the words

now shared millions of times emily’s poems have become treasured reminders that pain can become beauty and our heroic heartbreaks can be the source of our most remarkable revelations… dive in and get your free poetry collection if you like what you read…

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so since we can never really truly for sure know someone’s inner world and we can never truly really know someone’s intent  or where they are coming from attempting to make sense of that. to know if you should leave a relationship that seems similar to what i have been describing might take you a lifetime at least…
so since we can never really truly for sure know someone’s inner world and we can never truly really know someone’s intent or where they are coming from attempting to make sense of that. to know if you should leave a relationship that seems similar to what i have been describing might take you a lifetime at least…

so since we can never really truly for sure know someone's inner world and we can never truly really know someone's intent or where they are coming from attempting to make sense of that to know if you should leave a relationship that seems similar to what i have been...

and what i don’t want to say what i really don’t want to feel what feels so hard now to admit  is i really did give him my heart and i am not sure how to get it back or if she even wants me anymore  i imagine she’s so messed up from being broken and left  so long ago well before i even knew  it’s likely she is so very (understandably) mad at me too…
and what i don’t want to say what i really don’t want to feel what feels so hard now to admit is i really did give him my heart and i am not sure how to get it back or if she even wants me anymore i imagine she’s so messed up from being broken and left so long ago well before i even knew it’s likely she is so very (understandably) mad at me too…

and what i don’t want to say what i really don’t want to feel what feels so hard now to admit is i really did give him my heart and i am not sure how to get it back or if she even wants me anymore i imagine she's so messed up from being broken and left so long ago...

i am codependent i have a sickness in me that comes out in all my relating but most intensely in my romantic relations. and if you know me and we have hung out in person more than a few times you have probably heard me joke about this but it isn’t funny it’s an emotional and behavioral condition that functions like an addiction in me…
i am codependent i have a sickness in me that comes out in all my relating but most intensely in my romantic relations. and if you know me and we have hung out in person more than a few times you have probably heard me joke about this but it isn’t funny it’s an emotional and behavioral condition that functions like an addiction in me…

i am codependent i have a sickness in me that comes out in all my relating but most intensely in my romantic relations and if you know me and we have hung out in person more than a few times you have probably heard me joke about this but it isn’t funny it’s an...

i notice  just so you know i notice who turns away  and who speaks trite pleasantries to me. and i know just so you know i know way more than you think i do because i became paranoid so have been collecting data points of misdeeds diligently  as a strategy for sanity seeking…
i notice just so you know i notice who turns away and who speaks trite pleasantries to me. and i know just so you know i know way more than you think i do because i became paranoid so have been collecting data points of misdeeds diligently as a strategy for sanity seeking…

i notice just so you know i notice who turns away and who speaks trite pleasantries to me and i know just so you know i know way more than you think i do because i became paranoid so have been collecting data points of misdeeds diligently as a strategy for sanity...

this is such a hard one for me. i tend to be super self berating…
this is such a hard one for me. i tend to be super self berating…

this is such a hard one for me. i tend to be super self berating… if i am not careful my internal dialogue can easily become a list of all my failings, especially when it comes to things others seemed to see easily that i didn't see at all. especially when things...

i recently received some pretty harsh criticism for how i handled a  situation. i had talked out how to navigate what was a very complex  dynamic with my therapist, as there was a long history of the person i  had to set a boundary with not taking such things well…
i recently received some pretty harsh criticism for how i handled a situation. i had talked out how to navigate what was a very complex dynamic with my therapist, as there was a long history of the person i had to set a boundary with not taking such things well…

i recently received some pretty harsh criticism for how i handled a situation. i had talked out how to navigate what was a very complex dynamic with my therapist, as there was a long history of the person i had to set a boundary with not taking such things well. the...

sitting in the psychiatrist’s office  quivering, i couldn’t get my hands to stop trembling  my right shoulder to stop twitching  my legs bouncing, always bouncing  up and down and up and down, faster and faster  as i tried to get the words out  stuttering now..
sitting in the psychiatrist’s office quivering, i couldn’t get my hands to stop trembling my right shoulder to stop twitching my legs bouncing, always bouncing up and down and up and down, faster and faster as i tried to get the words out stuttering now..

sitting in the psychiatrist’s office quivering, i couldn’t get my hands to stop trembling my right shoulder to stop twitching my legs bouncing, always bouncing up and down and up and down, faster and faster as i tried to get the words out stuttering now.. something...

i haven’t been able to write hardly at all for a while now because there are things i am afraid to share. i read once somewhere  if you have writer’s block  it is because you are not writing  the thing you are meant to be writing the things you are actually most yearning to say…
i haven’t been able to write hardly at all for a while now because there are things i am afraid to share. i read once somewhere if you have writer’s block it is because you are not writing the thing you are meant to be writing the things you are actually most yearning to say…

i haven’t been able to write hardly at all for a while now because there are things i am afraid to share i read once somewhere if you have writer’s block it is because you are not writing the thing you are meant to be writing the things you are actually most yearning...

i was in the shower at a quarter before midnight  i am one of the few i know who hates baths. i found out yesterday i am going to have to go back in for ankle surgery the screws are rubbing things so my ankle aches always and swells to double it’s size randomly…
i was in the shower at a quarter before midnight i am one of the few i know who hates baths. i found out yesterday i am going to have to go back in for ankle surgery the screws are rubbing things so my ankle aches always and swells to double it’s size randomly…

i was in the shower at a quarter before midnight i am one of the few i know who hates baths i found out yesterday i am going to have to go back in for ankle surgery the screws are rubbing things so my ankle aches always and swells to double it’s size randomly i...

sometimes we do the harder things and there is no one there to give us a round of applause. because people get busy and decide what matters to them. and sometimes it’s you and many a time it’s not. and while this may feel cruel it’s simply what is true…
sometimes we do the harder things and there is no one there to give us a round of applause. because people get busy and decide what matters to them. and sometimes it’s you and many a time it’s not. and while this may feel cruel it’s simply what is true…

sometimes we do the harder things and there is no one there to give us a round of applause because people get busy and decide what matters to them and sometimes it’s you and many a time it’s not and while this may feel cruel it’s simply what is true and from what i...

i am a suspicious person i find it distinctly hard to trust  and am really good at finding evidence that people are not trustworthy,  hypervigilant to the extreme  with an affinity for details  and a rainman-like memory.  i catch inconsistencies easily  and use them to keep my distance even from those close to me…
i am a suspicious person i find it distinctly hard to trust and am really good at finding evidence that people are not trustworthy, hypervigilant to the extreme with an affinity for details and a rainman-like memory. i catch inconsistencies easily and use them to keep my distance even from those close to me…

i am a suspicious person i find it distinctly hard to trust and am really good at finding evidence that people are not trustworthy hypervigilant to the extreme with an affinity for details and a rainman-like memory i catch inconsistencies easily and use them to keep...

i have more than once given my heart to men who didn’t want it. i have more than once  felt the sting of rejection as my desperation  met cold. and still  i wouldn’t change the ensuing horrors i lived from hurling my heart…
i have more than once given my heart to men who didn’t want it. i have more than once felt the sting of rejection as my desperation met cold. and still i wouldn’t change the ensuing horrors i lived from hurling my heart…

i have more than once given my heart to men who didn’t want it i have more than once felt the sting of rejection as my desperation met cold and still i wouldn’t change the ensuing horrors i lived from hurling my heart at doors closed because i am proud of who i became...

he took something from you didn’t he? a thing you couldn’t get back and you made that mean something about you… so much so it got confusing as who you used to be became a memory you weren’t so sure you were remembering accurately…
he took something from you didn’t he? a thing you couldn’t get back and you made that mean something about you… so much so it got confusing as who you used to be became a memory you weren’t so sure you were remembering accurately…

he tooksomething from youdidn’t he?a thing you couldn’t get backand you made that mean somethingabout you…so much soit got confusingas who you used to bebecame a memoryyou weren’t so sureyou were rememberingaccurately and youyou understandably turnedyou turned on...

just know your heart will break. he will choose her and they will leave betrayal will happen. she will die and you will have to learn not only how to recover, but grieve. which, I know, no one ever taught you. but often you will be asked to do things you have no idea how to do…
just know your heart will break. he will choose her and they will leave betrayal will happen. she will die and you will have to learn not only how to recover, but grieve. which, I know, no one ever taught you. but often you will be asked to do things you have no idea how to do…

just know your heart will break he will choose her and they will leave betrayal will happen she will die and you will have to learn not only how to recover but grieve which i know no one ever taught you but often you will be asked to do things you have no idea how to...

she was almost a suicide. a girl drunk on lies sold to her by those she thought cared for her. she paid for their adoration in years off her tomorrows, as she starved the life from her very bones. painting her cheeks pink and gold to hide the fact she was running low on breath and blood…
she was almost a suicide. a girl drunk on lies sold to her by those she thought cared for her. she paid for their adoration in years off her tomorrows, as she starved the life from her very bones. painting her cheeks pink and gold to hide the fact she was running low on breath and blood…

she was almost a suicide a girl drunk on lies sold to her by those she thought cared for her she paid for their adoration in years off her tomorrows as she starved the life from her very bones painting her cheeks pink and gold to hide the fact she was running low on...

i so wish you could have come with me (on this part of the journey). i remember watching the door close (so slow). it was like i had stepped into a reality where there was no time. and you, you turned back and looked at me like you already missed me (opening places i didn’t know i had in me)…
i so wish you could have come with me (on this part of the journey). i remember watching the door close (so slow). it was like i had stepped into a reality where there was no time. and you, you turned back and looked at me like you already missed me (opening places i didn’t know i had in me)…

i so wish you could have come with me on this part of the journey i remember watching the door close so slow it was like i had stepped into a reality where there was no time and you you turned back and looked at me like you already missed me (opening places i didn’t...

trauma got hit again, but this time i stayed in as me. this 35 year old, emily i didn’t become the little girl. the one who starts scrambling posturing people pleasing pleading. i felt her, i remembered her, and i told her to stay put that i had grown up things to do…
trauma got hit again, but this time i stayed in as me. this 35 year old, emily i didn’t become the little girl. the one who starts scrambling posturing people pleasing pleading. i felt her, i remembered her, and i told her to stay put that i had grown up things to do…

trauma got hit again but this time i stayed in as me this 35 year old emily i didn’t become the little girl the one who starts scrambling posturing people pleasing pleading i felt her i remembered her and I told her to stay put that I had grown up things to do and oh...

come back stronger (always and forever insist on coming back stronger). this is my commitment (to myself). this is the promise i made (so very many years ago). this is the vow i made when i was worried (truly concerned). i was not going to be okay (that i was not going to be able to make it through)…
come back stronger (always and forever insist on coming back stronger). this is my commitment (to myself). this is the promise i made (so very many years ago). this is the vow i made when i was worried (truly concerned). i was not going to be okay (that i was not going to be able to make it through)…

come back stronger (always and forever insist on coming back stronger or at the very least smarter, wiser…) this is my commitment (to myself) this is the promise i made (so very many years ago) this is the vow i made when i was worried (truly concerned) i was not...

oh touch how you terrify me. and girls with trauma become women with intimacy “issues” while the love we always wanted lies just fingertips away. but we know we are gonna have to do what feels like the impossible (we are going to have to choose to trust again), if we want to have the thing we most want…
oh touch how you terrify me. and girls with trauma become women with intimacy “issues” while the love we always wanted lies just fingertips away. but we know we are gonna have to do what feels like the impossible (we are going to have to choose to trust again), if we want to have the thing we most want…

oh touch how you terrify me and girls with trauma become women with intimacy “issues” while the love we always wanted lies just fingertips away but we know we are gonna have to do what feels like the impossible (we are going to have to choose to trust again) if we...

sometimes when things get bad real bad we can forget the good because we have to because remembering how enraptured and hopeful we used to be is just too painful in contrast to the reality of what is here now. so if i am honest with myself…
sometimes when things get bad real bad we can forget the good because we have to because remembering how enraptured and hopeful we used to be is just too painful in contrast to the reality of what is here now. so if i am honest with myself…

sometimes when things get bad real bad we can forget the good because we have to because remembering how enraptured and hopeful we used to be is just too painful in contrast to the reality of what is here now so if i am honest with myself i wanted to forget because...

