it’s excruciating
to feel you still lingering in me
and know that you are so far away

i feel the suffering in every inch of you
as it’s fighting the light that runs through
you so effortlessly

some of us are just born differently
some of us feel everything

and i feel how you got shattered
and even though it wasn’t me
i find myself wanting to say
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
until you believe me
in every part of you

because i know that would leave no room
for all the pain
you insist on holding
in every crevice of you
punishing yourself endlessly
so as not to feel
underneath it all
the unbearable hurt
of your heart not being held
and being turned on
by the one you love

and if i could give one thing to you
it would be the experience of knowing
you’re worthy too
because i get it
you forgot
most of us do

because something gets in
and eats away at you

and like a silent virus
you have no idea it’s happening
until you’re too weak to move

and so we start to believe
we are our suffering
and it shapes us into a person
we were never meant to be

do not let yourself grow cold
do not harden your heart
to protect against hurt

you see it’s already in there,
my dear
and all you are doing
is locking the pain in
so the love
has no chance
to get in

and this becomes
a self fulfilling prophecy
and a story
of how you gave it your all,
time and time again
and no one ever really got you
loved you
held you

and i am here to remind you
to please try again
to trust again, please
because that is the only way
someone can get in
and you can see, finally
that this is just how some
love stories
out of the ashes
of heartbreak
and i should have
done better
and what is wrong
with me

it’s not always clean
and easy
sometimes everything
around us blows up
and it hits us in the gut
and we go down
as our soul gasps for air
and our heart shatters

but nothing once whole
cannot be fixed
and as you breathe life
back into you
and pick up the pieces
of who you used to be

this is my wish for you…

may you grow
may you open,
again and again
may you feel held
and may you be gentle
with this one and only
precious you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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