so much loss lately

feels like every day
someone i love
loses someone they love

and i cannot seem
to help
but feel
how they feel
in my body

it has me wanting
to do something
to make it different
or better

i often find myself
wishing
i could take away
the pain
of those i love

i am better at making friends
with my own pain
than that of others

i am most uncomfortable
with the suffering of those i love
when it is right in front of me
and i feel helpless
to do anything
but be with them
in what is

death
used to scare me
then tempt me

these days
death feels close
and i relate to it
with a sort of curiosity
that is new for me

this is
the least
i feel
i have ever known
about everything

and in that
i am embracing
misery
as much as i am
the joyful moments
of almost knowing

i feel the urge
to comfort
myself
the way i do my friends
i feel the urge
to try and take
their pain away
with social niceties
and the typical pleasantries
i had others say to me
when friends of mine
and family passed away

but the words
don’t come
because as they begin
to press out of me
dancing over my tongue
i realize i don’t think they are true
not anymore
not for me
not for you

and i am reminded
again
that nothing
we ever really loved
is lost

it lives in us
and it will find us again
if we are only willing
to listen
sincerely

for me
it is often
in that place
between
sleep and waking

you know
the place
where feeling takes over
where you lose track
of trying
to figure out what is true
and you trust
the thing
that as far as i can tell
is what matters most

you trust
the love
that was there
and will always
live in you

because i am almost
definitely certain
that love
true
will always
and forever
live in you

❤️ emily joy rosen

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