i want to tell you that it gets better, always. and that someday your life will look as you dare to dream. he will choose you. she will be a forever friend. your health will be strong and steady. your mind sharp and flexible money will flow easily as you create value in the way most true to you. and home will be wherever you are…
i want to tell you that it gets better, always. and that someday your life will look as you dare to dream. he will choose you. she will be a forever friend. your health will be strong and steady. your mind sharp and flexible money will flow easily as you create value in the way most true to you. and home will be wherever you are…

i want to tell you that it gets better always and that someday your life will look as you dare to dream he will choose you she will be a forever friend your health will be strong and steady your mind sharp and flexible money will flow easily as you create value in the...

one time i saw something i didn’t understand and for the first time that i can remember i didn’t have words. but i did know my belly hurt  my knees went weak my heart fast my palms sweaty my mind blank  my neck stiff  my jaw clenched…
one time i saw something i didn’t understand and for the first time that i can remember i didn’t have words. but i did know my belly hurt my knees went weak my heart fast my palms sweaty my mind blank my neck stiff my jaw clenched…

one time i saw something i didn’t understand and for the first time that i can remember i didn’t have words but i did know my belly hurt my knees went weak my heart fast my palms sweaty my mind blank my neck stiff my jaw clenched my body knew something wasn’t right...

maybe you spare me i am intense (and a lot) i know. and i can assure you i don’t need you to remind me of my alotness and its too muchness (for you). maybe instead you just let me be (me) and maybe you go find your person somewhere else (outside of me)…
maybe you spare me i am intense (and a lot) i know. and i can assure you i don’t need you to remind me of my alotness and its too muchness (for you). maybe instead you just let me be (me) and maybe you go find your person somewhere else (outside of me)…

maybe you spare me i am intense (and a lot) i know and i can assure you i don’t need you to remind me of my alotness and its too muchness (for you) maybe instead you just let me be (me) and maybe you go find your person somewhere else (outside of me) because i am...

i am going to meet you in that tender forgotten place. you know, the one you let go cold you remember what they taught us, right? “where attention goes, energy flows”. you haven’t put your attention there in oh so long…
i am going to meet you in that tender forgotten place. you know, the one you let go cold you remember what they taught us, right? “where attention goes, energy flows”. you haven’t put your attention there in oh so long…

i am going to meet you in that tender forgotten place you know, the one you let go cold you remember what they taught us, right? “where attention goes, energy flows” you haven’t put your attention there in oh so long so let me take you in my hands taste your tears and...

it’s time. i have to leave now. i must run again and anyone   who knows me knows i hate   to run, walking even fast  is more for me, more my speed.   after all i have bad knees  from extreme hyper mobility   constantly extending   twisting myself  into a pretzel, contorting for the applause for the love conditional …
it’s time. i have to leave now. i must run again and anyone who knows me knows i hate to run, walking even fast is more for me, more my speed. after all i have bad knees from extreme hyper mobility constantly extending twisting myself into a pretzel, contorting for the applause for the love conditional …

it’s time i have to leave now i must run again and anyone who knows me knows i hate to run walking even fast is more for me more my speed after all i have bad knees from extreme hyper mobility constantly extending twisting myself into a pretzel, contorting for the...

and the moon came looking for me, peering through the darkness. reminding me it only looks so bright because  the sky filled with the richest indigo blue. reminding me  that light always appears brighter in contrast to the blackness. that insists on creeping in covering everything…
and the moon came looking for me, peering through the darkness. reminding me it only looks so bright because the sky filled with the richest indigo blue. reminding me that light always appears brighter in contrast to the blackness. that insists on creeping in covering everything…

and the moon came looking for me peering through the darkness reminding me it only looks so bright because the sky filled with the richest indigo blue reminding me that light always appears brighter in contrast to the blackness that insists on creeping in covering...

happiness came looking for me piercing through the grayness i felt so consumed with (i didn’t know it wasn’t me). but she, happy she insisted on peeking through in a 7 year old girl with faraway eyes and the most piercing warrior princess energy wrapping herself around me and melting into me…
happiness came looking for me piercing through the grayness i felt so consumed with (i didn’t know it wasn’t me). but she, happy she insisted on peeking through in a 7 year old girl with faraway eyes and the most piercing warrior princess energy wrapping herself around me and melting into me…

happiness came looking for me piercing through the grayness i felt so consumed with (i didn’t know it wasn’t me) but she, happy she insisted on peeking through in a 7 year old girl with faraway eyes and the most piercing warrior princess energy wrapping herself around...

so i found my second heart. a woman showed it to me… she showed it to me with a mirror and eyes so bright and sparkly and warm and celebratory i couldn’t help but feel how she was looking at this nearly forgotten part of me a part i had decided a long while ago was dangerous and dirty unknown as it should be…
so i found my second heart. a woman showed it to me… she showed it to me with a mirror and eyes so bright and sparkly and warm and celebratory i couldn’t help but feel how she was looking at this nearly forgotten part of me a part i had decided a long while ago was dangerous and dirty unknown as it should be…

so i found my second heart a woman showed it to me she showed it to me with a mirror and eyes so bright and sparkly and warm and celebratory i couldn’t help but feel how she was looking at this nearly forgotten part of me a part i had decided a long while ago was...

fear visits me frequently. i used to wish for a life without fear but i now know wishing not to feel something tends to be wish wasting and i'm mostly definitely pretty sure that the desires i have the wants i am wanting will require me to face fear again and then again…
fear visits me frequently. i used to wish for a life without fear but i now know wishing not to feel something tends to be wish wasting and i'm mostly definitely pretty sure that the desires i have the wants i am wanting will require me to face fear again and then again…

fear visits me frequently i used to wish for a life without fear but i now know wishing not to feel something tends to be wish wasting and i’m mostly definitely pretty sure that the desires i have the wants i am wanting will require me to face fear again and then...

it seems to me that we often ask for advice when what we really want is permission. permission to let go, to start over, to choose something different, i know i have. more than once i have found myself asking for guidance when what i really want is permission…
it seems to me that we often ask for advice when what we really want is permission. permission to let go, to start over, to choose something different, i know i have. more than once i have found myself asking for guidance when what i really want is permission…

it seems to me that we often ask for advice when what we really want is permission permission to let go to start over to choose something different i know i have more than once i have found myself asking for guidance when what i really want is permission permission to...

one of the things i am most blessed with is astute aware friends who ask great questions yes, i have friends who help me see, know myself more, grow and be better. a while back i was seeking advice for a dynamic in my not so romantic romantic relationship at the time…
one of the things i am most blessed with is astute aware friends who ask great questions yes, i have friends who help me see, know myself more, grow and be better. a while back i was seeking advice for a dynamic in my not so romantic romantic relationship at the time…

i am sorry you got so hurt i am sorry i did too but mostly i am sorry that people can be so cruel and i know how that can make the lights go out trust me, i see i know it intimately we just handled the dimming differently though it seems we both arrived here you know,...

i am sorry you got so hurt. i am sorry i did too. but mostly i am sorry that people can be so cruel. and i know how that can make the lights go out. trust me, i see i know it intimately we just handled the dimming differently though it seems we both arrived here you know, in the land of “never again…”
i am sorry you got so hurt. i am sorry i did too. but mostly i am sorry that people can be so cruel. and i know how that can make the lights go out. trust me, i see i know it intimately we just handled the dimming differently though it seems we both arrived here you know, in the land of “never again…”

i am sorry you got so hurt i am sorry i did too but mostly i am sorry that people can be so cruel and i know how that can make the lights go out trust me, i see i know it intimately we just handled the dimming differently though it seems we both arrived here you know,...

all of us have stories we tell ourselves. for some of us it’s a story of glory for others of us it’s one riddled with lies “you’re not good enough” “you’re not lovable” you know the words that can make a spirit die…
all of us have stories we tell ourselves. for some of us it’s a story of glory for others of us it’s one riddled with lies “you’re not good enough” “you’re not lovable” you know the words that can make a spirit die…

all of us have stories we tell ourselves for some of us it’s a story of glory for others of us it’s one riddled with lies “you’re not good enough” “you’re not lovable” you know the words that can make a spirit die to be frank i didn’t know i was sick sometimes a good...

chaos, i have always hated it. i have always felt it. i have always created it in many ways. my disorders were an attempt to manage perceived chaos for years. i felt like i was just trying to manage, regulate, and obliterate all the chaos around and in me…
chaos, i have always hated it. i have always felt it. i have always created it in many ways. my disorders were an attempt to manage perceived chaos for years. i felt like i was just trying to manage, regulate, and obliterate all the chaos around and in me…

chaos i have always hated it i have always felt it i have always created it in many ways my disorders were an attempt to manage perceived chaos for years i felt like i was just trying to manage, regulate and obliterate all the chaos around and in me and to be frank,...

oh rawness i appreciate rawness so very much.  it’s fascinating to me,  that somehow  somewhere along the way most of us get the notion that it’s safer to hide our hearts (and mask our soul). it inherently creates disconnection and as far as i can tell, the thing people are most starving for is just that: connection…
oh rawness i appreciate rawness so very much. it’s fascinating to me, that somehow somewhere along the way most of us get the notion that it’s safer to hide our hearts (and mask our soul). it inherently creates disconnection and as far as i can tell, the thing people are most starving for is just that: connection…

oh rawness i appreciate rawness so very much it’s fascinating to me that somehow somewhere along the way most of us get the notion that it’s safer to hide our hearts (and mask our soul) it inherently creates disconnection and as far as i can tell the thing people are...

overall i was like living in a nightmare for him. it was just bad and he was sad so sad. and angry that it was bad because he knows good. and she (she like me) was hungry so starving for that which she didn’t have she forgot to be aware and appreciative of what she did have, what was good…
overall i was like living in a nightmare for him. it was just bad and he was sad so sad. and angry that it was bad because he knows good. and she (she like me) was hungry so starving for that which she didn’t have she forgot to be aware and appreciative of what she did have, what was good…

overall i was like living in a nightmare for him it was just bad and he was sad so sad and angry that it was bad because he knows good and she (she like me) was hungry so starving for that which she didn’t have she forgot to be aware and appreciative of what she did...

i do not want this, i think (to myself) often. resistance is a theme in my life. i really don’t like accepting what i don’t want to be true. and i am seeing (with more clarity than ever) how often i choose illusion over true shared reality…
i do not want this, i think (to myself) often. resistance is a theme in my life. i really don’t like accepting what i don’t want to be true. and i am seeing (with more clarity than ever) how often i choose illusion over true shared reality…

i do not want this, i think (to myself) often resistance is a theme in my life i really don’t like accepting what i don’t want to be true and i am seeing (with more clarity than ever) how often i choose illusion over true shared reality i tend to let feeling speak to...

you know when you know you are making a poor choice based on what you know to be good but you also know for some reason you need to do the thing you shouldn’t do… well yeah, me, that is a lot of what i have been doing and still am and i am not so sure i should be i just know i want to…
you know when you know you are making a poor choice based on what you know to be good but you also know for some reason you need to do the thing you shouldn’t do… well yeah, me, that is a lot of what i have been doing and still am and i am not so sure i should be i just know i want to…

you know when you know you are making a poor choice based on what you know to be good but you also know for some reason you need to do the thing you shouldn’t do well yeah, me, that is a lot of what i have been doing and still am and i am not so sure i should be i...

i got better at goodbyes in 2018 dare i say even goodish at letting go. like most everything i learned this the harder way, because i had to pain can be a great motivator and in my case i finally got how often it’s the holding on that hurts the most, bringing out the desperate in me the less than sane version of me who grasps for straws of what used to be…
i got better at goodbyes in 2018 dare i say even goodish at letting go. like most everything i learned this the harder way, because i had to pain can be a great motivator and in my case i finally got how often it’s the holding on that hurts the most, bringing out the desperate in me the less than sane version of me who grasps for straws of what used to be…

i got better at goodbyes in 2018 dare i say even goodish at letting go like most everything i learned this the harder way, because i had to pain can be a great motivator and in my case i finally got how often it’s the holding on that hurts the most, bringing out the...

i spend a lot of time in fantasy… a land without mediocrity. i am pretty sure that what messes us up the most is what we have been told is supposed to be, what we have been told it's going to look like. this growing old slowly is what we call living. how disturbingly fascinating that living and dying are the same thing…
i spend a lot of time in fantasy… a land without mediocrity. i am pretty sure that what messes us up the most is what we have been told is supposed to be, what we have been told it's going to look like. this growing old slowly is what we call living. how disturbingly fascinating that living and dying are the same thing…

i spend a lot of time in fantasy a land without mediocrity i am pretty sure that what messes us up the most is what we have been told is supposed to be what we have been told it's going to look like this growing old slowly is what we call living how disturbingly...

