there was a place we met everyday during that summer
i remember climbing
breathless to meet you
it was always better in anticipation
but i must be honest this has nothing to do with you
i was using you
in my defense i didn’t know it
i wasn’t clear this was how i dealt with fear
you have no idea how horrible i found it to be alone with me
you preoccupied me
and i used the tenderness of your heart to feed me
i thought your sweetness would rub off on me
and i would become good with you
i thought you would be the one to fix me
i know this was not fair to you
this is a learned belief
movie screen love stories and memes like “you complete me”
telling us constantly that we are incomplete
and not that i don’t want to take responsibility
i simply didn’t know it wasn’t true
because when i wasn’t with you i floundered
bags of sweet nothings and late night backroom visits
i would strip myself of dignity
and hope that someday
one day
you would find me
you would stop me
and you would hold me so close
i would know
i was whole

❤️ emily joy rosen

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