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oh 2019 you were the worst. and the most. educational of my life for sure. and i am so not over you but i am also no longer under you i am no longer drowning in your confusing disturbing truth shifting crazy making wackiness… | Secret Keepers by Emily Joy Rosen

oh 2019
you were the worst

and the most

educational of my life
for sure

and i am
so not over you
but i am also
no longer under you
i am no longer
drowning in your
confusing disturbing
truth shifting crazy making

i’m finally making
some solid sense of you

so yeah 2020 i am
gonna fresh start
the f*ck out of you
and while i mostly
have no idea what you hold
i know without a doubt
that it will be nothing
resembling 2019

because while
i feel all
kinds of terribly traumatized
i also feel
all kinds of way more wicked smart
and i am ready
ready to be
more honest
more congruent
more rested
more productive
more committed
more discerning

and more kind
yes more kind
to even me emily

oh and you should know
my voice is changing
and if raw and intense isn’t your thing
this would be a good time
to de-friend me/unfollow me

because i am gonna start
sharing more
and i went really dark in 2019
and i think some of what i learned
could help more than a handful of you
so 2020 is going to be about
revealing, exploring, learning,
owning, integrating, forgiving, letting go
and moving, moving on…
yes i am giving myself
this year
to be with this
super shattered heart
extracting every bit of value i can
from the bits of it scattered in me

because this isn’t all new
there is a pattern here
i repeat every so many years
this time by far the most
devastatingly dysfunctionally
and i would like that to stop,
i need to stop
and there is some work
i haven’t done
some many things
i have been avoiding doing
that i managed to brush off
the impact or not really see

and this year
i am gonna do them

so cheers to you 2019
i really hated most days in you
and was wishing you would
just erase yourself from my memories

but i know
that you know
and we know
that isn’t how this works
that avoiding and trying to erase
and just make nice
is at the core
of this sh*t show
i just lived through
that i wish was just a deja vu

so i am a gonna dig in
and share what i am seeing
with you cause while
this is all so very personal
it’s much more common than i realized

so yeah i’m gonna
get messy maybe
honest really
embarrassed probably
awkward always
diligently researched for sure
and crawl, climb, challenge
scribble, scrawl and shimmy
my way through…

yes 2020 i am gonna
work, i am gonna work you
real real good…

what about you?
what you gonna do?

❤️ emily joy rosen

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