the man i married bought me this coat. he bought it for me a few days after christmas. it was the most expensive coat i had ever owned and i loved it so much i never wore it. this is often true for me, i have at least a few dozen pieces of clothing i loved so much i never wore them…
the man i married bought me this coat. he bought it for me a few days after christmas. it was the most expensive coat i had ever owned and i loved it so much i never wore it. this is often true for me, i have at least a few dozen pieces of clothing i loved so much i never wore them…

the man i married bought me this coat he bought it for me a few days after christmas it was the most expensive coat I had ever owned and i loved it so much i never wore it this is often true for me, i have at least a few dozen pieces of clothing i loved so much i...

the fight is over, love, the fight, it’s over.  i quit, you quit? we quit, (please) for there has been no winning  of this war ever (not for you  and me). they say absence makes the heart grow fonder  but i think i was just plain  obsessed with you …
the fight is over, love, the fight, it’s over. i quit, you quit? we quit, (please) for there has been no winning of this war ever (not for you and me). they say absence makes the heart grow fonder but i think i was just plain obsessed with you …

the fight is over love the fight it’s over I quit you quit? we quit (please) For there has been no winning of this war ever (not for you and me) they say absence makes the heart grow fonder but I think I was just plain obsessed with you (I didn’t get fonder, but I did...

sometimes it stings more than i care to let you know.  and i hide in strangers  pretending oh that, that was nothing, knowing full well  i am lying, again, as i used to.  because loving someone  who doesn’t love you is just undeniably grueling…
sometimes it stings more than i care to let you know. and i hide in strangers pretending oh that, that was nothing, knowing full well i am lying, again, as i used to. because loving someone who doesn’t love you is just undeniably grueling…

sometimes it stings more than i care to let you know and i hide in strangers pretending oh that, that was nothing knowing full well i am lying again as i used to because loving someone who doesn’t love you is just undeniably grueling i was walking quickly now and i...

and then death came. a familiar forever friend urging me to lay my head upon the floor, so i didn’t have so far to fall as she whispered to me, “oh sweetie tomorrow is no more”. and i found myself missing someone i never really knew…
and then death came. a familiar forever friend urging me to lay my head upon the floor, so i didn’t have so far to fall as she whispered to me, “oh sweetie tomorrow is no more”. and i found myself missing someone i never really knew…

and then death came a familiar forever friend urging me to lay my head upon the floor so I didn’t have so far to fall as she whispered to me “oh sweetie tomorrow is no more” and I found myself missing someone I never really knew and I found myself crying at the...

and all the smiles came from the inside. “you aren’t really happy”, she leaned over and whispered tucking my hair behind my ear to make sure i could hear. “listen,” i said, with a smug knowing, making it clear i didn’t much care to hear her opinion about how i am living loving, breathing, feeling…
and all the smiles came from the inside. “you aren’t really happy”, she leaned over and whispered tucking my hair behind my ear to make sure i could hear. “listen,” i said, with a smug knowing, making it clear i didn’t much care to hear her opinion about how i am living loving, breathing, feeling…

and all the smiles came from the inside “you aren’t really happy” she leaned over and whispered tucking my hair behind my ear to make sure I could hear “listen,” I said with a smug knowing making it clear I didn’t much care to hear her opinion about how I am living...

i tend to work hard, a lot harder than it seems. most realize poetry and photo shoots are such a very small part of my world. i am an operator. mostly making art, sharing here and engaging is less than 1/20th of my day. done mostly in the wee hours of the morning. mostly when those i adore are fast asleep and darkness is the friend that brings such sweet quiet to me i write…
i tend to work hard, a lot harder than it seems. most realize poetry and photo shoots are such a very small part of my world. i am an operator. mostly making art, sharing here and engaging is less than 1/20th of my day. done mostly in the wee hours of the morning. mostly when those i adore are fast asleep and darkness is the friend that brings such sweet quiet to me i write…

i tend to work hard a lot harder than it seems most realize poetry and photo shoots are such a very small part of my world i am an operator mostly making art, sharing here and engaging is less than 1/20th of my day done mostly in the wee hours of the morning mostly...

he tasted like sweat and broken dreams, always salty and a little bitter. i always fall so hard, i screamed at the night as it turned to light. why me, what is it about me that has me so completely obsessed, so wildly possessed. i am never gonna let go i realize as he tells me he is done with me…
he tasted like sweat and broken dreams, always salty and a little bitter. i always fall so hard, i screamed at the night as it turned to light. why me, what is it about me that has me so completely obsessed, so wildly possessed. i am never gonna let go i realize as he tells me he is done with me…

he tasted like sweat and broken dreams always salty and a little bitter i always fall so hard i screamed at the night as it turned to light why me, what is it about me that has me so completely obsessed so wildly possessed i am never gonna let go i realize as he tells...

you are not where you are, nor are you where you have been. and you will not be where you are going. which is not to say that none of this matters, it just might not matter so much. from what i can tell, it mostly depends on what you make it mean, which means it just might be as good as imagining…
you are not where you are, nor are you where you have been. and you will not be where you are going. which is not to say that none of this matters, it just might not matter so much. from what i can tell, it mostly depends on what you make it mean, which means it just might be as good as imagining…

you are not where you are nor are you where you have been and you will not be where you are going which is not to say that none of this matters it just might not matter so much from what i can tell it mostly depends on what you make it mean which means it just might...

and so we went under and learned how to swim (better and better). i learned how to hold my breath longer and make more space inside me (with you). i learned how to hold everything i needed to survive in me so that as the water began to rise, i could still breathe and remember the good…
and so we went under and learned how to swim (better and better). i learned how to hold my breath longer and make more space inside me (with you). i learned how to hold everything i needed to survive in me so that as the water began to rise, i could still breathe and remember the good…

and so we went under and learned how to swim (better and better) i learned how to hold my breath longer and make more space inside me (with you) i learned how to hold everything i needed to survive in me so that as the water began to rise i could still breathe and...

i spent most of my life wanting to fit in, wanting to be most normal desperately, wanting to be accepted by everybody. being homeschooled, not much exposed to the norms i didn’t know how very different my upbringing was, how very different i was until i went to high school at 15…
i spent most of my life wanting to fit in, wanting to be most normal desperately, wanting to be accepted by everybody. being homeschooled, not much exposed to the norms i didn’t know how very different my upbringing was, how very different i was until i went to high school at 15…

i spent most of my life wanting to fit in wanting to be most normal desperately wanting to be accepted by everybody being homeschooled, not much exposed to the norms i didn’t know how very different my upbringing was how very different i was until i went to high...

sensitivity is a gift (not a curse). and while at times it might mean you feel pain (and more of it). sometimes pain is simply the most appropriate response. we’re taught to avoid discomfort (at all cost) instead of how to be with it…
sensitivity is a gift (not a curse). and while at times it might mean you feel pain (and more of it). sometimes pain is simply the most appropriate response. we’re taught to avoid discomfort (at all cost) instead of how to be with it…

sensitivity is a gift (not a curse) and while at times it might mean you feel pain (and more of it) sometimes pain is simply the most appropriate response we’re taught to avoid discomfort (at all cost) instead of how to be with it we're taught vulnerability is...

by far one of hardest things for me to do is forgive myself for the places i feel i went dark in the past (the places where i lost it, freaked, attacked, lied to or hurt another). as we grow and change, it can be painful to look at how we have shown up in the past…
by far one of hardest things for me to do is forgive myself for the places i feel i went dark in the past (the places where i lost it, freaked, attacked, lied to or hurt another). as we grow and change, it can be painful to look at how we have shown up in the past…

by far one of hardest things for me to do is forgive myself for the places i feel i went dark in the past (the places where i lost it, freaked, attacked, lied to or hurt another) as we grow and change, it can be painful to look at how we have shown up in the past i...

i think one of the most dangerous phrases  i hear people say all the time is  “that’s just how it is” especially when it comes to self. “that’s just how i am” is the quickest way i know to keep transformation at bay  because from there there is no place to go …
i think one of the most dangerous phrases i hear people say all the time is “that’s just how it is” especially when it comes to self. “that’s just how i am” is the quickest way i know to keep transformation at bay because from there there is no place to go …

i think one of the most dangerous phrases i hear people say all the time is "that's just how it is" especially when it comes to self "that's just how i am" is the quickest way i know to keep transformation at bay because from there there is no place to go it kills...

and she, she welcomed me   with such tender truthful trepidation. it was like seeing (re-meeting), a lover  so many years later. the love remembered and still present, but different and far away, yet so real. and almost available (if we just for a moment  let it be…) if we just for an instant  stopped pretending…
and she, she welcomed me with such tender truthful trepidation. it was like seeing (re-meeting), a lover so many years later. the love remembered and still present, but different and far away, yet so real. and almost available (if we just for a moment let it be…) if we just for an instant stopped pretending…

and she she welcomed me with such tender truthful trepidation it was like seeing (re-meeting) a lover so many years later the love remembered and still present, but different and far away, yet so real and almost available (if we just for a moment let it be…) if we...

“you’ve got diamonds in your eyes. you fancy  yourself, fancy don’t you? well, you, you are not better than the rest of us.  i’ll have you know, you are no better. and i see all the ways you are trying, so desperately to impress those around you…
“you’ve got diamonds in your eyes. you fancy yourself, fancy don’t you? well, you, you are not better than the rest of us. i’ll have you know, you are no better. and i see all the ways you are trying, so desperately to impress those around you…

“you've got diamonds in your eyes you fancy yourself fancy don't you? well, you you are not better than the rest of us i'll have you know you are no better and i see all the ways you are trying so desperately to impress those around you are buying approval at the cost...

and sometimes love takes a sharp left and you find yourself  feeling crazy because what you thought you knew to be true isn’t true anymore. and no one is naming it. no one is willing to say :hey you  i don’t love you like i used to”…
and sometimes love takes a sharp left and you find yourself feeling crazy because what you thought you knew to be true isn’t true anymore. and no one is naming it. no one is willing to say :hey you i don’t love you like i used to”…

and sometimes love takes a sharp left and you find yourself feeling crazy because what you thought you knew to be true isn't true anymore and no one is naming it no one is willing to say "hey you i don't love you like i used to" because those words always mark the...

tell me about your heart…  usually that question feels contrived to me a way to create intimacy immediately, almost too easily. and i have learned to distrust those who find words easy because without follow through words lose meaning. and there isn’t much more confusing than words no longer meaning  what they were intended to…
tell me about your heart… usually that question feels contrived to me a way to create intimacy immediately, almost too easily. and i have learned to distrust those who find words easy because without follow through words lose meaning. and there isn’t much more confusing than words no longer meaning what they were intended to…

tell me about your heart… usually that question feels contrived to me a way to create intimacy immediately, almost too easily and i have learned to distrust those who find words easy because without follow through words lose meaning and there isn’t much more confusing...

i had a very hard loss (this year). hard because it was permanent hard because i really wanted it. hard because it depleted my body.  hard because i didn’t know how to process it. hard because it broke my heart.  hard because i was angry at myself. hard because i felt ashamed. hard because i wondered if i could have done better. hard because it hurt. hard because i was traumatized and didn’t know it till the lights started to flicker it became hard to hear…
i had a very hard loss (this year). hard because it was permanent hard because i really wanted it. hard because it depleted my body. hard because i didn’t know how to process it. hard because it broke my heart. hard because i was angry at myself. hard because i felt ashamed. hard because i wondered if i could have done better. hard because it hurt. hard because i was traumatized and didn’t know it till the lights started to flicker it became hard to hear…

i had a very hard loss (this year) hard because it was permanent hard because i really wanted it hard because it depleted my body hard because i didn’t know how to process it hard because it broke my heart hard because i was angry at myself hard because i felt ashamed...

the other day i was at dinner   with the boys and one of them said “why, with these spiritual chicks does it, it always have to be that we are so afraid of intimacy  when we run from them?  what if the truth is  we just didn’t want them?”…
the other day i was at dinner with the boys and one of them said “why, with these spiritual chicks does it, it always have to be that we are so afraid of intimacy when we run from them? what if the truth is we just didn’t want them?”…

the other day i was at dinner with the boys and one of them said “why with these spiritual chicks does it it always have to be that we are so afraid of intimacy when we run from them? what if the truth is we just didn’t want them?” the other man grinned a knowing...

