someone who has been
impeccably thin
i can promise you,
it didn’t make me more lovable

that’s a lie you have been sold

you know what it made me…
effing crazy
and i am just now
so many years later
getting back my sanity

so i implore you…
don’t set crazy
impossible
culturally perpetuated
goals this year

take the photoshopped women
off your vision board
and instead
get clear on
what would really make you happy
what will really make your heart sing
and your soul soar

because no matter what you may think,
hating your body
and punishing it
into change
isn’t going to bring more joy
and love your way
it can’t…
the road always and forever
informs the destination

insisting on change
before extending love
is no way to create
a loving anything
and definitely no way
to start out a new year

so maybe instead
you try this on for me,
please…

your body is beautiful
and lovable now

yes now,
just the way it is

it has been supporting you
so passionately
with so many intricacies
pumping life through you
every minute of every day

so perhaps instead
of trying to beat it into submission
one more year

you thank it
you bless it
you feed it
you nourish it
you love it

and you walk away
from all the nonsense
you have always known
deep down inside,
is just not true

this body
the one you are in
has been waiting
for you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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