i used to believe i was cursed
i used to believe
nothing would ever work out for me
at least that was what i thought
when he left me
i thought i had ruined a good thing
that yet again
who i was
had ruined the thing most precious to me

and i remember driving down the road
nearly 8 years ago now
contemplating letting go
i thought the only way i could stop the pain
erase the memories
was to let myself cross over to the other side

i would hit refresh on google
for hours
waiting to see
if there was any more news
about him
i felt perfectly crazy

but here is what is so delightful
here is what i want to tell those of you
who are thinking about driving off the road
who feel that the only way to erase memories
is to end it all

if you work at it
every day
it gets better
way better
it gets brighter
and lighter

and you will get
that you deserve nothing less
than someone saying
“i choose you”

and someday
you will just not care
so much anymore
i can sincerely say
i just don’t care so much anymore
and not in a toxic angry
artificially emphasized way
but in an “i have just genuinely moved on”
kind of way

would my heart skip a beat
if he walked in the room?
sure
absolutely
after all, wouldn’t yours
if you saw
a ghost?

but his approval
no longer means anything to me

so here is what i did
i filled my world with possibilities
i took every opportunity i could
to improve me
and every day when my mind would pull me away
when my fingers would slip to search
for an update about him
i would redirect my attention
and focus with everything
inside of me
on creating a future
without him
and one day
without trying
i lost sight
of him

i only remember him now
when i’m asked what turning point was
because his leaving
was my new beginning

and i can wholeheartedly say…

thank you
you were correct
this time
i was better off
without you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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