“a little dramatic don’t you think” he smirked at me. “oh yes me i am dripping in drama darling” i mocked  almost playfully. truth was i was offended and bored. and if i had been more committed to honesty the disdain i felt would have been unmistakable…
“a little dramatic don’t you think” he smirked at me. “oh yes me i am dripping in drama darling” i mocked almost playfully. truth was i was offended and bored. and if i had been more committed to honesty the disdain i felt would have been unmistakable…

“a little dramatic don’t you think” he smirked at me “oh yes me i am dripping in drama darling” i mocked almost playfully truth was i was offended and bored and if i had been more committed to honesty the disdain i felt would have been unmistakable yes, i am dramatic...

my world is getting smaller   and i don't mind. the slivers of yesterdays that pierce through my shades  in yet another strange hotel room.   remind me where i came from and i giggle knowing   that me ten years ago would have never believed this would be my reality…
my world is getting smaller and i don't mind. the slivers of yesterdays that pierce through my shades in yet another strange hotel room. remind me where i came from and i giggle knowing that me ten years ago would have never believed this would be my reality…

my world is getting smaller and i don't mind the slivers of yesterdays that pierce through my shades in yet another strange hotel room remind me where i came from and i giggle knowing that me ten years ago would have never believed this would be my reality i can't...

i could love you with abandon i thought as he turned away. i felt myself leave to go after him but i stood tall and retrieved myself  with a deep breath in. i cannot tell you  how embarrassingly i have lost myself in the bodies of others i often merge on meeting…
i could love you with abandon i thought as he turned away. i felt myself leave to go after him but i stood tall and retrieved myself with a deep breath in. i cannot tell you how embarrassingly i have lost myself in the bodies of others i often merge on meeting…

i could love you with abandon i thought as he turned away i felt myself leave to go after him but i stood tall and retrieved myself with a deep breath in i cannot tell you how embarrassingly i have lost myself in the bodies of others i often merge on meeting i used to...

some relationship are not forever ones and some are forever ones but they just change form. i have been going through a form change. i know that it isn’t over it’s just changing  and yes, knowing that is comforting, but it doesn’t necessarily make it easy…
some relationship are not forever ones and some are forever ones but they just change form. i have been going through a form change. i know that it isn’t over it’s just changing and yes, knowing that is comforting, but it doesn’t necessarily make it easy…

some relationships are not forever ones and some are forever ones but they just change form i have been going through a form change i know that it isn’t over it’s just changing and yes, knowing that is comforting, but it doesn't necessarily make it easy because...

his hands on my body felt like summer rain. and i remember that time when i was only 7 spinning in the field near my home as the sky fell over me i was gleeful and so incredibly carefree as the raindrops kissed me playfully. i often find myself wishing to go back and talk to her…
his hands on my body felt like summer rain. and i remember that time when i was only 7 spinning in the field near my home as the sky fell over me i was gleeful and so incredibly carefree as the raindrops kissed me playfully. i often find myself wishing to go back and talk to her…

his hands on my body felt like summer rain and i remember that time when i was only 7 spinning in the field near my home as the sky fell over me i was gleeful and so incredibly carefree as the raindrops kissed me playfully i often find myself wishing to go back and...

i felt him unexpectedly. it wasn’t what i wanted or so i thought, but as soon as i let him in my whole body melted effortlessly. and i remembered what it felt like to be seen on the inside. we spend a lot of time   dancing around intimacy i admit, i did. i know the ways we say the things  that sound vulnerable only to create separation internally, because we know   what we are saying isn’t truly true …
i felt him unexpectedly. it wasn’t what i wanted or so i thought, but as soon as i let him in my whole body melted effortlessly. and i remembered what it felt like to be seen on the inside. we spend a lot of time dancing around intimacy i admit, i did. i know the ways we say the things that sound vulnerable only to create separation internally, because we know what we are saying isn’t truly true …

i felt him unexpectedly it wasn't what i wanted or so i thought but as soon as i let him in my whole body melted effortlessly and i remembered what it felt like to be seen on the inside we spend a lot of time dancing around intimacy i admit, i did i know the ways we...

when i was a little girl i never wanted to be put down, just ask my mom. i know she was quite surprised by just how needy i was. it seems i have always doubted people’s love for me in the in-between. i think this is why i like speed and intensity because it leaves little room for questioning and when i can question my mind can torture me …
when i was a little girl i never wanted to be put down, just ask my mom. i know she was quite surprised by just how needy i was. it seems i have always doubted people’s love for me in the in-between. i think this is why i like speed and intensity because it leaves little room for questioning and when i can question my mind can torture me …

when i was a little girl i never wanted to be put down just ask my mom i know she was quite surprised by just how needy i was it seems… i have always doubted people's love for me in the in-between i think this is why i like speed and intensity because it leaves little...

in college i was in love with a boy. for two years it was a torturous kind of longing because he didn’t know. i never said anything to him, well, i never said anything that indicated what was true. it was consuming at times, literally paralyzing. sometimes he would walk into a room i was in and i couldn’t even look at him. the intensity of feeling in my body  painfully enlivening…
in college i was in love with a boy. for two years it was a torturous kind of longing because he didn’t know. i never said anything to him, well, i never said anything that indicated what was true. it was consuming at times, literally paralyzing. sometimes he would walk into a room i was in and i couldn’t even look at him. the intensity of feeling in my body painfully enlivening…

in college i was in love with a boy for two years it was a torturous kind of longing because he didn't know i never said anything to him well, i never said anything that indicated what was true it was consuming at times literally paralyzing sometimes he would walk...

yesterday was hard. i had a falling out with someone very dear to me and i hit hopeless quickly which always has me go under. because when i don’t know  what to do, i panic. and when i panic i tend to shut down rapidly without any thinking, at least that i am aware of till i am so far gone, it is hard even for me  to reach me…
yesterday was hard. i had a falling out with someone very dear to me and i hit hopeless quickly which always has me go under. because when i don’t know what to do, i panic. and when i panic i tend to shut down rapidly without any thinking, at least that i am aware of till i am so far gone, it is hard even for me to reach me…

yesterday was hard i had a falling out with someone very dear to me and i hit hopeless quickly which always has me go under because when i don’t know what to do i panic and when i panic i tend to shut down rapidly without any thinking at least that i am aware of till...

sometimes you know it’s over and you keep going. you keep pretending  that the sinking feeling in your belly is just poor digestion but mostly you know it’s truth eating away at you from the inside. begging for attention at the very core of you till you remember   your body speaks to you. it’s speaking again to me  and i don’t want to listen. i want to ignore reality   and make unrealistic plan in my diary. this one hurts   i think standing in the airplane bathroom looking at my wrinkles in the dim yellow lighting…
sometimes you know it’s over and you keep going. you keep pretending that the sinking feeling in your belly is just poor digestion but mostly you know it’s truth eating away at you from the inside. begging for attention at the very core of you till you remember your body speaks to you. it’s speaking again to me and i don’t want to listen. i want to ignore reality and make unrealistic plan in my diary. this one hurts i think standing in the airplane bathroom looking at my wrinkles in the dim yellow lighting…

sometimes you know it's over and you keep going you keep pretending that the sinking feeling in your belly is just poor digestion but mostly you know it's truth eating away at you from the inside begging for attention at the very core of you till you remember your...

i have been dumped. i used to think that was the most embarrassing thing to admit. i mean, really, it’s so intense when someone you love doesn’t want to be with you. and then to not only be rejected but to have other people know he didn’t choose me was just the most excruciating feeling to me for all of my   twenties …
i have been dumped. i used to think that was the most embarrassing thing to admit. i mean, really, it’s so intense when someone you love doesn’t want to be with you. and then to not only be rejected but to have other people know he didn’t choose me was just the most excruciating feeling to me for all of my twenties …

i have been dumped i used to think that was the most embarrassing thing to admit i mean, really it's so intense when someone you love doesn't want to be with you and then to not only be rejected but to have other people know he didn't choose me was just the most...

and some men turn dreams into ghosts and you find yourself face down making love to your pillow  hoping tears will come or anything that feels like a release because you saw it coming. and you knew all too soon but kept hoping, kept clinging to who he said he would be. because girls like me love stories mostly and we want to believe that dreams come true and people are who they say they are. so we   choose pain on repeat because we get attached to what they said they’d do because we get hooked on fantasy and fairytales that we never knew the ending to…
and some men turn dreams into ghosts and you find yourself face down making love to your pillow hoping tears will come or anything that feels like a release because you saw it coming. and you knew all too soon but kept hoping, kept clinging to who he said he would be. because girls like me love stories mostly and we want to believe that dreams come true and people are who they say they are. so we choose pain on repeat because we get attached to what they said they’d do because we get hooked on fantasy and fairytales that we never knew the ending to…

and some men turn dreams into ghosts and you find yourself face down making love to your pillow hoping tears will come or anything that feels like a release because you saw it coming and you knew all too soon but kept hoping kept clinging to who he said he would be...

it was december and had been half a year since i had seen him. i circled my home knowing he would be late. i didn’t want him to know i was eager and early   again. it’s how we did it always, half truths and games were the foundation of chemistry so consuming when near him i could barely feel my legs. i was so high on his disinterest mixed with just enough penetrating sweetness i was certain it was   worth even my last scraps of dignity …
it was december and had been half a year since i had seen him. i circled my home knowing he would be late. i didn’t want him to know i was eager and early again. it’s how we did it always, half truths and games were the foundation of chemistry so consuming when near him i could barely feel my legs. i was so high on his disinterest mixed with just enough penetrating sweetness i was certain it was worth even my last scraps of dignity …

it was december and had been half a year since i had seen him i circled my home knowing he would be late i didn't want him to know i was eager and early again it's how we did it always half truths and games were the foundation of chemistry so consuming when near him i...

i wish i could fill my mouth with sunlight and let you drink from my lips till you felt the light in you. i wish i knew how to apologize for all the ways they beat the feeling out of you and told you your tenderness was weak. i saw it happening and here is the worst part   i agreed. i was a girl who thought men should be  a certain way to express masculinity and i have been guilty even recently of making remarks that mock men’s feelings…
i wish i could fill my mouth with sunlight and let you drink from my lips till you felt the light in you. i wish i knew how to apologize for all the ways they beat the feeling out of you and told you your tenderness was weak. i saw it happening and here is the worst part i agreed. i was a girl who thought men should be a certain way to express masculinity and i have been guilty even recently of making remarks that mock men’s feelings…

i wish i could fill my mouth with sunlight and let you drink from my lips till you felt the light in you i wish i knew how to apologize for all the ways they beat the feeling out of you and told you your tenderness was weak i saw it happening and here is the worst...

once i loved a girl so very much i thought my heart might burst she was everything i am not and at first i was jealous of her. she seemed like the carefree girl  i so wanted to be  she had traveled the world had so many boyfriends laughed easily and literally drew people in just by being her she simply sparkled. it was not uncommon for me to sulk in the corner of the dining room watching her surrounded by people lit up by how she spun stories so playfully she was beautiful and bright funny and charismatic she could move her body to just about any beat and to me she was everything i wished i could be…
once i loved a girl so very much i thought my heart might burst she was everything i am not and at first i was jealous of her. she seemed like the carefree girl i so wanted to be she had traveled the world had so many boyfriends laughed easily and literally drew people in just by being her she simply sparkled. it was not uncommon for me to sulk in the corner of the dining room watching her surrounded by people lit up by how she spun stories so playfully she was beautiful and bright funny and charismatic she could move her body to just about any beat and to me she was everything i wished i could be…

once i loved a girl so very much i thought my heart might burst she was everything i am not and at first i was jealous of her she seemed like the carefree girl i so wanted to be she had traveled the world had so many boyfriends laughed easily and literally drew people...

yesterday i got a message from someone who told me they were raped at 7 and a woman who found out her husband had another family. i got a message from a girl who said her brother had touched her for 14 years and a mother who confessed she had beaten her daughter regularly when she was just a baby. tuesday i woke up to a photo of someone’s severely undernourished body asking me if she had to eat today and my instagram inbox was flooded   with excruciating pictures of sliced up arms and inner thighs and pleas dripping in agony  and unanswerable questions like “why me, i can’t stop hurting”…
yesterday i got a message from someone who told me they were raped at 7 and a woman who found out her husband had another family. i got a message from a girl who said her brother had touched her for 14 years and a mother who confessed she had beaten her daughter regularly when she was just a baby. tuesday i woke up to a photo of someone’s severely undernourished body asking me if she had to eat today and my instagram inbox was flooded with excruciating pictures of sliced up arms and inner thighs and pleas dripping in agony and unanswerable questions like “why me, i can’t stop hurting”…

yesterday i got a message from someone who told me they were raped at 7 and a woman who found out her husband had another family i got a message from a girl who said her brother had touched her for 14 years and a mother who confessed she had beaten her daughter...

it’s excruciating to feel you still lingering in me and know that you are so far away. i feel the suffering in every inch of you as it’s fighting the light that runs through you so effortlessly. some of us are just born differently some of us feel everything. and i feel how you got shattered and even though it wasn’t me i find myself wanting to say i’m sorry, i’m sorry,  i’m sorry, until you believe me in every part of you…
it’s excruciating to feel you still lingering in me and know that you are so far away. i feel the suffering in every inch of you as it’s fighting the light that runs through you so effortlessly. some of us are just born differently some of us feel everything. and i feel how you got shattered and even though it wasn’t me i find myself wanting to say i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, until you believe me in every part of you…

it's excruciating to feel you still lingering in me and know that you are so far away i feel the suffering in every inch of you as it's fighting the light that runs through you so effortlessly some of us are just born differently some of us feel everything and i feel...

there is something that happens when you choose to let the light in. and forgive me i know this may sound trite but i have been really experimenting with this as a practice rather than a thing to say. so here is what i do at night i place one hand on my lower belly and the other on my heart and i breathe into my hands in and out, in and out till i can feel my hands rising as my body fills …
there is something that happens when you choose to let the light in. and forgive me i know this may sound trite but i have been really experimenting with this as a practice rather than a thing to say. so here is what i do at night i place one hand on my lower belly and the other on my heart and i breathe into my hands in and out, in and out till i can feel my hands rising as my body fills …

there is something that happens when you choose to let the light in and forgive me i know this may sound trite but i have been really experimenting with this as a practice rather than a thing to say so here is what i do at night i place one hand on my lower belly and...

and we grow young, he said looking longingly at the horizon line as the sun slipped beneath the trees  leaving us in darkness accompanied by a cool tender   breeze. i looked up just as the sky began falling and clouds crept over the sparkling sea of galaxies . sometime i get to live postcards and i just wish i could have all those i love with me always so they never have to miss a thing…
and we grow young, he said looking longingly at the horizon line as the sun slipped beneath the trees leaving us in darkness accompanied by a cool tender breeze. i looked up just as the sky began falling and clouds crept over the sparkling sea of galaxies . sometime i get to live postcards and i just wish i could have all those i love with me always so they never have to miss a thing…

and we grow young, he said looking longingly at the horizon line as the sun slipped beneath the trees leaving us in darkness accompanied by a cool tender breeze i looked up just as the sky began falling and clouds crept over the sparkling sea of galaxies sometime i...

i have been grieving you since i met you. and i know i should have let go a long time ago. but i didn’t want to feel the empty. they say time heals but in my experience, not always . sometimes all that happens   is we get busy and foggy. and i confess i have been in a sort of stupor one where i made believe you no longer had a hold on me…
i have been grieving you since i met you. and i know i should have let go a long time ago. but i didn’t want to feel the empty. they say time heals but in my experience, not always . sometimes all that happens is we get busy and foggy. and i confess i have been in a sort of stupor one where i made believe you no longer had a hold on me…

i have been grieving you since i met you and i know i should have let go a long time ago but i didn't want to feel the empty they say time heals but in my experience, not always sometimes all that happens is we get busy and foggy and i confess i have been in a sort of...

i have been trying to forget you since i met you but no matter how hard i try to erase you you get stronger as if me trying to rub you out has you take root deeper in me. sometimes when i look into your eyes i wonder if i crave destruction because i can already see the tears i will cry and how i will fracture   when you realize it’s not me…
i have been trying to forget you since i met you but no matter how hard i try to erase you you get stronger as if me trying to rub you out has you take root deeper in me. sometimes when i look into your eyes i wonder if i crave destruction because i can already see the tears i will cry and how i will fracture when you realize it’s not me…

i have been trying to forget you since i met you but no matter how hard i try to erase you you get stronger as if me trying to rub you out has you take root deeper in me sometimes when i look into your eyes i wonder if i crave destruction because i can already see the...

i wish all the women loved on each other more. and if i want something, i have to do that something that is just how the universe works from what i can tell. in my twenties i decided i didn’t trust women the pain entered me at 17  when in high school my best girlfriend decided to stop speaking to me…
i wish all the women loved on each other more. and if i want something, i have to do that something that is just how the universe works from what i can tell. in my twenties i decided i didn’t trust women the pain entered me at 17 when in high school my best girlfriend decided to stop speaking to me…

i wish all the women loved on each other more and if i want something, i have to do that something that is just how the universe works from what i can tell in my twenties i decided i didn’t trust women the pain entered me at 17 when in high school my best girlfriend...

he chose her 2 weeks after i made the biggest commitment of my young adult life, he chose her. i remember knowing something was different. i felt it in every part of me but i didn’t know to trust what i felt quite the contrary i imagined myself crazy…
he chose her 2 weeks after i made the biggest commitment of my young adult life, he chose her. i remember knowing something was different. i felt it in every part of me but i didn’t know to trust what i felt quite the contrary i imagined myself crazy…

he chose her 2 weeks after i made the biggest commitment of my young adult life he chose her i remember knowing something was different i felt it in every part of me but i didn't know to trust what i felt quite the contrary i imagined myself crazy i remember watching...

beliefs drive behavior what we believe will determine the choices we make. most of what i see in the health, wellness and personal development space is people trying to drive behavior with behavior. if this is the game you are playing you’re not getting it. trying to get someone to do something by telling them to do something else is insanity…
beliefs drive behavior what we believe will determine the choices we make. most of what i see in the health, wellness and personal development space is people trying to drive behavior with behavior. if this is the game you are playing you’re not getting it. trying to get someone to do something by telling them to do something else is insanity…

beliefs drive behavior what we believe will determine the choices we make most of what i see in the health, wellness and personal development space is people trying to drive behavior with behavior if this is the game you are playing you’re not getting it trying to get...

the old me would hate the new me and sometimes   when i think about this i cringe. because i don’t want to abandon my former self and yet i know i have to honor the transformational process and acknowledge i’ve changed. i am literally no longer   who i used to be and if i tried to act in the ways i used to it feels disingenuous and painful like trying to make a relationship you know is over work   because of how it used to be …
the old me would hate the new me and sometimes when i think about this i cringe. because i don’t want to abandon my former self and yet i know i have to honor the transformational process and acknowledge i’ve changed. i am literally no longer who i used to be and if i tried to act in the ways i used to it feels disingenuous and painful like trying to make a relationship you know is over work because of how it used to be …

the old me would hate the new me and sometimes when i think about this i cringe because i don't want to abandon my former self and yet i know i have to honor the transformational process and acknowledge i've changed i am literally no longer who i used to be and if i...

for doors closing and opening that is what i am most grateful for today. yes for doors and windows shut  and thrown wide, finally unbolted for pages turning, novels ending for fresh starts and detours that require path-making for roads less taken. and worlds less traveled for hard choices, easy knowings and endless surprising opportunities…
for doors closing and opening that is what i am most grateful for today. yes for doors and windows shut and thrown wide, finally unbolted for pages turning, novels ending for fresh starts and detours that require path-making for roads less taken. and worlds less traveled for hard choices, easy knowings and endless surprising opportunities…

for doors closing and opening that is what i am most grateful for today yes for doors and windows shut and thrown wide, finally unbolted for pages turning, novels ending for fresh starts and detours that require path-making for roads less taken and worlds less...

“i don’t want to be with someone who splatters their pain across the internet” he said, smirking. “and i don’t want to be with someone who could never get me” i said, turning to leave letting myself feel his disapproval echo in my body letting it hit my heart  but not take home in me…
“i don’t want to be with someone who splatters their pain across the internet” he said, smirking. “and i don’t want to be with someone who could never get me” i said, turning to leave letting myself feel his disapproval echo in my body letting it hit my heart but not take home in me…

“i don't want to be with someone who splatters their pain across the internet” he said, smirking “and i don't want to be with someone who could never get me” i said, turning to leave letting myself feel his disapproval echo in my body letting it hit my heart but not...

“and i could love you in a thousand different ways   but not today”. i took my bruised heart out for a walk and let the sting of rejection sink into me until it turned into story and swiftly i found myself bathing my heart in worry am i too much? did i come on too strong? did i seem too needy? or weak…
“and i could love you in a thousand different ways but not today”. i took my bruised heart out for a walk and let the sting of rejection sink into me until it turned into story and swiftly i found myself bathing my heart in worry am i too much? did i come on too strong? did i seem too needy? or weak…

"and i could love you in a thousand different ways but not today" i took my bruised heart out for a walk and let the sting of rejection sink into me until it turned into story and swiftly i found myself bathing my heart in worry am i too much? did i come on too...

i find murder on a grand scale hard to comprehend   when i hear numbers from wars of people lost i literally cannot feel it because it is just too much to take in. i remember going down to nyc after 9/11 my dad was volunteering his time to adjust the firefighters and other rescue teams and i wasn’t allowed to go in with him so i spent my day wandering nyc…
i find murder on a grand scale hard to comprehend when i hear numbers from wars of people lost i literally cannot feel it because it is just too much to take in. i remember going down to nyc after 9/11 my dad was volunteering his time to adjust the firefighters and other rescue teams and i wasn’t allowed to go in with him so i spent my day wandering nyc…

i find murder on a grand scale hard to comprehend when i hear numbers from wars of people lost i literally cannot feel it because it is just too much to take in i remember going down to nyc after 9/11 my dad was volunteering his time to adjust the firefighters and...

i am not the woman you want me to be i find your unspoken agenda boring  you think i don’t see through you  really? how can you flatter and insult me simultaneously? you think my half articulated smile  is for you and that i am flirting with you but really, it’s because i can already feel your memories  inside of me…
i am not the woman you want me to be i find your unspoken agenda boring you think i don’t see through you really? how can you flatter and insult me simultaneously? you think my half articulated smile is for you and that i am flirting with you but really, it’s because i can already feel your memories inside of me…

i am not the woman you want me to be i find your unspoken agenda boring you think i don't see through you really? how can you flatter and insult me simultaneously? you think my half articulated smile is for you and that i am flirting with you but really, it's because...

i wish i had more love stories i wish i had given more  i wish i had played in the ways the other girls played  i was an observer mostly i suppose that is why i prefer writing and sharing online it’s a match for how i experience reality. sometimes in the light the brightness of a room i cannot see you i only see fragmented memories and feel you coming at me…
i wish i had more love stories i wish i had given more i wish i had played in the ways the other girls played i was an observer mostly i suppose that is why i prefer writing and sharing online it’s a match for how i experience reality. sometimes in the light the brightness of a room i cannot see you i only see fragmented memories and feel you coming at me…

i wish i had more love stories i wish i had given more i wish i had played in the ways the other girls played i was an observer mostly i suppose that is why i prefer writing and sharing online it’s a match for how i experience reality sometimes in the light the...

when trust is broke. i remember sitting next to her  the day she found out he’d been having an affair for months. i remember feeling her heart break in my body and i breathed her agony into me. i remember flipping through a phone realizing those words were texted to someone, not me, and realizing slowly he’d been lying to me…
when trust is broke. i remember sitting next to her the day she found out he’d been having an affair for months. i remember feeling her heart break in my body and i breathed her agony into me. i remember flipping through a phone realizing those words were texted to someone, not me, and realizing slowly he’d been lying to me…

when trust is broken… i remember sitting next to her the day she found out he'd been having an affair for months i remember feeling her heart break in my body and i breathed her agony into me i remember flipping through a phone realizing those words were texted to...

he threw money at her splintered heart and she drank dollar bills like suvs guzzle gasoline. when she came in beaming he would shatter her glee with whispered insultings. she wondered where she went  each morning as she looked in the mirror…
he threw money at her splintered heart and she drank dollar bills like suvs guzzle gasoline. when she came in beaming he would shatter her glee with whispered insultings. she wondered where she went each morning as she looked in the mirror…

he threw money at her splintered heart and she drank dollar bills like suvs guzzle gasoline when she came in beaming he would shatter her glee with whispered insultings she wondered where she went each morning as she looked in the mirror it’s that sinking feels so...

recovery. i remember a woman i admired years ago saying, she didn’t believe we ever truly recovered. i felt my heart sinking each time she hit me with her certainty. i wondered what that meant for me and i let my picture of my imagined future get so blurry i could not longer see who wanted to be.  i resented her for how she unintentionally stripped possibility from my fragile psyche…
recovery. i remember a woman i admired years ago saying, she didn’t believe we ever truly recovered. i felt my heart sinking each time she hit me with her certainty. i wondered what that meant for me and i let my picture of my imagined future get so blurry i could not longer see who wanted to be. i resented her for how she unintentionally stripped possibility from my fragile psyche…

recovery i remember a woman i admired years ago saying, she didn't believe we ever truly recovered i felt my heart sinking each time she hit me with her certainty i wondered what that meant for me and i let my picture of my imagined future get so blurry i could not...

i’ve burnt a lot of bridges and i have built a lot of castles i used to be perfectly terrified of what people would think of me i used to let others’ preferences  shape the decisions that created my reality. i was a prisoner to what others believed about me but something has changed i got angry  frankly outraged  and i just don’t care so much anymore if they do or do not approve of me…
i’ve burnt a lot of bridges and i have built a lot of castles i used to be perfectly terrified of what people would think of me i used to let others’ preferences shape the decisions that created my reality. i was a prisoner to what others believed about me but something has changed i got angry frankly outraged and i just don’t care so much anymore if they do or do not approve of me…

i've burnt a lot of bridges and i have built a lot of castles i used to be perfectly terrified of what people would think of me i used to let others’ preferences shape the decisions that created my reality i was a prisoner to what others believed about me but...

there is so much we don’t want to talk about here or anywhere someone taught us to stay quiet to fear our voice and our power. it is learned behavior to not share what is real it is learned behavior to dance around truths  so we are taught shame   to feel ashamed for things we did not do  to take responsibility for scenarios we did not create  a short skirt is not an invitation for rape  a smile is not misleading  too much alcohol is not an excuse…
there is so much we don’t want to talk about here or anywhere someone taught us to stay quiet to fear our voice and our power. it is learned behavior to not share what is real it is learned behavior to dance around truths so we are taught shame to feel ashamed for things we did not do to take responsibility for scenarios we did not create a short skirt is not an invitation for rape a smile is not misleading too much alcohol is not an excuse…

there is so much we don’t want to talk about here or anywhere someone taught us to stay quiet to fear our voice and our power it is learned behavior to not share what is real it is learned behavior to dance around truths so we are taught shame to feel ashamed for...

here is the funny thing about flying high. you have further to fall and the fall that might have felt like going over a bump on a dirt road instead feels like someone crushed your soul. there are some things that get in deeper than others.  for me it is misunderstandings dramatically different interpretations of truth. i admit i can find it confusing, hurtful and just plain frustrating at times…
here is the funny thing about flying high. you have further to fall and the fall that might have felt like going over a bump on a dirt road instead feels like someone crushed your soul. there are some things that get in deeper than others. for me it is misunderstandings dramatically different interpretations of truth. i admit i can find it confusing, hurtful and just plain frustrating at times…

here is the funny thing about flying high you have further to fall and the fall that might have felt like going over a bump on a dirt road instead feels like someone crushed your soul there are some things that get in deeper than others for me it is misunderstandings...

i am so sorry for how i have hurt you for all the ways i check out, got tough, and cold  sometimes i see you as i close my eyes  alone in your room, looking at the remnants of my presence. i was always a messy one  leaving a trail wherever i went. i am sorry for my carelessness i was reckless with your heart. there are many things i am proud of this is not one of them  i suppose in ways i have been overcompensating for a lifetime but i promise i didn’t know…
i am so sorry for how i have hurt you for all the ways i check out, got tough, and cold sometimes i see you as i close my eyes alone in your room, looking at the remnants of my presence. i was always a messy one leaving a trail wherever i went. i am sorry for my carelessness i was reckless with your heart. there are many things i am proud of this is not one of them i suppose in ways i have been overcompensating for a lifetime but i promise i didn’t know…

i am so sorry for how i have hurt you for all the ways i check out got tough and cold sometimes i see you as i close my eyes alone in your room, looking at the remnants of my presence i was always a messy one leaving a trail wherever i went i am sorry for my...

because  the future is (finally) looking brighter. because the past is (after  all) starting to make sense. because the present is (at last) bringing  delight often. because i like the way my hair looks here. because a  doctor once told me my profile was unflattering, definitely not pretty  and he could fix it for me…
because the future is (finally) looking brighter. because the past is (after all) starting to make sense. because the present is (at last) bringing delight often. because i like the way my hair looks here. because a doctor once told me my profile was unflattering, definitely not pretty and he could fix it for me…

because the future is (finally) looking brighter. because the past is (after all) starting to make sense. because the present is (at last) bringing delight often. because i like the way my hair looks here. because a doctor once told me my profile was unflattering,...

my plate is very full these days, in some really new and breathtaking ways. my life is changing, my world (as i knew it) dissolving (slowly) and i think i am (actually) okay. in moments happy (truly) and quite pleased (definitely appreciative). i’m even letting myself get excited recently. i took some pretty hard falls this year. most everything i thought would happen for me, didn’t. and i could not be further from where i imagined i would be (which normally i would consider a failure, a waste) but…
my plate is very full these days, in some really new and breathtaking ways. my life is changing, my world (as i knew it) dissolving (slowly) and i think i am (actually) okay. in moments happy (truly) and quite pleased (definitely appreciative). i’m even letting myself get excited recently. i took some pretty hard falls this year. most everything i thought would happen for me, didn’t. and i could not be further from where i imagined i would be (which normally i would consider a failure, a waste) but…

my plate is very full these days, in some really new and breathtaking ways. my life is changing, my world (as i knew it) dissolving (slowly) and i think i am (actually) okay. in moments happy (truly) and quite pleased (definitely appreciative). i'm even letting myself...

please do not mistake my vulnerability for weakness.  recently, i was talking to one of my best friends who like me, chooses to share a lot of her inner world publicly. she felt misunderstood when people kept offering her pity when she shared about what was challenging or hard for her…
please do not mistake my vulnerability for weakness. recently, i was talking to one of my best friends who like me, chooses to share a lot of her inner world publicly. she felt misunderstood when people kept offering her pity when she shared about what was challenging or hard for her…

please do not mistake my vulnerability for weakness. recently, i was talking to one of my best friends who like me, chooses to share a lot of her inner world publicly. she felt misunderstood when people kept offering her pity when she shared about what was challenging...

like those who no longer want to lie  to themselves. yes, that. yes, this. i have been doing  some of the work  i didn’t know was there to do. looking under and around and through  at all the things i didn’t even know to see  (things that have been running me)…
like those who no longer want to lie to themselves. yes, that. yes, this. i have been doing some of the work i didn’t know was there to do. looking under and around and through at all the things i didn’t even know to see (things that have been running me)…

like those who no longer want to lie to themselves yes, that. yes, this. i have been doing some of the work i didn't know was there to do looking under and around and through at all the things i didn't even know to see (things that have been running me) it’s been...

i remember how he tasted pungent and ashy i was a bit of a purest i wanted to be in love before i kissed. the thing was i was so afraid of intimacy, always dodging closeness that day never came it wasn’t till i was 18 that i kissed a boy…
i remember how he tasted pungent and ashy i was a bit of a purest i wanted to be in love before i kissed. the thing was i was so afraid of intimacy, always dodging closeness that day never came it wasn’t till i was 18 that i kissed a boy…

i remember how he tasted pungent and ashy i was a bit of a purest i wanted to be in love before i kissed the thing was i was so afraid of intimacy, always dodging closeness that day never came it wasn't till i was 18 that i kissed a boy i was in college a freshman, he...

the last time i saw my husband i was driving him to the train station just 30 minutes from our home. hurried so as not to be late for work i remember   the feeling in my chest, as if my heart was being crushed quite literally the agony so real…
the last time i saw my husband i was driving him to the train station just 30 minutes from our home. hurried so as not to be late for work i remember the feeling in my chest, as if my heart was being crushed quite literally the agony so real…

the last time i saw my husband i was driving him to the train station just 30 minutes from our home hurried so as not to be late for work i remember the feeling in my chest, as if my heart was being crushed quite literally the agony so real the silence as we sped down...

on my wedding day, i did not eat  not drop of solid food touched my lips it wasn’t only because i wanted to look thin  it was also because at that point, my digestive system was so destroyed by my eating disorder that any solid foods required hours to recover from i had my hair done at the salon that day for me…
on my wedding day, i did not eat not drop of solid food touched my lips it wasn’t only because i wanted to look thin it was also because at that point, my digestive system was so destroyed by my eating disorder that any solid foods required hours to recover from i had my hair done at the salon that day for me…

on my wedding day, i did not eat not drop of solid food touched my lips it wasn't only because i wanted to look thin it was also because at that point, my digestive system was so destroyed by my eating disorder that any solid foods required hours to recover from i had...

do you know what it’s like to be a woman and have your body groped without your permission. because i can tell you statistically 1 in 5 women do and not just groped   they have been r____. so think of the 5 women closest to you and imagine one of them   being penetrated against her will…
do you know what it’s like to be a woman and have your body groped without your permission. because i can tell you statistically 1 in 5 women do and not just groped they have been r____. so think of the 5 women closest to you and imagine one of them being penetrated against her will…

do you know what it’s like to be a woman and have your body groped without your permission because i can tell you statistically 1 in 5 women do and not just groped they have been r____ so think of the 5 women closest to you and imagine one of them being penetrated...

i find murder on a grand scale hard to comprehend   when i hear numbers from wars of people lost i literally cannot feel it because it is just too much to take in. i remember going down to nyc after 9/11 my dad was volunteering his time to adjust the firefighters and other rescue teams and i wasn’t allowed to go in with him so i spent my day wandering nyc…
i find murder on a grand scale hard to comprehend when i hear numbers from wars of people lost i literally cannot feel it because it is just too much to take in. i remember going down to nyc after 9/11 my dad was volunteering his time to adjust the firefighters and other rescue teams and i wasn’t allowed to go in with him so i spent my day wandering nyc…

i find murder on a grand scale hard to comprehend when i hear numbers from wars of people lost i literally cannot feel it because it is just too much to take in i remember going down to nyc after 9/11 my dad was volunteering his time to adjust the firefighters and...

i remember him sometimes as i drift off and find my breath he was my black out boy. i drifted into his life  as he blasted into mine a ghost already. i remember his fingers sticky and cold drifting down my backside  as he whispered slurred words. i remember checking out. i remember choosing to leave all dignity all dreams as he shattered my simple reality…
i remember him sometimes as i drift off and find my breath he was my black out boy. i drifted into his life as he blasted into mine a ghost already. i remember his fingers sticky and cold drifting down my backside as he whispered slurred words. i remember checking out. i remember choosing to leave all dignity all dreams as he shattered my simple reality…

i remember him sometimes as i drift off and find my breath he was my black out boy i drifted into his life as he blasted into mine a ghost already i remember his fingers sticky and cold drifting down my backside as he whispered slurred words i remember checking out i...

and i said, what if the end was the beginning and he looked at me  already so far away i knew i had lost my friend. we braced against life together our questions once sweet curiosity became the grueling language of our tortured psyches. he was committed to dying a little each day …
and i said, what if the end was the beginning and he looked at me already so far away i knew i had lost my friend. we braced against life together our questions once sweet curiosity became the grueling language of our tortured psyches. he was committed to dying a little each day …

and i said, what if the end was the beginning and he looked at me already so far away i knew i had lost my friend we braced against life together our questions once sweet curiosity became the grueling language of our tortured psyches he was committed to dying a little...

he tasted sticky sweet like the stories they fed me in those “harmless” disney movies i watched his hands endlessly finding comfort in their imagined strength thinking if i could just keep track of where he was going i wouldn’t feel so lost anymore his fingers found my face and traced my simile lines playfully his touch always made my insides quiver…
he tasted sticky sweet like the stories they fed me in those “harmless” disney movies i watched his hands endlessly finding comfort in their imagined strength thinking if i could just keep track of where he was going i wouldn’t feel so lost anymore his fingers found my face and traced my simile lines playfully his touch always made my insides quiver…

he tasted sticky sweet like the stories they fed me in those “harmless” disney movies i watched his hands endlessly finding comfort in their imagined strength thinking if i could just keep track of where he was going i wouldn’t feel so lost anymore his fingers found...

have you ever watched someone fall out of love with you? watch the sparkle fade and the annoyance set in  there is nothing anyone can ever tell or teach you to prepare you for that moment, the moment your spirit tender and bright touches nothing but cold…
have you ever watched someone fall out of love with you? watch the sparkle fade and the annoyance set in there is nothing anyone can ever tell or teach you to prepare you for that moment, the moment your spirit tender and bright touches nothing but cold…

have you ever watched someone fall out of love with you? watch the sparkle fade and the annoyance set in there is nothing anyone can ever tell or teach you to prepare you for that moment the moment your spirit tender and bright touches nothing but cold i remember when...

can you feel it, i whispered  yes, he said  don’t go please, i said, not yet  okay, he said. and we sat there knowing it would never be the same  you know when you have been so close to someone that more is said in the unspoken  than in the constant chatter  we had that  but…
can you feel it, i whispered yes, he said don’t go please, i said, not yet okay, he said. and we sat there knowing it would never be the same you know when you have been so close to someone that more is said in the unspoken than in the constant chatter we had that but…

can you feel it, i whispered yes, he said don’t go please, i said, not yet okay, he said and we sat there knowing it would never be the same you know when you have been so close to someone that more is said in the unspoken than in the constant chatter we had that but...

i used to believe i was cursed i used to believe nothing would ever work out for me, at least that was what i thought when he left me. i thought i had ruined a good thing. that yet again who i was had ruined the thing most precious to me…
i used to believe i was cursed i used to believe nothing would ever work out for me, at least that was what i thought when he left me. i thought i had ruined a good thing. that yet again who i was had ruined the thing most precious to me…

i used to believe i was cursed i used to believe nothing would ever work out for me at least that was what i thought when he left me i thought i had ruined a good thing that yet again who i was had ruined the thing most precious to me and i remember driving down the...

there was a place we met everyday during that summer. i remember climbing breathless to meet you. it was always better in anticipation  but i must be honest this has nothing to do with you. i was using you, in my defense i didn’t know it…
there was a place we met everyday during that summer. i remember climbing breathless to meet you. it was always better in anticipation but i must be honest this has nothing to do with you. i was using you, in my defense i didn’t know it…

there was a place we met everyday during that summer i remember climbing breathless to meet you it was always better in anticipation but i must be honest this has nothing to do with you i was using you in my defense i didn’t know it i wasn’t clear this was how i dealt...

for a lot of my twenties i walked around with a story that “no one gets me” i found myself lonely and resentful. i took every sideways glance and eye roll personally and continued to build my case for why this world was a cold and pointless place i did little talking  a lot of judging…
for a lot of my twenties i walked around with a story that “no one gets me” i found myself lonely and resentful. i took every sideways glance and eye roll personally and continued to build my case for why this world was a cold and pointless place i did little talking a lot of judging…

for a lot of my twenties i walked around with a story that "no one gets me" i found myself lonely and resentful i took every sideways glance and eye roll personally and continued to build my case for why this world was a cold and pointless place i did little talking a...

i am going to meet you in that tender forgotten place you know, the one you let go cold you remember what they taught us, right?  “where attention goes, energy flows” you haven’t put your attention there in oh so long let me take you in my hand…
i am going to meet you in that tender forgotten place you know, the one you let go cold you remember what they taught us, right? “where attention goes, energy flows” you haven’t put your attention there in oh so long let me take you in my hand…

i am going to meet you in that tender forgotten place you know, the one you let go cold you remember what they taught us, right? "where attention goes, energy flows" you haven't put your attention there in oh so long let me take you in my hand taste your tears and...

I still sometimes sneak food at night. Okay, it’s not so much sneaking as eating by myself in bed  in the dark after 2 am. But because I starved myself  for so many years it feels like I am breaking the rules and the rebel in me loves it…
I still sometimes sneak food at night. Okay, it’s not so much sneaking as eating by myself in bed in the dark after 2 am. But because I starved myself for so many years it feels like I am breaking the rules and the rebel in me loves it…

I still sometimes sneak food at night Okay, it's not so much sneaking as eating by myself in bed in the dark after 2 am But because I starved myself for so many years it feels like I am breaking the rules and the rebel in me loves it We have many different parts of us...

i binged for the first time in forever yet it was nothing like the violent binges from before. i ate an early dinner and then when i got home i got caught up in some work stuff and responding to people on social media  before i worked out …
i binged for the first time in forever yet it was nothing like the violent binges from before. i ate an early dinner and then when i got home i got caught up in some work stuff and responding to people on social media before i worked out …

i binged for the first time in forever yet it was nothing like the violent binges from before i ate an early dinner and then when i got home i got caught up in some work stuff and responding to people on social media before i worked out by the time i got off the...

i lost my appetite for a good part of this year. the girl who didn’t care about much in me, didn’t care. part of me liked not having to worry about cravings, eating only for fuel part of me liked feeling less human, needless in a way…
i lost my appetite for a good part of this year. the girl who didn’t care about much in me, didn’t care. part of me liked not having to worry about cravings, eating only for fuel part of me liked feeling less human, needless in a way…

i lost my appetite for a good part of this year the girl who didn’t care about much in me, didn’t care… part of me liked not having to worry about cravings, eating only for fuel part of me liked feeling less human, needless in a way… and a part of me was concerned...

this too was a gift. this too and that. that too. yes that and this too. this is how we don’t just survive, but thrive (the breakings of the heart). this is how we live and breathe and grow and learn and love (again and maybe even again and one more time again)…
this too was a gift. this too and that. that too. yes that and this too. this is how we don’t just survive, but thrive (the breakings of the heart). this is how we live and breathe and grow and learn and love (again and maybe even again and one more time again)…

this too was a gift. this too and that. that too. yes that and this too. this is how we don't just survive, but thrive (the breakings of the heart). this is how we live and breathe and grow and learn and love (again and maybe even again and one more time again). when...

and someone can  not be in love with you. and be ready but not for you  (or not ready but still  clear they are not wanting  to get ready for you). and they can not love you  in all the ways that hurt the very most (touching the deepest wounds you didn’t even know  you had in you)…
and someone can not be in love with you. and be ready but not for you (or not ready but still clear they are not wanting to get ready for you). and they can not love you in all the ways that hurt the very most (touching the deepest wounds you didn’t even know you had in you)…

and someone can not be in love with you and be ready but not for you (or not ready but still clear they are not wanting to get ready for you) and they can not love you in all the ways that hurt the very most (touching the deepest wounds you didn’t even know you had in...

i did and it was i loved a lot and well saying the things i don’t always say because of a host of “legitimate” excuses like busy and tired. but the truth is those aren’t the “real” reasons i don’t do this often because…
i did and it was i loved a lot and well saying the things i don’t always say because of a host of “legitimate” excuses like busy and tired. but the truth is those aren’t the “real” reasons i don’t do this often because…

i did and it was i loved a lot and well saying the things i don’t always say because of a host of “legitimate” excuses like busy and tired but the truth is those aren’t the “real" reasons i don’t do this often because… i am terrified of intimacy i get scared of...

ah yes, this. this i love, this is (a true demonstration of) strength to me. and this is where i see so much of the wounding happening, sister to sister. so many of us were taught to compete and compare. as if a girlfriend having something or shining bright would take (away) from us…
ah yes, this. this i love, this is (a true demonstration of) strength to me. and this is where i see so much of the wounding happening, sister to sister. so many of us were taught to compete and compare. as if a girlfriend having something or shining bright would take (away) from us…

ah yes, this. this i love, this is (a true demonstration of) strength to me. and this is where i see so much of the wounding happening, sister to sister. so many of us were taught to compete and compare. as if a girlfriend having something or shining bright would take...

it is how we learn. forgiveness isn’t the easiest for me. understanding, sure, yes (that i can do) but forgiving (especially myself) i struggle with (almost daily). i often find myself wishing i had done something differently. i often find myself resisting reality…
it is how we learn. forgiveness isn’t the easiest for me. understanding, sure, yes (that i can do) but forgiving (especially myself) i struggle with (almost daily). i often find myself wishing i had done something differently. i often find myself resisting reality…

it is how we learn. forgiveness isn't the easiest for me. understanding, sure, yes (that i can do) but forgiving (especially myself) i struggle with (almost daily). i often find myself wishing i had done something differently. i often find myself resisting reality....

yes, this. learned this the hard way (still learning this). simple and true, important and necessary. so vital to be clear who you are giving your time (and your heart to). not only in romantic relationships, but in friendships, business and community as well. being more intentional in my relationships has been so key (essential really)…
yes, this. learned this the hard way (still learning this). simple and true, important and necessary. so vital to be clear who you are giving your time (and your heart to). not only in romantic relationships, but in friendships, business and community as well. being more intentional in my relationships has been so key (essential really)…

yes, this. learned this the hard way (still learning this). simple and true, important and necessary. so vital to be clear who you are giving your time (and your heart to). not only in romantic relationships, but in friendships, business and community as well. being...

the other day i came across a picture of who i used to be. and the caption read: “tbt wish i had this body still the feeling of being near death is so alluring and comforting to me, it feels right.   like dying is my only purpose”…
the other day i came across a picture of who i used to be. and the caption read: “tbt wish i had this body still the feeling of being near death is so alluring and comforting to me, it feels right. like dying is my only purpose”…

the other day i came across a picture of who i used to be and the caption read: “tbt wish i had this body still the feeling of being near death is so alluring and comforting to me, it feels right. like dying is my only purpose” i remember this i remember being her and...

over the years, i have gotten a fair amount of criticism for sharing so openly. i have been called needy, whiny, desperate, depressing, and just plain inappropriate. so i get why we swallow our truth and hide our feelings. i understand (intimately) why it can feel so remarkably scary to share what is true…
over the years, i have gotten a fair amount of criticism for sharing so openly. i have been called needy, whiny, desperate, depressing, and just plain inappropriate. so i get why we swallow our truth and hide our feelings. i understand (intimately) why it can feel so remarkably scary to share what is true…

over the years, i have gotten a fair amount of criticism for sharing so openly. i have been called needy, whiny, desperate, depressing, and just plain inappropriate. so i get why we swallow our truth and hide our feelings. i understand (intimately) why it can feel so...

work on self is not selfish. it’s a necessity. i confess i used to think differently, but the universe humbled me here (over and over and over again) till underwater, gasping for air, i got it that there was no way i was going to make it if i didn’t start looking at me…
work on self is not selfish. it’s a necessity. i confess i used to think differently, but the universe humbled me here (over and over and over again) till underwater, gasping for air, i got it that there was no way i was going to make it if i didn’t start looking at me…

work on self is not selfish. it’s a necessity. i confess i used to think differently, but the universe humbled me here (over and over and over again) till underwater, gasping for air, i got it that there was no way i was going to make it if i didn’t start looking at...

this makes sense to me (now). more and more this makes sense to me. so much unpacking to do. funny (sad) how hard it can be to find oneself (one’s voice). seems tragic (or maybe just bittersweet, or maybe it is a required part of the process?)…
this makes sense to me (now). more and more this makes sense to me. so much unpacking to do. funny (sad) how hard it can be to find oneself (one’s voice). seems tragic (or maybe just bittersweet, or maybe it is a required part of the process?)…

this makes sense to me (now). more and more this makes sense to me. so much unpacking to do. funny (sad) how hard it can be to find oneself (one's voice). seems tragic (or maybe just bittersweet, or maybe it is a required part of the process?) but really, it does seem...

nope,  i will not. no thank you. we live in a world with so many people  telling us what to do, what to believe and who and how to be. claiming  (reclaiming) your mind (seems to me) to be the key to personal  empowerment (a freedom most true)…
nope, i will not. no thank you. we live in a world with so many people telling us what to do, what to believe and who and how to be. claiming (reclaiming) your mind (seems to me) to be the key to personal empowerment (a freedom most true)…

nope, i will not. no thank you. we live in a world with so many people telling us what to do, what to believe and who and how to be. claiming (reclaiming) your mind (seems to me) to be the key to personal empowerment (a freedom most true). it is a valuable practice (i...

i often find myself wishing for more consistency (i somehow seem to associate that with my favorite thing: safety). i used to think that i would find peace when things would just stop changing so much (sameness seems so comforting to me, surprises scary, i mean really i don’t know what i don’t know)…
i often find myself wishing for more consistency (i somehow seem to associate that with my favorite thing: safety). i used to think that i would find peace when things would just stop changing so much (sameness seems so comforting to me, surprises scary, i mean really i don’t know what i don’t know)…

i often find myself wishing for more consistency (i somehow seem to associate that with my favorite thing: safety). i used to think that i would find peace when things would just stop changing so much (sameness seems so comforting to me, surprises scary, i mean really...

pretty much exactly why i do most everything i do. for her, for you and me too. be that person, be the person you needed, be the person she would have come running to (the safest space in the storm, the truest place in the world)…
pretty much exactly why i do most everything i do. for her, for you and me too. be that person, be the person you needed, be the person she would have come running to (the safest space in the storm, the truest place in the world)…

pretty much exactly why i do most everything i do. for her, for you and me too. be that person, be the person you needed, be the person she would have come running to (the safest space in the storm, the truest place in the world). this is how i know to love. a forever...

a forever needed reminder (for me). perfectionism is always waiting in the wings, ready to seduce me with its eventually you will be good enough, just try harder, do better, be better – a most brilliant reason to not do what i am most wanting (and what has me risking failure or worse yet being embarrassed)…
a forever needed reminder (for me). perfectionism is always waiting in the wings, ready to seduce me with its eventually you will be good enough, just try harder, do better, be better – a most brilliant reason to not do what i am most wanting (and what has me risking failure or worse yet being embarrassed)…

a forever needed reminder (for me). perfectionism is always waiting in the wings, ready to seduce me with its eventually you will be good enough, just try harder, do better, be better - a most brilliant reason to not do what i am most wanting (and what has me risking...

sometimes (often times) it’s the holding (on) that hurts the most (i have learned this the hard way). sometimes it’s the very thing we most fear – the breakdown and the complete chaos – that allow for what is next (the breakthrough and growth most true)…
sometimes (often times) it’s the holding (on) that hurts the most (i have learned this the hard way). sometimes it’s the very thing we most fear – the breakdown and the complete chaos – that allow for what is next (the breakthrough and growth most true)…

sometimes (often times) it's the holding (on) that hurts the most (i have learned this the hard way). sometimes it's the very thing we most fear - the breakdown and the complete chaos - that allow for what is next (the breakthrough and growth most true). i have been...

oh this, yes. the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. i remember reading this in “the alchemist” in my early twenties and wishing i believed it (lived it). now i do (more and more i do, even as fear screams, i am most committed here) sometimes we need to hold our own heart and tell it — it will be okay (we will be okay)…
oh this, yes. the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. i remember reading this in “the alchemist” in my early twenties and wishing i believed it (lived it). now i do (more and more i do, even as fear screams, i am most committed here) sometimes we need to hold our own heart and tell it — it will be okay (we will be okay)…

oh this, yes. the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. i remember reading this in "the alchemist" in my early twenties and wishing i believed it (lived it). now i do (more and more i do, even as fear screams, i am most committed here) sometimes we...

time and i have an ever-changing relationship. as a little girl i was not so much interested in time (it didn’t feel like a real thing, definitely not finite and i didn’t understand why all the worrying about this thing that we couldn’t even see, it all seemed rather silly to me)…
time and i have an ever-changing relationship. as a little girl i was not so much interested in time (it didn’t feel like a real thing, definitely not finite and i didn’t understand why all the worrying about this thing that we couldn’t even see, it all seemed rather silly to me)…

time and i have an ever-changing relationship. as a little girl i was not so much interested in time (it didn’t feel like a real thing, definitely not finite and i didn’t understand why all the worrying about this thing that we couldn’t even see, it all seemed rather...

please this. we do not know what wars are going on down where the spirit meets the bone. i remind myself of this often. i have seen time and time again how wrong i have been (when I presume to know). how quick we are to judge (how quick i am to judge)…
please this. we do not know what wars are going on down where the spirit meets the bone. i remind myself of this often. i have seen time and time again how wrong i have been (when I presume to know). how quick we are to judge (how quick i am to judge)…

please this. we do not know what wars are going on down where the spirit meets the bone. i remind myself of this often. i have seen time and time again how wrong i have been (when I presume to know). how quick we are to judge (how quick i am to judge). this is a...

sensitivity is a gift (not a curse) and while at times it might mean you feel pain (and more of it) sometimes pain is simply the most appropriate response (to a world layered with illusions). we’re taught to avoid discomfort (at all cost) instead of how to be with it…
sensitivity is a gift (not a curse) and while at times it might mean you feel pain (and more of it) sometimes pain is simply the most appropriate response (to a world layered with illusions). we’re taught to avoid discomfort (at all cost) instead of how to be with it…

sensitivity is a gift (not a curse) and while at times it might mean you feel pain (and more of it) sometimes pain is simply the most appropriate response (to a world layered with illusions). we’re taught to avoid discomfort (at all cost) instead of how to be with it....

i hope you always hope. which is not to preclude   that you also “do” hope without action (without doing something) isn’t going to get you far. but let yourself hope first, let yourself dream vast, let your heart desire, let your brain crave, let your soul yearn…
i hope you always hope. which is not to preclude that you also “do” hope without action (without doing something) isn’t going to get you far. but let yourself hope first, let yourself dream vast, let your heart desire, let your brain crave, let your soul yearn…

i hope you always hope which is not to preclude that you also "do" hope without action (without doing something) isn't going to get you far but let yourself hope first let yourself dream vast let your heart desire let your brain crave let your soul yearn cultivate...

i am learning to value different things like friendship  fun and deep connection. and i do find myself worried that i am going to regret these choices. i do worry that i may be squandering precious professional opportunities by choosing not to open my laptop sunday morning and dive in as i used to…
i am learning to value different things like friendship fun and deep connection. and i do find myself worried that i am going to regret these choices. i do worry that i may be squandering precious professional opportunities by choosing not to open my laptop sunday morning and dive in as i used to…

i am learning to value different things like friendship fun and deep connection and i do find myself worried that i am going to regret these choices i do worry that i may be squandering precious professional opportunities by choosing not to open my laptop sunday...

yes, this today, this  and rightfully so it has been full on lately in my outer (and inner) world. i used to judge myself harshly for getting tired as if sleepy  was a sign of weakness as if admitting exhaustion  would show my frailty. i am known to live on adrenaline i have an addiction to speed  an obsession with acceleration a commitment to rapid execution…
yes, this today, this and rightfully so it has been full on lately in my outer (and inner) world. i used to judge myself harshly for getting tired as if sleepy was a sign of weakness as if admitting exhaustion would show my frailty. i am known to live on adrenaline i have an addiction to speed an obsession with acceleration a commitment to rapid execution…

yes, this today, this and rightfully so it has been full on lately in my outer (and inner) world i used to judge myself harshly for getting tired as if sleepy was a sign of weakness as if admitting exhaustion would show my frailty i am known to live on adrenaline i...

as a girl who feared change and as a woman who has fiercely resisted it i could do well to remember this. i love familiarity i crave ritual i return to the same places over and over again finding myself in tears at how different my childhood haunts are   quite literally…
as a girl who feared change and as a woman who has fiercely resisted it i could do well to remember this. i love familiarity i crave ritual i return to the same places over and over again finding myself in tears at how different my childhood haunts are quite literally…

as a girl who feared change and as a woman who has fiercely resisted it i could do well to remember this i love familiarity i crave ritual i return to the same places over and over again finding myself in tears at how different my childhood haunts are quite literally...

i spent most of my life wanting to fit in wanting to be most normal desperately wanting to be accepted by everybody. being homeschooled, not much exposed to the norms i didn’t know  how very different my upbringing was how very different i was until i went to high school at 15…
i spent most of my life wanting to fit in wanting to be most normal desperately wanting to be accepted by everybody. being homeschooled, not much exposed to the norms i didn’t know how very different my upbringing was how very different i was until i went to high school at 15…

i spent most of my life wanting to fit in wanting to be most normal desperately wanting to be accepted by everybody being homeschooled, not much exposed to the norms i didn’t know how very different my upbringing was how very different i was until i went to high...

oh, this i needed  it’s tempting i admit (mostly to myself) to choose the “lesser life” i notice myself telling stories about how i am satisfied or okay   when the truth is i am terrified that what i want   will not be possible for me.
oh, this i needed it’s tempting i admit (mostly to myself) to choose the “lesser life” i notice myself telling stories about how i am satisfied or okay when the truth is i am terrified that what i want will not be possible for me.

oh, this i needed it's tempting i admit (mostly to myself) to choose the "lesser life" i notice myself telling stories about how i am satisfied or okay when the truth is i am terrified that what i want will not be possible for me some days i wake life surging through...

show your heart for years i didn’t even know what that meant and when i finally got a grasp on what it did mean i thought for sure that it was a sign of weakness or neediness for sure it would leave me   exposed and vulnerable and for sure that would be the worst thing in the world…
show your heart for years i didn’t even know what that meant and when i finally got a grasp on what it did mean i thought for sure that it was a sign of weakness or neediness for sure it would leave me exposed and vulnerable and for sure that would be the worst thing in the world…

show your heart for years i didn’t even know what that meant and when i finally got a grasp on what it did mean i thought for sure that it was a sign of weakness or neediness for sure it would leave me exposed and vulnerable and for sure that would be the worst thing...

yesterday was hard i had a falling out with someone very dear to me and i hit hopeless quickly which always has me go under because when i don’t know   what to do i panic and when i panic  i tend to shut down rapidly without any thinking at least that i am aware of till i am so far gone it is hard even for me to reach me…
yesterday was hard i had a falling out with someone very dear to me and i hit hopeless quickly which always has me go under because when i don’t know what to do i panic and when i panic i tend to shut down rapidly without any thinking at least that i am aware of till i am so far gone it is hard even for me to reach me…

yesterday was hard i had a falling out with someone very dear to me and i hit hopeless quickly which always has me go under because when i don’t know what to do i panic and when i panic i tend to shut down rapidly without any thinking at least that i am aware of till...

by far one of hardest things for me to do is forgive myself for the places i feel i went dark in the past. the places where i lost it, freaked, attacked, lied to or hurt another. as we grow and change it can be painful to look at how we have shown up in the past…
by far one of hardest things for me to do is forgive myself for the places i feel i went dark in the past. the places where i lost it, freaked, attacked, lied to or hurt another. as we grow and change it can be painful to look at how we have shown up in the past…

by far one of hardest things for me to do is forgive myself for the places i feel i went dark in the past the places where i lost it, freaked, attacked, lied to or hurt another as we grow and change it can be painful to look at how we have shown up in the past i have...

we all experience living loss. losing someone still alive tends to ache differently than death it is a unique form of excruciating that can feel as intense  and permanent but yet you know they know the door, even if closed always remains and that is just different than death and so can consume us  uniquely…
we all experience living loss. losing someone still alive tends to ache differently than death it is a unique form of excruciating that can feel as intense and permanent but yet you know they know the door, even if closed always remains and that is just different than death and so can consume us uniquely…

we all experience living loss losing someone still alive tends to ache differently than death it is a unique form of excruciating that can feel as intense and permanent but yet you know they know the door, even if closed always remains and that is just different than...

really, it is never too late as the new year approaches i always make time to reflect, reevaluate and redirect  as needed. we can easily  go on autopilot i know i do. there is a comfort in habit there is a benefit to repetitive structure…
really, it is never too late as the new year approaches i always make time to reflect, reevaluate and redirect as needed. we can easily go on autopilot i know i do. there is a comfort in habit there is a benefit to repetitive structure…

really, it is never too late as the new year approaches i always make time to reflect, reevaluate and redirect as needed we can easily go on autopilot i know i do there is a comfort in habit there is a benefit to repetitive structure but it is also key to shake it up...

sometimes, with all the noise it’s hard to hear your own knowing. everyone has an opinion. and for reasonable reasons we are influenced by the opinions of others because at the most fundamental level we tend to want to be liked, we want to be accepted…
sometimes, with all the noise it’s hard to hear your own knowing. everyone has an opinion. and for reasonable reasons we are influenced by the opinions of others because at the most fundamental level we tend to want to be liked, we want to be accepted…

sometimes, with all the noise it’s hard to hear your own knowing everyone has an opinion and for reasonable reasons we are influenced by the opinions of others because at the most fundamental level we tend to want to be liked, we want to be accepted it actually...

this is the freest and most lost i have felt ever, i think  i have been in crisis management for 16 years. for 10 years the only thing i really wished for  was to not have an eating disorder i really couldn’t see past that i didn’t know if i would make it, literally…
this is the freest and most lost i have felt ever, i think i have been in crisis management for 16 years. for 10 years the only thing i really wished for was to not have an eating disorder i really couldn’t see past that i didn’t know if i would make it, literally…

this is the freest and most lost i have felt ever, i think i have been in crisis management for 16 years for 10 years the only thing i really wished for was to not have an eating disorder i really couldn’t see past that i didn’t know if i would make it, literally and...

i have only ever known i was okay if someone told me i was even as a little girl i always looked outside myself for validation. i used to cringe when people talked about  loving themselves it felt self-important indulgent and delusional…
i have only ever known i was okay if someone told me i was even as a little girl i always looked outside myself for validation. i used to cringe when people talked about loving themselves it felt self-important indulgent and delusional…

i have only ever known i was okay if someone told me i was even as a little girl i always looked outside myself for validation i used to cringe when people talked about loving themselves it felt self-important indulgent and delusional i prided myself on my lack of...

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